Autumn ramblings

Okay have stuffed something up big time. Have hardly been able to walk, lots of pain. Am wearing my Ugg boots all the time because all other shoes hurt so much. Physio thinks it is just soft tissue damage and that it will take 3 weeks to mend and if it doesnt it is back to the surgeon again.

As a result last weeks weight loss efforts were dismal.

So on Saturday, I sat down with ice on my foot and went through the box of all the weight watchers booklets that I have accumulated over the years. Quite liked the "Time for Success" series which has weekly menus in them for the first 12 weeks. Discarded a lot of weekly pamphlets which I didnt read when I went so there is very little chance I will read it now and put everything in order and made a shoppping list.

I then went shopping on Sunday for supplies for the week. It was a very impressive shopping trolley with lots of great fresh food in it.

I made a "Zanna salad" for the week so I dont have to faff around every night and I set up a spreadsheet on my computer with my projected weight loss (still aiming for 500g a week) and a column for weekly weigh-ins. I dont think I will weigh in daily as it might make me complacent (something that has happened many times before).

Hopefully I will be able to control my eating as there is no exercise being done any more.

Contacted rheumatologist last week too via email and asked him if I could go back onto my medication before the 1st June appointment as I am living on painkillers just to have a normal day. Emailed reply - yes back on medication and have to see him this Friday.

Asked Mark last week to look at our pantry and devise a plan to rearrange everything because I can no longer get down to the bottom shelves where I actually kept all the canned goods and groceries. Darling man came up with a plan and I spent yesterday rearranging it all, cleaning and relining shelves and I must say that it seems to working well and looks so organised. Time will tell.

I hope you are all having a wonderful week. Finally getting cooler here in Sydney and sleeping is getting easier. The heaters will be brought back into the house this week and I will change to the winter doona next weekend. There will be some serious snuggling going on in my house. I love autumn.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done!

I am moderating my comments because I was starting to get some weird ones but as usual I do get a bit behind.

Have put on more weight so have re-evaluated what I am doing and have decided that to aim for 1kg a week may be a wee bit ambitious. Have scaled it back to 500g per week for the next 10 weeks. I am looking more and more like my next sister who I love to pieces but who is really really overweight and I dont want to look that much like her.

My ankle is really really sore at the moment. Have a feeling that the last couple of weeks have done a lot of damage. The wedding in Townsville was beautiful but it was very hot, I walked and, dont tell my surgeon, danced far too much.

Then had to, and I mean had to, accompanied my beautiful daughter to the Easter Show. Lots more walking but sat whenever I could. Saw the diving, racing pigs which were so cute and the agility trials for the dogs. Had oysters and wine and bought an "old lady" shopping trolley to carry our stuff around.

More swelling, more ice.

Then had to, and I mean had to, go shopping with aforementioned beautiful daughter because she has moved to a new division and no longer has to wear her uniform. So it was shirt, vest, coat, shoes etc buying. I was very envious of her. Everything she tries on looks amazing. Made me feel proud but really frumpy.

By the end of the day , more ice and more swelling and then had to go out for dinner to Kirribilli by public transport.

I'm back on the painkillers and hobbling. I'm back at work and flat out again. I'm hungry because I am trying not to overeat. I need help.

On a happier note, Master Chef is back on TV again. Started last night and I love it again. So sad for the ones that had to go home on the first show but they should be proud that they were in the top 50 of the thousands that auditioned. The pressure test was making a pav. I have never made one and it has made me want to try. Except I would probably eat it all so I wont.

Hope everyone is okay and having a great week.

Busy Time

If any of you get the chance go and see Carole King and James Taylor. We went up the Hunter Valley on the Easter Long Weekend and saw them at Hope Estate. From the opening bars of the first song I felt 18 again. So many great memories and their show was unbelieveable. Carole King at the tender age of 68 had so much energy she took my breath away. As an added bonus Lior was the support act. Great night was had by all.

We had lunch out on Sunday at a restaurant we have been to many times up there and I had the most amazing Lobster Bisque. If we go back to this restaurant in July when we go up for our friends weekend I will have this again so that my best friend Chez can taste and help me work out what is in it. I think I got most of the ingredients but of course couldnt get them all. It sounded like a taste test on MasterChef as I worked out what the ingredients were.

And speaking of MasterChef - woohoo it is back on April 19. Can't wait.

The latest Donna Hay magazine has arrived on my doorstep and it is full of wonderful winterish recipes. I can't wait to start experimenting. There are so many to try.

But it will all have to wait as we are off tomorrow to Townsville for a wedding. Poor Lucy - alone again. I dont think Gareth was much company last weekend but hopefully this is the last time we are away for a while. Between Jess and Gareth - hopefully they will be able to look after her.

Mark is easing into retirement and spending his time fixing windows and repainting them. If I had my way I would replace them all with aluminium but he is enjoying himself so be it.

Haven't hopped on the scales. Probably a bit scared too.
I will get there but I dont know how long it is going to take me. Seems like forever.
Have a good week
xxx

Week Two - Day one

Yesterday was good. On track went to gym but had problem sleeping last night. Is it a menopause thing? or just the fact that summer doesnt seem to want to end.

Today was a disaster - up early to attend workshop in city - because daylight saving has not ended yet it was dark when we left home. Luckily M drove me.

Got to workshop at Central and guess what - tables and chairs weren't on the agenda. Stood most of the day. Is this a new thing to stop people from falling asleep? Very very tired - food consumption went out the window as it normally does when I am stressed but.....

tomorrow is another day and I will be back on track again.

Spoke to sister tonight and poor thing, she has been in pain since she broke her wrist/arm three weeks ago. Two doctors had diagnosed it as a compound fracture but all in alignment - because of the pain she went to specialist today and has found that there is a displaced bone in her wrist. Unless she wants to undergo an operation involving screws, clamps and god knows what else, since her wrist has already started to mend, he advised just letting nature take its course. She might have a slightly crooked wrist. Here's hoping she gets better soon.

Miss piggy is having an early night tonight.

Week One - Day 7?

Monday morning - I weighed in this morning and managed to lose 1.8 kgs this week. This looks impressive but really it isnt as I put on 1.5kg the week before to put it all in perspective but at least I am on the downward slope again.

Got to the gym on Friday night. Was not going to go all the way home from work right until I got near the top of my street and then for once the little voice said, you know you will feel better if you do, and I kept going and it was right.

Three more days of work until the end of this school term. Have to go to a workshop in the city tomorrow so hopefully wont overindulge in the lunch and morning and afternoon tea provided. I find it hard to estimate this kind of food so tend to not bother recording but I will be sensible tomorrow.

Mark is cooking dinner at the moment which is amazing. He is a good cook but since he has semi retired he hasnt volunteered to do any of the cooking.

He is dropping me in the city tomorrow and then taking my Dyson vacuum cleaner back. It is one of the ones that has been recalled due to a fault. Will not have a vacuum cleaner for a little while - oh well them's the breaks.

New motto - Eat less move more.

It is coming - I am so excited

Finally it is coming



I cant wait.
(and I also learnt how to embed youtube videos - woohoo)

Week One - Day Four

Slight miscalculation yesterday and ended up eating baked beans (good protein and fibre though) for dinner so that I came in under my calories.

Something funny I noticed - I was hungry last night before dinner but after my rather small meal last night I wasnt hungry. I dont quite understand it but was thankful anyway.

Sleep was okay too.

So today (Friday) I am going to attempt to go to the gym after work for an hour. Hopefully between now and this afternoon I wont crash and burn.

Physio was yesterday and is progressing. Jess wants me to go to pilates tomorrow but still feel not quite ready yet. Plan to go during the school holidays when old teacher is teaching. I feel more comfortable with her then the new one but after I intend to go back to Saturday mornings at the beginning of next term. Also plan to go back to yoga.

Have a great weekend everyone - weigh in is Monday morning.

Week 1, Day Three - confessions of a jatz addict

Truimph - whoo hoo.

Managed to salvage day After having a bad start with the jatz. Was so careful for the rest of the day and even went to the gym and did my light work out.
Re gym, am slowly increasing weights and reps but it is still relatively light.

Sometimes during the day I am like the energizer bunny and sometimes I feel like a wrung out dishcloth. The moods swings have been amazing.

Last night, about an hour after dinner, I was suddenly hungry. Craving carbs (read jatz). Made myself a cup of herbal tea and went to bed to watch Burn Notice, took half a sleeping pill about 15 mins before lights out and slept quite soundly without an assault from the hungry voice.

Hopefully I will only use the sleeping pills until I can retrain my body/mind back into a sleep pattern and get over whatever is keeping me awake.

Good times ahead.

Day Two

The voice won last night. The weather has turned sticky again so that didn’t help. I lay in bed for an hour or more, eventually took half a sleeping pill, waited a bit longer listening to Mark snuffle, got up and made myself a cup of herbal tea and had 3 jatz. Then 3 more and then 3 more. Nine in total. Went back to bed and then, to make matters worse, slept through the alarm.

BUT have wrote this transgression in my food diary and have gone through today’s food list and removed some things I had planned to eat to compensate for the jatz.

The next time I have the urge to eat something that I know I shouldn’t, I hope I can remember prior to eating it that I will have to compensate by removing something I had planned to eat.

I am drinking my water but am continually hungry ( and whingy).

Tomorrow will be better.

Short and Sharp

Disaster yesterday morning. After a lovely weekend with visiting friends got on the scales and had put on 1.5k in a week. @#$%

Back to square one.

Less food obviously but I want to manage it without actually being on a diet. You know, incorporate it in my normal day. Well maybe not my normal day because that obviously doesnt work.

Kept my calories within check yesterday but spent the greater part of last night awake and wanting to go to the kitchen and eat or drink something. What a headcase.

Today's menu includes a sandwich but I think I will go over my allowance because the beautiful pumpkin seed bread (2 slices) is worth a lot of points so I will need to rethink the carbs at lunch in future maybe cornbread or a wrap. Something I can still toast.

Happy News and a Brand New Week

The happy news is that the baby elephant that they thought had died in its mother's womb has been born this morning at 3:27am ALIVE! The male calf is not out of the woods yet and still may not make it but I have put out an email on my work network and am hoping that the power of positive thinking will make him strong. That and the fairy dust I am throwing of course.

This post was supposed to come out on Monday. A brand new day for a brand new week but as often happens,life intervenes.

I have had two fairly ordinary weeks. Lost the plot yet again.

Back on my eating plan sort of. Going to the gym and doing little things. Physio thinks I may be able to start walking slowly on treadmill now. Will see how I go this afternoon because although I was told I can use the crosstrainer it still worries me.

Bought a kindle and it has arrived but while I have charged it at work have not had time to register it etc etc at home because I need passwords and keep forgetting to bring it to work. It can join my twenty or so books on my bedside table one I get it up and running.

Hard time for my sisters last week. One was in hospital having womens problems resolved and now has to do nothing for at least six weeks. This may prove to be an impossibility because she never stays still long but as it is her third similar operation she had better.

The other was away down the South Coast on a mini holiday when she lost her footing on a track down from a lighthouse and fell and broke her wrist. In a lot of pain and she is not good at pain.

I am going to get out my Wii Fit this week and work out how to use it. The children have used it but not me and I have had it since Christmas 2008. Gadget girl strikes again.

Jess and I went to see "The Blindside" last night which stars Sandra Bullock. This was a lovely movie and Sandra Bullock was great as Leigh Anne Tuohy who, if she is anything like the charater that Sandra Bullock portrayed, is an amazing woman with an amazing family. I didnt realise that it was based on a true story. Mark wouldnt come but I think he would have enjoyed it if he had - the big softie.

His retirement is going slowly. Went to work yesterday and really didnt want to be there. Working from home today and as the weather has changed and it is raining Lucy the Wonderdog will be glad.

Am trying to catch up with blogs (nothing to do work). There are 240 odd backed up in my reader but I will get there. I was on facebook a lot more than usual lately while Gareth was away but now I probably wont be there too often as I cant believe how much time I can waste on it. The hours just fly by.

Going to see King Lear this Sunday. I do so love Shakespeare. I also have to buy a dress for this wedding in Queensland. I guess Townsville in April will be warm. All our flights and accommodation are booked, wedding present bought. Children have decided not to come as it all worked out too expensive and Jess's partner was not invited.

Okay I had better get back to work. See ya.

I'm Back

Firstly I want to thank Zanna for my award and I am working on the response.
Secondly, Sue I will get to you today. I thought it was you on Facebook but just wasnt sure.

Well, big news - I drove down to the rheumatologist at Chatswood this morning in peak hour. Took me about 45 minutes and I was pretty nervous and my ankle is a bit sore but I am also elated to have some measure of independence back. Mind you I had to check in when I arrived there and when I arrived at work. I think if Mark and Jess had their way I would be wrapped up in cottonwool and not allowed out again.

News fromm rheumatologist not so good. The rheumtoid factors in blood test negative but that apparently still doesnt mean that I dont have RA. Anyway something is attacking my body, quite aggressively. At this instance, I am stopping taking Arava medication as it doesnt seem to be doing anything and waiting 3 months for it to get out of my system and then having another blood test to see if there is any reaction. Of course if there is a flare-up then I guess I will be back earlier.

The joint at the bottom of my thumb on my left hand will need replacing but I have deferred that for a while because I have had enough of hospitals. The other joints on my right foot are disintegrating and will need to be fused - once again deferred until the pain becomes too much. Left foot - ankle okay but toes and mid foot not looking great. Will cross that bridge when I come to it.

Anyway enough doom and gloom. We just spent four glorious days in Kiama at the rugby 7's. Jess and Marc came too. Two lovely lunches at the Crooked River Winery and put it to Jess that it would be a lovely place to get married and have the reception. More guest friendly than the Hunter which is her pick at the moment. Anyway have planted the seed. Wanted to go for a paddle yesterday but because of the tsunami warning was not allowed on the beach. Mark and I got kicked off twice. Bad old people! Nearly made it to the water line the second time. Lucy the Wonderdog stayed with my sister and I think she was thoroughly spoiled and was quite sad to come home to our place. Obviously we dont give her the attention she has become used to. She moped around the house with a really sad look on her face. Oh, by the way, West Harbour won the rugby. Nice time had by all with too much wine and food and I am not getting back on the bloody scales until next Monday. Hopefully I can reverse some of the damage,.

Gareth arrives back home on Friday morning. Have been keeping up with him on Facebook and he appears to be having a wonderful time. One of his mates actually videoed him snowboarding and he makes it look so easy. Gen Y sure knows how to have fun.

Sorry for the slackness in not commenting. Back at work and busy busy busy. Dr appointments are taking up a lot of time too but should start to get back to normal soon.

Take care
xxx

Results

I cant tell the joy I am feeling at the moment. I feel my life is slowly returning.

Visit to surgeon yesterday seemed really positive. Leg muscles are completely wasted of course but I can now not wear the aircast during the day when I am inside. He would prefer me to still wear it outside and when going up and down steps just in case I fall over.

Had a long talk about the other joints in my ankle and what will happen when and if they have to be fused. Not as worried as I was.

I can also return to pilates and yoga with the understanding that there will be things I cant do anymore. I can return to the gym and do weights, cross-trainer (which surprised me), cycle (not spin) and weights. No treadmill.

Swimming is back on the agenda but I think it will be at home for the rest of summer as fatigue does set in quickly.

Physio restarts tonight with a new physio.

Walking Lucy can start but ease into it slowly with little easy walks.

Since the beginning of the year I have lost nearly 5 kilos just by watching what I eat as there has been no exercise involved. I would have like to have lost more but I am still happy with what I am doing so far. Hopefully with some exercise it will help. Mark reminded me about the fact that muscle does weigh more so I think I will take some measurements as well.

After the surgeon we walked down to the MBT shop. MBT stands for Masai Balance Technology. I bought some cute/ugly sandals after a lesson in how to walk in them. I would have loaded a picture so that you know what I am talking about but this stupid computer at work (and I shouldnt complain about that) wont open the product page up.

Anyway speaking about work I had better get back to it.

Not a lot of good news

Went to see the new rheumotologist on Friday. Took all my xrays (my god they were heavy) and last two blood tests. Liked him a lot. After looking through things he was not happy about the condition of my ankle. The other joint under the new joint is in pretty bad shape and once again I have been told to be very very careful. Damn I'm not even out of the aircast yet and more problems are looming on the horizon.

He sent me for more xrays of my hands and my other foot and ankle and I have to go and have a blood test and come back and see him again in 2 or 3 weeks. His poor receptionist - she fitted me in at the beginning of March at 7:40 a.m. The other good thing was he was running only 10 minutes late and apologised profusely. Didnt have to wait 90 minutes like I have been doing. Anyway I will have to ring and cancel appointment with old rheumotologist as I have no intention of going back there. This new doctor is in Chatswood but I really dont mind the travelling if I can see some improvement.

Although he scared me a little bit with his diagnosis of my xrays I feel strangely enthusiastic.

Also Anna found an MBT store near him so next time I go to Chatswood, I will see if they are open and have a look at their shoes. I have been interested in them for a while so it was nice to read your post. I will check first to make sure that they are suitable for my poor old ankles.

It is raining, raining, raining at the moment. Hasnt really stopped all day and seems to be getting heavier and heavier. Think the garage is leaking like a sieve and heaven help under the house. Probably flooded.

Washing machine broke down today. I have no idea when I will be able to get someone to come and fix it unless GOM can stay home one day this week.

Spoke to Gareth in Alaska tonight on dodgy internet connection. Seems to be extremely tired but in a better condition than he was a couple of nights ago when he was greatly hungover.

My software arrived for my computer this week. Was able to get it really cheaply through work so I finally have word and excel and lots of other new things I havent had time to look at. Even installed it myself.

Also found out how to put my calendar onto my iPhone plus put some selected music on the iPhone too for the times when I dont have the iPod with me. GOM got a USB port put into his new car so that I can finally listen to my iPod through the mediahub rather than having to use a Belkin in the cigarette lighter.

Still not sleeping well but I think it is changing. No more midnight snacking or even warm milk. Was just taking half a sleeping pill but havent even done that for the last two nights. Just move to another room so I dont keep GOM awake by fidgeting. Sleep for a couple of hours and then come back to my bed.

Lost 700g at last Mondays weigh-in. Should have lost more but went overboard when we went out to dinner with friends on Saturday night so last night when we went out I was prepared. Had a light breakfast and lunch so that I could lash out a bit on dinner and a couple of glasses of wine. I think it worked because there was no damage on my friend the scales this morning.

Anyway, it is getting late and I have some book reading to do. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

A bit of a shock

Had a call from Jess last weekend to say that she was putting herself and partner on a diet - I dont quite know why but anyway I told her about calorieking. When she came around she said that she thought it was a wonderful site so since I hadnt visited for a while I went and had a look.

In spite of all my good intentions about not counting points or calories and that I could do this on my own I decided to record my intake for 1 day.

Well......
By lunch time I had nearly used up the calories I had been allocated for the day. Hmmm - I think I can see a bit of a problem here. No wonder I am having trouble. Being sedentary doesnt help but still I was eating good food but just lots of it. I think it is called portion control.

Anyway I have continued on this week weighing, estimating and recording and not once have I managed to come in at the suggested calorie intake level for losing weight. Some days, even though I have tried, I have eaten nearly one and a half the amount of calories I should.

So my suggestion is if you think you are doing the right thing and still not losing any weight or worse, putting it on, record what you are eating for a couple of days - you might get a shock.

Anyway back at work this week. Relying on other people to drive you to and from work is the pits because I end up working long days waiting for people and by the time I get home there isnt any time to do anything else other than the basics. So many things to do at work that I sometimes dont quite know where to start. The phones havent been working properly which meant a lot of walking or yelling between offices, the smoke detectors went off yesterday afternoon for no reason and when one goes off they all go off and the noise is mind-numbing and they had to be disconnected and an emergency call put in to the maintenance company. Technician had just arrived yesterday when I was going home and luckily one of the teachers volunteered to stay behind.

Still not sleeping well no matter how tired I am becoming. Start and finish in my bed but sometime during the night I move to the guest bedroom because I hate keeping GOM awake. He too has to sleep.

New rheumatoligist visit next Friday. Managed to get a copy of the last blood tests from GP so I have something to take with me as well as all the x-rays. Thanks Anna for sending me that blog. Havent read it all but have added it to my reader list.

Jess got her new table and chairs this morning. Would you believe delivery was at 6:30.
Gareth leaves for Alaska on Monday. He has tickets to see the skeleton events at the winter olympics. His ex-girlfriend got them for him. He is also hoping to see the snowboarding. They are going to be a long 5 weeks for me but at least this time I have skype.

Have a good weekend everyone and I will catch up soon.

On the home stretch

Well the cast came off yesterday and am now in an aircast boot for 4 weeks. Convinced the doctor that I would be alright sleeping without it - sleeping being the operative word but must admit that I worried that I would rip the inner stitches apart in my sleep. And I have to remember to put the boot back on when I get up in the middle of the night. A tricky manoeuvre when you are half asleep.

Also had my shower routine in the cast down pat and this morning was a bit of a disaster but I guess I will get there. The great thing about people, and me in particular, is that we adapt - maybe not as gracefully as we should but still we adapt.

Back to see doctor in 4 weeks with an x-ray. Thanks for the fingercrossings.

GOM picks up his new car today. Another black Subaru Liberty but I got a look at it yesterday and it is so much bigger than the model he has. I dont quite understand why we need such a big car - there is just us most of the time and of course, Lucy the wonderdog when she is invited out.

Heard from Jess today. Who am I kidding she rings me two or three times a day. They are thinking of coming back a day early as their friends have decided to come back early. Whoo Hoo - oh I mean that's sad. So she could be back on Friday instead of Saturday. Yay coffee together on Saturday maybe. If not, then probably Sunday. I miss her presence so much and so does her kitty, Kara. Mark and I go up and feed her everynight and play for a little while with her but I think she misses Jess horribly. I'm glad I am not the only one.

Gareth is still trying to find a new flatmate. Someone is coming to look today. He is also in the final countdown of his preps for his trip to Alaska. 11 days and he is off for 5 weeks. Will miss him but he has hooked up skype for me so we can talk when he is away and I can still have my weekly dose of Gareth.

Am enjoying my arthritis book immensely. Some very interesting things in it about strength training. Was reading it while I waited at physio, doctors, credit union etc etc yesterday and underlining things I wanted to remember. Will go through it with page markers too and list some of the things that are interesting such as the chapter about oils:

High anti-inflammatory oils - Fish oil and flaxseed oil
Moderate anti-inflammatory oils - Canola, Evening Primrose, Soybean, Blackcurrant seed, Olive and Borage
Pro-inflammatory oils (rich in Omega-6 Fatty Acids) - Safflower, corn, sunflower and cottonseed

The high and moderate anti-inflammatory oils are known to suppress inflammation and the last four encourage it.
Most processed food contain the Omega-6 Fatty Acids Oils - biscuits, crisps etc.

It got me looking a packages.

Also took the BMI test - knew I shouldnt have. I know that this test is not conclusive and should be done with stomach and hip measurements too but it was a bit scary and I think that the measurements would have been even more scary.

Anyway, so much to take in and so many plans to formulate and follow through.

My Plan (yes yet another one)

My plan last week starting from Monday was to lose a kilo a week until I am back where I should be for health reasons. Well guess what I put on 100g between major weigh-ins (the minor weigh-ins went up and down like a yo-yo).

You dont have to be Einstein to work out why - basically the midnight munchies (or more accurately the between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. munchies) were the problem. Now I think I am a fairly intelligent person and I know that eating during the time I should be sleeping is stupid but that didnt stop me at all.

The mind-numbing despair that comes at that time of the night/morning when you are somehow wide awake but desperately craving sleep is debilitating. BUT no excuses - still did the wrong thing and I knew it.

Have also discovered over the past two days - a bit late but nonetheless - that if I get up have a drink (chamomile tea or warm milk and half a banana) and instead of watching tv/reading/playing DS I go to the bed in the spare room I can lie down and fidget as much as I want without disturbing GOM. Bliss! I have been waking up a few hours later and going back to my bed and I am okay. The cool weather is also helping (it was a pleasant cool yesterday in Sydney but it was minus 4 degrees at Thredbo).

Got back onto track yesterday and the scales looked better this morning.

Had my first attempt at meditation yesterday. As usual my "wildmind" (a phrase I read in a blog this morning) ran, well wild. I think it is also called monkey chatter. I kept bringing myself back to the breath but it was no sooner back then off it ran again, chattering wildly. I will keep trying.

A small glimmer of hope arrived in the mail yesterday - a book. I had seen it at the physios when he put the cast on my leg and since I cant get out had found it on the internet and ordered it. This all happened before Christmas. It finally arrived yesterday. The book is "Strong Women and Men Beat Arthritis by Dr Miriam Nelson". I have only read a small part of it but find myself a bit overwhelmed by what it says. She could be speaking directly to me. I am so looking forward to the chapters on exercise and diet and know that I will be integrating some of the exercises into my day when I can.

The decluttering of my study is progressing slowly but well. I actually threw out all the "Table" magazines I had yesterday without going through each one. The rationale is that I have not looked at them in years and all this information is available on-line.

Also got another box of books to take to Lifeline. Still more to go but I dont want to scare GOM with the scale of what I am doing. How one (me) person could have accumulated so much paper is truly mindboggling and slightly scary.

Off to physio to take cast off tomorrow and then to surgeon for revisison. Keep all your collective fingers crossed for me.

Tired

Only 4 more nights of purgatory until the cast comes off. Thank goddess! Another night with little sleep and having to be up early this morning to wait for grocery delivery (why I elected to have it delivered so early I dont know) has sent me spiralling down although I had a good result on those things that rule my life - the scales.

Was going really well this week foodwise until I went to my sister's for lunch. I guess that is something I have to learn how to do even after all these year - or else become a hermit.

I am nearly being driven mad trying to convert from a PC to a mac. Thankfully the Apple help desk is, well, helpful and relatively easy to get on to as I speak to them nearly every day.

Excuse any negative vibes that are coming out of the computer this morning but I am exhausted and at the end of my tether.

Enjoy your weekends.

All alone, finally

GOM has gone out. Armed with my library reservation list, banking and shopping list. The house is relatively quiet except for my iTunes playing quietly in the background. Peace for a short time.

For someone who is retiring he sure is working hard. The bloody phone never stops ringing. Calls from France at all hours and of cause Sydney. How will this airline fly without him? He ties up the phoneline and steals my printer. Okay I have finished whinging now. I really really do love him dearly but this 24 hour 7 days a week is starting to grate. I know once I am mobile it wont be like this. We have always had our different interests.

Oh and while he is out he is thinking of getting a new car. The deal will be that Gareth will buy the Liberty at trade-in price and Mark will get a new Liberty or Mark will keep his old Liberty and we will lend Gareth the money to buy a new Impreza. My Impreza will then come back home to my garage where I can watch it and count the days until I can drive it again. I know it is good that it is being driven, and I know he will be super careful but remember this is the child that wrote his own car off just before Christmas because he wasnt concentrating on what he was doing. I just dont think about it most of the time.

On books I have finished two books in the last three days. I had started both books in December but was having trouble reading them. Since the first operation in May, my brain has been like a little grasshopper - springing from one thing to another, never completing anything. Decided to knuckle down and either:
Read the ends and return
Just return
Read them

After exploring the first idea, discounted and decided to make myself read them. I am glad that I did because I felt almost normal again when I realised that I was really enjoying them and didnt want to put them down to eat or cook.
The were
The Secret Scripture by Sebastian Barry and
What my bestfriend did by Lucy Dawson

Both completely different books which I guess shows my eclectic tastes.

So armed with the book reviews from an old Notebook magazine (Nov 2005) I checked out the local library for copies.
These books are
Julie and Julia by Julie Powell
Veuve Taylor by Henrietta Taylor
A Thousand Days in Venice by Marlena de Blasi

Ahead is a busy weekend. We are going to see "Wicked" tomorrow night. Then on Sunday there is a 60th birthday golf day (not for me to attend unfortunately as I think I would be a hindrance although I could sit in the clubhouse) and later a farewell for an elderly neighbour (she would hate that I described her as that) who has sold her house and is moving to the Mornington Peninsula to be nearer her daughter. This woman taught both my children to swim oh so many years ago. I still have a video of Gareth saying, "I'll try Mrs X, I'll try" in a plaintive little voice when she asked him to dog paddle across the pool and as for Jess the first time she was taken into the pool she screamed so much that a neighbour rang to see who was being murdered in the pool. Good times. Unfortunately her very fit and always active husband succumbed to Altzheimers over the last couple of years and is now in a home also on the peninsula. It is sad seeing the old neighbourhood change but change I know it will.

Anyway I'm off the iron. It takes my forever to iron sitting down but I eventually get there.

101 things in 1001 days

I am a bit late starting this. I have read it on other blogs and stolen some other peoples ideas otherwise I would be here for 1001 days trying to complete this list.

Start Date: January 7, 2010
End Date: October 3, 2012
Completed: 0/101

1. Finish writing this 101 list by January 31, 2010
2. Clear out bookcase and donate books to local Lifeline charity
3. Donate clothing, high heeled shoes and bags to charity bins this summer
4. Call sisters once a week in next year (J 0/52) (D 0/52)
5. Remember friends and family's birthdays
6. Take a photo at the same time every day for a month
7. Reach final weight goal of 8kg less than I am now and stay there
8. Do a body composition test
9. Walk 10,000 steps a day starting from March 2010
10. Return to yoga in April
11. Return to pilates in March
12. Return to gym for at least 2 sessions per week starting March
13. Hire a personal trainer in March
14. Learn to meditate
15. Update my blog
16. Start making my own muesli again
17. Take a home-made lunch to work every day
18. Complete 101 recipes in 1001 days (0/101)
19. Eat at 10 new restaurants (0/10)
20. Keep a journal for every day of 2010
21. Go to a farmer's market
22. Go to Rozelle markets
23. Get tattoo
24. Have fish and chips on the beach at sunset
25. Go on a picnic
26. Do the Bondi – Coogee coast walk
27. Go to London, France and Italy with my main man
28. Get a massage
29. Get a pedicure every 6 weeks
30. Do a drumming workshop
31. Start quilting project and finish
32. Whip garden back into shape and keep it there
33. Harass builder about bifold doors onto deck
34. Expand my mini vegie garden
35. Paint christmas presents for friends
36. Make my own Christmas cards and have them ready to go
37. Walk across the harbour bridge
38. Do part or all of the 7 Bridges Walk in 2010
39. Take more pictures
40. Declutter my house one room at a time
41. Clear out boxes stored under my house - one box at a time
42. Redecorate the main bedroom
43. Organise/update of front verandah/front door
44. Read 34 books (0/34)
45. Visit the museum
46. Go to Canberra for art exhibition or floriade
47. Visit the art gallery of nsw
48. Go the ballet
49. Visit Anne in NZ
50. Visit Anne (different one) in Qld
51. Bottle my own italian tomato sauce
52. Become a WIRES volunteer
53. Travel the Farmgate route
54. Go to pictures at least 6 times a year (0/6)
55. Organise and rationalise cookbooks
56. Take off makeup and cleanse every single day
57. Give away/donate old videos
58. Reorganise cookware cupboard with better shelving
59. Coffee with daughter at least once a week when she is not working or away on holidays
60. Visit Tasmania
61. Visit Margaret River
62. Count alcohol free days
63. Drink 2 litres of water a day (0/1001)
64. Update this list each month
65. Host one dinner party/bbq per month in 2010 (6 people minimum)




to be continued

There will be more but I have spent enough time in front of the computer today. This is harder than I thought it would be but I can see the benefits of doing this. If you havent already made a list, start today.

Dark Moments

Last night or more accurately early this morning as I wandered the house, turned the air conditioner on and off, played with my DS, read a little, lay on the lounge I was thinking once again about being overweight yet again and about going to a wedding in Townsville in April.

I actually thought to myself - when March comes and I am up and around again I will lose this extra flab.

Then a moment of clarity and honesty - who am I kidding. In the 6 weeks I will have I wont be able to do it. I am not superwoman, I am getting older and therefore the weight is harder to dislodge. I have to start now. I have to take some sort of responsibility now, not later, not in 6 weeks time - NOW.

But I dont want to diet. I dont want to count points or track. These two things are things that set me up for failure and the spiral back to feeling hopeless again.

Well I've told you the donts but I really dont know what the dos are or more accurately the dos that I will be able to do.

I know I have to cut down on the amount I eat. Stop the mindless snacking (thank goodness all the Christmas food has just about gone). Eat more fresh fruit and vegetables. Drink more water. Limit alcohol intake.

Devise some sort of exercise program that I can do sitting or lying down.

I know what I have to do - the test is doing it. Part of me really really wants to but part of me doesnt.

That is the part that sat on the lounge early this morning crying about the fact that I wanted my life back. Just one of those moments when everything seemed at its blackest. It has passed. I am calm again.

I have a few ideas about coping but I wont bore you with them unless I do them and they work.

Going quietly mad

You may have noticed that I am posting a little bit more lately. I am going slightly mad sitting here unable to exercise or do anything around the house.

Sounds good doesnt it and it is in theory but I am going stir crazy.

Anyway I have changed my picture today which was relatively easy for me (luddite that I am) and I have an email into Zanna about changing the template on my blog.

I have been researching new hairstyles and think when I am finally released from home detention I will go with a tapered bob like Ellen Barkins. The good thing is to achieve this style my hair needs to grow a bit and since I cant get out that is what it is doing. My hairdresser has actually offered to come and cut my hair for me but I think I will sit it out.

Also I come from the age when you were younger you used to pluck your eyebrows to within an inch of their hairy little lives. Guess what, something I didnt know then but know now - after a certain age they dont grow back and actually disappear especially if you are fair. So I have started practising how to draw them in lightly. I must admit I think it looks strange but I feel that by the time I go back to work I will be used to it.

My gorgeous GOM (grumpy old man) has started downloading all his personal emails off his work email account. This retirement talk is starting to look serious. I wonder if, when it does happen, he will mind if I leave him a list of jobs to be done every day. I might just share my jobs list with him and tell him to feel free to do anything off it while I'm not there. Sounds like a plan and when it happens I will let you know how it goes.

He changed the sheets on the bed this morning and we had a discussion about what colour sheets he should put back on the bed. I told him to pick any colour as I just didnt care at the moment (I really can be very picky about colour coordination and I am sure he thought it was a trap). I told him it was his choice until I was well enough to do it myself and told me I was obviously well enough to hinder him. Whatever!

Last September some girlfriends gave my a gift voucher for Jacqui E and I have been in an out several times but couldnt find anything that I wanted. Jess snuck past enemy lines last week (I cant remember which day as they are all the same at the moment) and liberated me for a short time by taking me to the local mall for coffee. We also went to Jacqui E and I got two tops and a pretty cardigan for a little bit more than the gift voucher. One of the tops was reduced from $99.95 to $19.95. Makes you wonder doesnt it how much it originally cost to make. I might be wrong and they might be selling it at a loss to clear the stock but as I am old and cynical I doubt it.

At the moment he is outside, in the rain, mowing the back lawn because the grass is too long for Lucy the Wonderdog. When she absolutely has to go outside in the damp she prances around on tippytoes. Amazing and funny to watch.

Anyway I am off to make GOM's life a misery again. So much time and so little to do.

Happy New Year

Well, here we are in 2010. I wish all of you who I really count as dear friends a wonderful one.

Christmas was good to me. I got the new Stephanie Alexander cookbook, a Japanese maple bonsai and wait for it.....
a new iMac.

Gareth says that I have restored his faith in Christmas. He said that a lot of the excitement has gone out of Christmas because everyone seems to know what they are getting except for me and the computer. The history is that Mark is hopeless at buying presents which is partly my fault because usually when I want something I just get it and it doesnt leave a lot of scope for present buying. And I thought that we weren't buying presents this year as we have bought tickets to the Carol King/James Taylor concert at Hope Estate in the Hunter at Easter so I thought that would do.

On Christmas morning we went up to Jess's for breakfast and I got my cookbook and bonsai and I was happy. Mark had gone out and bought himself Christmas presents since I couldnt get out and brought them home and I wrapped them and put them under the tree. After everyone had opened their presents Jess carried this big box over to me and I was to say the least surprised. When I opened it I was astounded. I needed a new computer but I didnt think I was going to get a Mac. I had suggested buying one a couple of weeks ago to replace my laptop but was told no. Sneaky bastard.

Anyway I have spent the past 10 days playing with my new computer. Have transferred my iTunes and photos from pc. Have established a calendar (iCal) which now has everyones birthdays in it as automatic reminders. The only thing I haven't done is transfer my working files as I have not bought the office software yet. I can get it cheaply through work but have to wait until school goes back at the end of this month. Worth the wait and I can still use by pc if I have to.

Last night, new years eve, was spent at the golf club. A friend, who wasn't coming with us as he had decided on a quiet night at home, offered to drive us there. He turned up in a tuxedo, chauffeur's hat and black dress thongs (footwear). When we got out the front of our house in the driveway he opened his boot and pulled out two chairs, a small table, champagne, beer and a dip and crackers. It was a lovely and hilarious start to the night.
(Hooray I managed to upload a picture - I love my mac!)

Anyway I had better be off as we have had a rather late start to the day. Am working on ideas for what I would like to achieve this year - mainly trying to get through this year without having to go to hospital again would be lovely but that is something that is beyond my control so I am concentrating on things I can control.

Love to you all - happy new year
xxx

Part of an email from a friend that I wish for my friends or fiends

True Friendship... SCOTTISH STYLE!!
(None of that Sissy sh1te)
Are ye tired o those pish weak 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here are a series o promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cute wee smiley faces on this card .
Just the stone cold truth o a great friendship.

1. When ye are sad -- I will help you get pished and plot revenge against the bastard who made ye sad.
2. When ye are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking ye.

3. When ye smile -- I will know ye are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When ye are scared -- I will take the pish oot o you every chance I get,
until you're NOT.

5. When ye are worried -- I will tell ye stories about how much worse it could be until YE STOP WHINING!

6. When yer confused -- I will try to use only wee words.

7. When ye are sick -- Stay the f*ck away frae me until ye are well again.
I don't want whatever ye've got.

8. When ye fall, I will laugh my f*ckin heed aff at you, you clumsy arse,
.......but I'll help you up.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it tae the end.
'Why?' you may ask;
Because you are my friend.

Friendship is like pishing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to 10 o yer closest friends,
Then get depressed because ye can only think o 4 .

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I am recovering well. Stitches came out last Wednesday and new cast put on. Have it for 4 more weeks. Then back to the doctor and into the aircast boot thingey for another 4 weeks. Am able to weight bear so that has made life easier. Wont know results for sure until I can walk again to see what range of movement I will have.

Enjoy yourselves on Christmas day and will be back soon.

What I Want/Wish/Need for 2010

My wishlist begins with
Calmness – to sit and breath – Meditate daily
To Be Able to Let Go – To not be so prickly and take offence with people
To not feel threatened (not as sinister as it sounds) – to realise that I am not that important and the world will keep turning whether I am in that particular spot or not
To downsize my life - Simplify
Good health – Maybe beyond my control but I will give it a good try
To change my priorities – Not sure what this means – at the moment I want to become a hermit but I’m sure that isn’t what I really want
To keep a written journal for 365 days - No matter what
To take more photographs – to have a tangible reminder of things that delight me
To honour my body – poor broken thing that it is (pathetic isn’t it)
To clear the clutter – a daunting task and something I have wanted to do for a long time and have started in many ways but not enough

I wrote the above 2-3 weeks ago then I read an article in January's Oprah by Michelle Burford called "The Breakthrough". I could have written this article (except the African-American references) and if I was this literate, especially the beginning line "every January for 15 years I committed to a different weight loss scheme....". She has an "If-I-Do-Just-Two-Things-This-Year List. Small steps - only a couple such as last year her steps were completing five jumping jacks and having one tablespoon of flaxseed everyday. By mid year she felt confident enough to start powerwalking. She has saved a lot of money in transportation costs but she has also lost 40 pounds and 5 inches off her middle. Her cholesterol and blood pressure are now normal. Now I dont know what her starting weight was but this article has given me a glimmer of hope and made me realise that maybe I want/wish/need too much. So this year I am going to aim at the following:

Good health: (when I can walk again - 10,000 steps a day) - reducing alcohol consumption and stop eating the food I absolutely love but which doesnt love me at all (grammar?). I have finally got off my butt and got a referral to a new rheumatologist for a second opinion. His office doesnt reopen until 11 January and I will probably have to wait months to get in to see him but as least I feel a bit more proactive now rather than sitting around watching my body deteriorate.

Even though it wasnt on the original list I may include a tablespoon of flaxseed everyday.

Hopefully during the year I can add a few more things from list but by taking the New Year Resolution pressure off and just chilling out I may achieve something.

So my dear friends, hang on - 2010 may be bumpy but it is a ride I wouldnt miss for the world. Afterall what is the alternative?

Explanation

I'll try to explain what is happening as requested.

Over a month ago and I cant remember when I started to get a condition I have since found out is called "dropped foot". Physio thought it was just that the tendon called tibialis anterior was wasted from non use. Have been working hard at improving it. About a month ago, I tried to move a table on the deck by bracing and pushing. Now this may or may not have anything to do with anything because as soon as I started I realised that it was not a smart thing to do and stopped. But, from this point on my ankle started to make a noise when I walked. Now I am not sure whether it was a noise that you can hear or just something that resonated through my body. Anyways, I knew it was probably not good.

Told the physio and he told me not to panic and worry the surgeon. Talked to friends who told me to worry so I emailed the surgeon and he rang me the same day and put me back on crutches and in the aircast until he could see me two days later just in case the prosthesis in my ankle was damaged.

Xray showed no damage to prosthesis but he could feel/hear the noise I was talking about and he was worried that a spur might be forming and that the spur could rupture the abovementioned tendon so he sent me for an ultrasound and a CT scan.
Which as previously described happened yesterday.

Got a call this morning from surgeon's office and was told I needed to come in this afternoon and see him. So off I trundled after work and evetually got into see him late this afternoon, after 6. While I was sitting in the waiting room his receptionist asked me to fill out the paper work for admittance to hospital on Monday morning. Bit of a shock. When I eventually saw the dr he explained to me about the operation which is longwinded and boring and the prognosis is not good. Dont know how long I will be in hospital for but definitely not day surgery as I was hoping for. Then 6 weeks in plaster, 4 weeks in air cast all non weightbearing and then still 2 weeks of not being about to drive. In total 3 months before I can drive again.

Think I have run the full range of emotions since 6 pm tonight. Disbelieving, angry and despairing. Another Christmas in plaster. Six weeks school holidays wasted yet again. Bloody crutches - which are difficult with the arthritis in my arms and hands and make me ache all over.

Oh and this was probably all caused by the rheumatoid arthritis and the another tendon in my foot, tibialis posterior while not ruptured is not looking good.

If you google ruptured tibialis anterior then it gives a pretty good description of what is happening if I have not explained it well.

So many things to do of the next three days. Cancel Jess's birthday dinner. Cancel other doctor appointment. Cancel hairdressers. I have to try and do all my Christmas shopping this weekend. I will have to also go to work to finalise the end of year reports and organise things for next year.

I had better go to bed and take a sleeping pill as I am starting to get angry again.

On a brighter note, Gareth is fine. Took car straight to insurance assessor and they have written it off and he will get more for it than if he traded it in. He has a hire car for a week as part of his insurance.

Signing out now. Dont know when I am back but back I will be.

This Week so far

Well had the ultrasound and ct scan done yesterday.

Not good I think. The tibialis anterior tendon has ruptured. Another operation soon if it is not too late already. Surgeon's office has rung me this morning and moved up my appointment from next Wednesday to tonight. So when I finish work (I have had so much time off lately new boss must think he has got a crock) I have to go home and pick up films and a CD from yesterday and head back down to surgeons office for meeting. At least I know the way there now and wont get lost - not like yesterday - but that is another story. How many times can I person get lost in one day and seem to cause so much havoc on the road? It was a wonder I didnt feature on the traffic report!

While talking to the doctors office this morning, son rang. On his way to credit union had had an accident and thinks he has virtually written off his car. Thankfully he is okay and so is the person he hit. He is driving his car home and we will work it out from there. I can replace his car but I cant replace him so I am grateful.

Tomorrow I am going to the funeral of my sister's partner's son. Such a waste. 32 years old and a drug and alcohol addict. Had an epiliptic fit and fell and hit his head. Massive head injuries and never regained consciousness. They turned off his life support last Thursday and he died Friday morning. P is such a lovely man and this was his only child.

Jess has lent me her GPS so that I can find the crematorium without any trouble and am not late.

I am finding that as I get older I am becoming more hesitant about driving in areas that I am not familiar with. I remember older friends going through this and could never understand it. Part of the problem for me is that Jess will drive me whenever she is available so I think that might be affecting my confidence. Anyway, not going to let this happen. I am going to buy my own GPS so I know at least where I am going and what lane I should be in.

Anyway, in case I dont get back to report on outcome of drs appt before the weekend arrives, have a great one.

Tripped and fell......

Metaphorically speaking (dont panic still upright really)

An elderly neighbour who taught both my children to swim yonks ago is moving to the Mornington Peninsula to be near her daughter as EN husband has alzheimers and has been moved to a nursing home in Victoria. EN needs the support of her daughter who lives there. So sad to see her house up for sale.

Anyway we went to a neighbourhood farewell for her last night. Guess what - drank too much and ate totally inappropriate foods. The scales this morning showed this too. Was doing so well. I am so angry with myself. I know I am supposed to think of well, what's done is done and move on, but I keep thinking how stupid I am.

First thought was, that's it - no more alcohol in December. Then I thought - I have drinks and trivia this Friday, Jess's birthday next Tuesday, etc etc etc. Okay, what I am going to try to do is this (weak willed creature that I am):

No alcohol - Monday to Thursday
Friday - Three drinks maximum (one at each event I am going to)
Saturday and Sunday - no drinks
Monday - no drinks
Tuesday - one drink with dinner
Wednesday - none
Thursday - none
Friday - we will see

Not much of a plan but the best I can do (repeating that I am very weak willed).

Saturday was so hot here that instead of trying to do all the housework that I should have done I slept..... for hours. Sunday was spent trying to catch up with everything I should have done on Saturday. I am on holidays again in 3 weeks or else I would seriously have to consider getting off this crazy merry-go-round.

Anyway back to work. Little rant has finished.

Little Ramblings

I was talking to Mark about you girls and he said, how do I know you are who you say you are. Well I suppose until I meet you I dont but somehow I do. LOL.

Well finally after a few little losses have managed a loss of 900g this week. Funnily I think it was that man of mine again who may have got through to me. He actually told me he was worried that all the weight I was putting on was adding to the strain on my joints in particular my ankle. Love him to bits - such a tactful way to say "get your act together". Trying hard to keep on the move without doing any exercise. Still trying to rest ankle until ultrasound next week. Wont see the surgeon again until following week. Please keep everything crossed for me. Anyway all those dangerous rolls around my middle are decreasing.

Nothing much else to report - work as usual and hopefully a quiet weekend coming up. I guess I should start to think about Christmas cards too. The weeks are flying by so quickly and Christmas will be upon us before we know it.
Enjoy yourselves

Procrastinator

I have been procrastinating a lot lately. Instead of getting in and doing what I have to do I put things off and then feel bad because I havent done them.

And usually when I procrastinate it involves food. Something along the lines of I wont do such-and-such now so I will sit and read the paper and eat instead.

I lost some weight this week. I know this sounds stupid but although I weighed in last night at WW and knew I had lost some weight I didnt check to see how much. Maybe this is a good thing.

Some good news on the ankle - the prosthesis is okay but the surgeon could feel/hear what I was talking about. A sort of a grinding. He thinks that maybe a spur is forming near that tendon that runs down the front of the leg and the worst scenario is that it might cause this tendon to rupture. Mind you that is the worst scenario. Anyway off in early December for an ultrasound and maybe a CT scan and then we will hopefully know what the next step is going to be.

Other than that nothing to report. Have a new little friend at work - a swamp wallaby came down to the window yesterday. He looked so cute hiding behind the ferns and peering over. By the time I got my camera out (and no I still havent worked out how to download pictures) he was off.

Sydney is hot hot hot at the moment. Sleeping is difficult and relief doesnt look like it is coming anytime soon. A lot of the state, and other states as well, are at catastrophic fire danger. Wasnt sure I was going to get into the national park to work today but the warning is standing at Severe Fire Danger so it was okay.
Summer is well and truly here. The heat is a bad but it is the humidity that is the killer.

Anyway have a great weekend, talk soon............

Not a sad post just fact

Not after sympathy just letting you know where I am at.

Home again, on crutches with foot back in boot.

Have an appointment with surgeon early tomorrow morning after xraying.

May have done something stupid to a not fully healed new ankle. Hopefully not. I am such a doofus.

C'est la vie! Onward and upward! .......and all that crap.

A Fraud

I really must do something about that photo - looks nothing like me anymore - boy have I stacked the weight on. Funny I dont see it when I look in the mirror but I definitely see it when someone sneaks a photo of me. And of course my clothes - I dont even want to think of summer at the moment.

But Lucy looks the same.

I am finding losing the weight really hard not only because of my age because it is harder to do when there is just two of you. Funny that.

Ankle is still sore - oh yes I forgot - a couple of weeks ago I got out into the garden for the first time in yonks and I may have done something silly. This is a secret at the moment from Mark as I dont want an "I told you so" coming my way. Going back to physio tomorrow so I will discuss it with Robbie. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Seems to be getting better.

Back at yoga and loving it.

Another joint is gone. The joint at the base of my left thumb has died or whatever they do. Nothing can be done (Dr P has said that before and we will wait and see). Dr suggested wearing a wrist splint to give joint some support. Lighting stove is becoming a challenge and opening doors can be tricky but honestly who cares. I can eventually see me in one of those little carts terrorising the neighbourhood.

Biopsy on mole on ankle also turned out fine.

Bathroom is finished and hopefully separate toilet will be finished next week and I can reclaim the front verandah from being a builders site. Will post pictures as soon as I work out how to download them from new camera - Wonderful birthday present from children - Mark has bought me tickets for dinner and Wicked. Must sort that out soon.

My eldest sister visited from Queensland with her partner and dog. Lovely time had by all and the beautiful daughter took us for a drive around the old 'hood so we could see what was happening. Our old house looks so sad and neglected. It wasn't a flash house but it had a lovely garden and Dad always maintained it well. I'd really like to give someone a swift kick up the kaiser. The tour culminated with lunch at Woolwich Pier Hotel. All in all a pleasant day and a pleasant visit.

Such a busy time of year and the calendar is starting to fill up. I am trying to pace things this year - not going out Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday. It just exhausts us - the weekends are meant for rest and gardening of course. Cant wait to hit the nursery to spruce up front verandah.

Anne, see you arent the only one who can ramble. Have a great weekend everyone and you are all, always in my thoughts.

Chocolat

Something I have been pondering - Last week I bought a block of Lindt chocolate - Orange Intense. Dont ask me why - I dont even particularly like dark chocolate but I do like the orange/chocolate meld thing. Every night this week since Tuesday Mark and I have had a square each after dinner. Now since Tuesday I have virtually stopped feeling nauseous all the time and I have been sleeping better. Actually we both have been sleeping better. Does dark chocolate hold some magical powers? Reminds me of one of my favourite books - Chocolat by Joanne Harris. Mystical and Magical stuff.

Some other good things -
Lost 100g (LOL - but better than putting on)
Bacterial stomach infection has gone
On at least two occasions, in the early morning, my right ankle has actually looked like an ankle and not a swollen tree stump.

Now a recap
One of my sisters came up and spent last Sunday with me which meant that I didnt get any gardening done but it was lovely to sit and chat.

My other sister, supervising the sale of Mum's house in Qld, managed the sale within one week for a really good price. Way to go! One less worry.

Gareth's cast finally off his arm. He took it off himself. Back to the snow fields this weekend not that it has stopped him snowboarding. Boys!

Think my DSLite is helping me. Either way I enjoy doing it.

The red dust day was incredible. Could not believe the sky on my way to the gym for my shower (yes I am still doing this). Mind you I think we will be cleaning up for a long while to come. The red dust just blended with the dust coming out of the bathroom. Just heard that our red dust has fallen in Auckland! We really are a sharing and caring nation.

Bathroom was waterproofed yesterday, the new ceiling has gone in, the drains are being done today and the tiling starts on Monday (I hope). Lucy needs another bath as she has turned back in to a "builders dog".

If I had just talked a little louder at WW meeting last night I might have been in trouble - the question was: What do you think of when I say Lasagne, Fish and Chips and there was something else. Everyone else was saying things like "fatty" and all I could come up with was "yum". Bad bad Julie.

Anne I can now see you on Facebook and will be able to keep in touch and comment. Anni if you have time to read this - I am so jealous and you sound like you are having a ball.

Have a great weekend everyone and take care.

A Need to Talk

I was thinking this morning how sick and fed up I feel at the moment and then I thought that I could tell you guys.

I am trying really hard to get myself back in some sort of routine eating, exercise and just living but finding it extremely hard.

Not having a bathroom is extremely hard. I know I know that in the long run it will be all worth it but I am exhausted. I feel like Mark and I are part of of tribe of nomads setting off each morning in search of a shower. So many problems have come up with the old bathroom - we have virtually replaced all the plumbing in the house because the old pipes were leaking into the internal walls and now it is just a waiting game as we wait for the bricks to dry. Luckily the builder is meticulous otherwise we could have more problems later down the road. Anyway the plumbing and taps in the laundry have been replaced, the new plumbing is installed in the bathroom, the bathroom walls have all been rerendered, the new ceiling goes in today and the floor in the bathroom is being topped. Hopefully the tiles can go on next week but we will have to see how the drying out progresses. Today it is 30 degrees so that might help with the process.

Healthwise - I am sore and aching everywhere. Not just my new ankle which is still horribly swollen. Because my blood pressure has gone up again and that medication has been increased my RA medication has been decreased and I am slowly seizing up. Maybe the BP problem is caused by my weight or lack of exercise or both. It really is a catch-22 situation. My stomach is still acting up - I go for the Urea Breath Test next Monday morning and I dont know what to expect there. The antibiotics I took 6 weeks ago were supposed to clear up the bacterial infection but who knows. (Just spoke to Mark on the phone who is worried about how I feel and his presciption is drink "real" coke - LOL).

I want my old life back!

The song that keeps running through my mind is "Mother's Little Helpers" by the Stones - "What a drag it is getting old".

Anyway - I am trying (yet again) a new approach to losing weight. I have increased my points from 18 (really not at all realistic for me - I feel deprived) to 25 and will see how that goes. If I can lose weight slowly on 25 points a day I will continue if not I will reduce it by 1 point each week - looking for the happy balance. Not the approved method but I am past worrying about it and no one needs to know except me and you.

Now some positive - I really want to do part of the Seven Bridges Walk next month with Jess. I thought I would do the part of the walk in her area in case I have a problem and we could call on her colleagues to help me if they werent busy. At the moment I cant see me even completing one stage but I did go an buy new runners on Tuesday so that I can try and break them in beforehand. (The guy at Footlocker in HOrnsby was great but people make me laugh when they see my right foot with the scarring still very much in evidence - he didnt want to lace the shoe too tightly as he was so worried he was going to hurt me.)

Anyway, I do feel better now I have spoken to you - life is such a bitch sometimes.

Today

Today I sit here in my black clothes waiting for my children to come and collect me to take me to my mother's funeral. I wish I could fit into something more colourful but I cant so black it is.

I have bought the spot in a garden at the crematorium I know she would have loved, brought her ashes back from Queensland, arranged for the plaque with a little picture of a cat on it as a reminder of her beloved Angel, the dreaded tiger cat, written my little speech as no one else wants to speak, picked the music - Time to Say Goodbye (Con Te Partiro) by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli and Somewhere over the Rainbow/A wonderful world by Israel Kam...... (cant spell or pronounce his name), organised the food for a light lunch afterwards - let me see was there anything else.

Not everyone is coming - we made a conscious decision that it would only be immediate family and the interstate branch has decided not to come. Sad but understandable. They have probably already said their goodbyes. This has been dragging on for months.

What made me post this morning was reading a post about someones Grandmother. Mum's mum was the complete opposite to Mum. She lived in South Hurstville in an old weatherboard house with an enormous chook yard, a gigantic tree (may have been oak) in the side yard with a rope swing, lots of interesting outbuildings, no inside toilet and I loved going there. I remember she used to let me eat my vegetables raw because that was the way I preferred them. I remember sitting by her coal fire listening to the radio. She was a small woman who had been married to a harsh man who was luckily gone by the time I arrived. I loved her so much and due to troubles at home I spent a lot of time with her especially in the school holidays or when I was sick. She raised rabbits too. It was only later that I realised that these little creatures that we dressed up and wheeled around in a dolls pram were destined for someones dinner table. One of the many ways she eked out her meagre existence.
I am sorry my glorious daughter never met her. I think they share the same spirit.

Anyway I am getting teary remembering a time that has long passed.

Today another chapter of that story ends - I hope my mother has found peace. I think it eluded her during her life but we all deserve a happy ending.

Good Intentions

As was once famously mentioned

“Good intentions don’t amount to a hill of beans when alcohol is involved”

4 glasses of wine
beer battered fish and chips and salad
a giant sausage roll and sauce (what was I thinking)
1 large skim milk flat white (a tiny bit of sanity)

Also there was a lot and I mean a lot of walking involved. Something that I am not supposed to do at the moment. I only just made it home – my right ankle really was a cankle or in the advanced stages of elephantitis by the time I got to bed around midnight after leaving home at 3.

There was talk of attending the rugby grandfinal in two weeks time and then doing a pub crawl back to central and then dinner. (My God - I am going to have to get new friends - I cant keep up with these ones LOL). I have let Mark know that I probably wont be going to the rugby but I will meet them for dinner minus the pub crawl if it goes ahead.

Time to grow up and slow down.

Enchanted mirrors!

Well here I am again. My rehab from ankle operation is taking up a lot of my time plus it is amazing how quickly you lose flexibility and strength spending 10 weeks in a cast so pilates three times a week is on the agenda and gradually I am clawing my way back but this is going to take a while which is frustrating the hell out of me. Wow, wasnt that a long sentence.

Anyway, about the title enchanted mirrors. I think all my mirrors at home are enchanted by a benign fairy godmother. I look into them and I think great I look okay and then I go out and sometimes it is me catching a glimpse of myself in a window or as was today in a change room at Sussan.

Doesnt look anything like me or at least the mental picture I have of myself and I really must get some sort of mirror arrangement for the back of my head, how did I leave the house with my hair looking like that at the back. When did I get so big and I really mean big. Tried on a pair of jeans in Sussans and a top and both were too small and they were the larger size than I used to wear. Left without buying and feeling dispirited.

That area around my middle which us over 50s are constantly being told to worry about is now really something worth worrying about.

So I have sat down and tried to nut out a menu for the next week which I will endeavour not to deviate from.

So, just have to get through the rugby tonight and early dinner with friends in the city and drinks with more friends tomorrow night. Lordy how am I going to do this. Weak willed lily-livered person that I am.

But maybe it will be an Oprah Aha moment for me. I know this has been building for a couple of months now but I finally think (hope) I am at the limit of my self-abuse (poor body) and will start fighting my way back and believe me it will be a fight.

A bright spot is Jess and I are going to the STitches and Craft Fair tomorrow to enlarge my hoard of material for my patchwork project and I know that she will keep me on the straight and narrow. She might be small but she is tough.

By the way an update
* Mark turned 59 yesterday and we had a lovely dinner with friends at local Vietnamese restaurant
* Gareth broke his wrist snowboarding a couple of weekends ago but you will be glad to know he has had a fibreglass cast put on so he can still go snowboarding
* Jess's police netball team came first in their netball grade and play their semifinal today
* My boss of the last 16 years retired at the end of last term
* I have a new much much younger boss now who seems lovely and is taking it slowly I think so as not to upset us oldies
* Mum is finally coming to rest at Palmdale Cemetry on Central Coast this week
* Mark talking about partially retiring in October
* Bathroom renovations started this week - finally
* I bought a new sewing machine (my first one since before I got married) and while I have not actually used it yet it is out of its box and my study has been rearranged to accommodate it.

Off to get ready for the rugby now so I hope you are all having a great weekend and I will catch up soon.

I am going to try

I am going to try and get myself back into some sort of routine while I am on holidays.

I had my first physio yesterday, nothing too strenuous. It will be three times a week for a while I think.

Went back to pilates on Saturday. Not the normal teacher, in fact not a pilates instrutor, and while it resembled pilates it really wasnt. By Sunday night I couldnt lie down on the lounge and once I did get there couldnt get back up. So so sore. Who would have thought that 10 weeks of inactivity and eating would have done so much damage. I was okay on Monday so went back for another session (glutton for punishment) and this time it was beloved instructor and lots of old friends and it went fairly smoothly although last night my pelvic floor was a bit sad and required a heatpack.

Today I am getting my hair cut. Hasnt been done for over 10 weeks so I look abit wild and woolly. Looking at the time I had better get my skates on.

Put on 10 kilos (a kilo a week) mainly through boredom and inactivity. I am going to make up a very easy gym program, mainly upper body, today so that I can feel like I am doing something.

I need new gym shoes but have only been out of the aircast and slipper for a few days and my ankle swells up quite frighteninly. I need a least one new pair of pants to wear as nothing fits. I need new comfortable shoes to wear out and about. I need to do a lot of shopping in other words but after yesterdays activities my ankle is quite sore so other than haircut am staying at home today catching up on computer work.

We are off the the Hunter this Friday for our yearly visit with friends. We will be home on Monday. I am looking forward to going and catching up with everyone but I feel so blaah at the moment I wish I didnt have to go. But as blaah happens no matter where I am I mos well be with good company.

Next week is endoscopy and colonoscopy time. Can anything else go wrong with this poor old body. No really I am fine - heaps of people worse off than me.

I have read a few blogs - googlereader tells me I have over 160 unread ones and that is not including Anne. This may take a while.

Jess gave me a lesson in facebook last night. Lots of yelling involved. I really think that I am too old for this but I will keep trying.

Have a good week - off to get ready for hairdresser - hope it lifts me!

I'm still here, sort of...

I am still here. On the mend extremely slowly. Still not driving, well only once but soon to increase. I am so freaking sick of relying on other people to get me places. That sounds really ungrateful and I'm not - just used to independence.

Still wearing the aircast, especially when I am outside but luckily not to bed anymore so sleeping is returning to normal after nearly 6 weeks of very little sleep.

I've been back to Queensland again with Jess to help clear out Mum's house. We drove there over 2 days, had 2 days of solid work, and 2 days home. It was a big wake up call and I am really going to try and get rid of stuff I no longer use. Who knows I may open an e-bay account. I know my children will certainly not want even a quarter of all the stuff I have amassed. AND it is only STUFf!

I am back at work full time as of this week. Glad to be back but am exhausted. Sooooo glad it is Friday.

My final visit with surgeon just over 2 weeks ago scared the s**t out of me. The operation went well but it will take me 12 months to recover and for the bone to grow around the space invader that now lives where my ankle joint used to be. The wound is not healing which is a worry and the rheumatologist took me off my arthritis medication this week because it might be the cause of the slow healing. Hopefully I can start physio in a couple of weeks. I walk like a penguin.

Havent been to pilates, yoga or the gym in two months.

I havent been visiting blogs and I dread to think what my google reader account looks like. Probably about to explode. Holidays are only two weeks away and I will definitely devote a lot of time to dear blends (as Zanna calls them).

Oh new King lounge arrived two weeks ago. It is so comfortable and there is always a fight for the prime spot. Because of all the rain, the new bathroom is still a month away. Should be nice and cold by then. Mark wont let me organise any other projects till this is done and it is going so slowly it is driving me loopy.

I saw the other night that Costco is opening in Australia soon (Melbourne somewhere). I have read about this store on US blogs. Looks very interesting but I fear it will be like Aldi and Bunnings to me - it is too hard to find things so I dont bother.

OK, dragging my crippled self back into my warm cave where I will hibernate for a bit longer. This whinge is officially finished now.

Love to you special people and thanks for the emails.

I am my best person...

This week I was lucky enough to catch up with the second appearance of Elizabeth Gilbert on Oprah. She has moved back to the United States with Phillipe and lives in New Jersey now and is working on her new book about marriage.

I am sure everyone knows that she is the author of that wonderful book Eat Pray Love about the journey she took after several failed relationships. This book still sits in my bedside table and although I havent read it for a while the fact that it is there to be picked up when needed is comforting.

She said on the show the following:
"I am my best person when I have less on my plate"

This struck home with me - I am sure I am a much nicer person when I am not so busy/frantic etc. When I can take the time to meditate (and I am not good at it as I have a grasshopper mind), to stop and reflect, to let things go, to not worry over things I cannot change.

I am so looking forward to the movie of Eat Love and Pray that will star Julia Roberts as Elizabeth. I think it is down for release next year, I can only hope.

There is a Borders bookclub interview at here.

On a different topic but still related somehow, the decluttering is progressing slowly and the opening up of space in the house is quite liberating. Still a lot to do but I am moving forward at last, a direction for which I am so grateful.

Moving on

Life is slowly returning to normal.

Went back to work yesterday and was totally exhausted by the time I got home. Jess took me as I still cant drive and she brought me home, went to the pet shop for me, bought me Milo (secret weapon in fight against no sleep) and finally took me to the doctors. Luckily Mark out at a work dinner which I had opted out of so it was a quick dinner of leftovers and then to bed. Took half a sleeping tablet and for a change had a okay nights sleep. Dont remember him coming home although apparently I had a conversation with him.

I am working two days a week for the next three weeks and then I think I will have to go back to Queensland to sort out Mum's house. Trying to co-ordinate 4 other busy women so that we can all do it together is giving me a headache. This afternoon Mark, being her executor, has gone to the solicitors, who luckily are on the central coast. I think this is going to be a lengthy procedure. I am off to memorial park next Wednesday to pick out her final resting place for when we bring her back to NSW. Put her death notice into the Sydney papers. My little brain is starting to explode. It hasnt had to think this much in 4 weeks.

My job is to keep the peace between sisters and a slightly aggressive niece who told me last night (hopefully jokingly) that I was no longer her favourite aunt because I was too nice! Niggling is starting already. God give me strength.

Mum

Mum died yesterday. She slipped quietly away, never regaining consciousness. Just the way she wanted to go. No pain.

She was a difficult mother. A troublemaker, always stirring things up, she could be vicious and mean but she was still my mother. Perhaps not the mother I would have wished for but perhaps I was not the daughter she wished for. None of us were. It was not in my nature to let her ride roughshod over me or mine but in her own way I think she loved me.

She grew up in the difficult times of the depression. Dirt poor, with a father who took to the road and didnt provide for the family and I am sure this moulded her into what she became. Who knows.

My children's last grandparent has gone. An era has ended. I am grateful that Jess took me to Queensland the week before last to say goodbye. I know now that if I had not gone I would have regretted it for ever.

My eldest sister said that her face was so peaceful the last few days. I hope she is happy wherever she is. That she has found peace and contentment finally.

Nightmare or Bad Dream

My sleep was woken this morning by Jess's usual good morning phone call but she woke me from a bad dream. A perceived threat. It had something to do with blogging, friends and work. It left me with a strange and uncomfortable feeling - very unsettled.

I know I had been thinking about my blogroll and the number of people who dont blog anymore. I will really have to do some housekeeping soon.

Which leads me to another interesting fact. I signed up for facebook recently so that I could submit an article about, you guessed it, Lucy the Wonderdog. All very strange and scary but an interesting thing happened - a lot of people I know personally or used to know through blogs are doing or have done facebook. Their pages came up when I initially signed in. Not sure that I am going to follow this up as I feel I spend far too much time wasting on the computer as it is but I found it interesting.

The weather here is perfect for staying in bed lately. Torrential rain and a bit blowy (sorry for people who are out and about in it).

Today I am going to do the washing (see how exciting my life has become LOL). Of course I cant hang it out: a) it's raining and b) I cant get it down to the clothes line but I will have it washed and ready for DH to deal with when he comes home.

Oh well its midday and I must have a shower and then settle in to watch Ellen and Oprah and may even get my embroidery out today.

Life doesnt get anymore exciting than this - no I really mean it, it doesnt!

What's Happening

I am slowly trying to teach myself to walk again. Still use both crutches sometimes, still have the aircast on but sometimes I only use one crutch like a cane or in moments of sheer daredevilishness no crutches.

Still not sleeping well but at least do not wander the house as much at night.

Have decided that I am going back to work next week for two days. At least that is the plan and I will see how I go the first day. Have to work out how I am going to get there as I still cant drive.

Mum is being moved into palliative care wing in hospital. She has been in a room in the normal part of the hospital under palliative care but as this room in an acute response room it is needed for others. She spends a lot of her time sleeping now but she is hanging in there. As her doctor says "a tough old bird".

My sisters went to see the funeral directors yesterday before my middle sister (MS) flew home. We are going to bring her ashes back to NSW as requested. MS dropped in on way home from the airport and stayed for dinner so that they missed the peakhour traffic. Lovely night.

But still I'm not sleeping and it is driving me batty. Actually I probably am sleeping but just dozing and waking a lot.

New armchairs that I have ordered from Freedom are being delivered on Saturday week. They have been trying to deliver them for a while but with me being in hospital and then having to fly to Brisbane it has been impossible. Council clean up is the same weekend so it should work out okay.

Builder dropped in on Sunday to apologize for not starting the bathroom on time but really it is easier for me that it hasnt started. New date in a months time and by them I should be up and going again.

Am finally having a shower when I want to and not when there is someone around in case I have an accident. Mind you have to check in with daughter when I am going to have said shower and when I have finished. A brief look to life in the future.

Life is not terribly interesting when confined to home but I enjoy reading blogs. Off to attempt to make myself a cup of coffee. Have a good day.

Autumn weather and other things

Driving to Chatswood today through perfect Autumn weather - gorgeous soft mellow sunshine and the beautiful autumn leaves swirling around the car - made me realise how long it has been since I have actually been out of the house. My life for the last 10 days has been housebound. Tomorrow I will go out onto the deck and try and soak up some autumn weather - cant believe I am missing my favourite season.

Went to the surgeon today and he took the plaster cast off and the stitches out. The stitches hurt so much. I sat there with my jumper over my head, whimpering and my gorgeous boy hugging me. My foot is now in an "air cast" (ski boot type of thing) for the next 4 weeks. I thought I might be able to take it off at night but he said no. Only time I can take it off is for a shower and even then I have to sit. Bugger, I hate having things on my feet at night. I like cold feet not warm feet. Oh well four weeks of very little sleep I guess. It is now up to me when I ditch the crutches but probably not for another two weeks. Sigh.

Problems with Mum. She has apparently recently given all her jewellery to a cousin for "safe keeping" but when contacted said cousin said no Mum gave her the jewellery. Some people are so sad. Preying on old people should be outlawed.

Will give my eldest sister a ring tonight to find out what is happening. May fly to Brisbane later in the week but it all seems so morbid.

Hope your Wednesday was uneventful.

A new week

I've moved my laptop back into my study. No more bed blogging.

I'm daydreaming out the window - dark skies, sun's out but I know it is cold out there, green trees and bushes, noisy miners bickering on the deck, Lucy asleep on my bed because I have left the electric blanket on in case I have to go back to bed suddenly.

I had to laugh yesterday, Mark was absolutely exhausted after cooking dinner and lunch and doing all the ironing and putting all the washing away and cleaning up the kitchen. It was all I could do to not say "welcome to my world" but I didn't because I really appreciate what he is trying to do.

Jess is not working today and I am so looking forward to her visit. She always explodes onto the scene. Her entrances are always dramatic and make me laugh. She is like some little wild kitten, completely untamed. She will probably arrive bearing coffee (or she had just introduced me to vanilla chai skim latte which tastes too sweet to be good for my weight) and anything else that she thinks I might need. Actually while I love the coffee her presence is enough. I am so blessed to have her.

The nights are hardest although yesterday there were a few bumps during the day. You may have heard of the term "busy legs" (my doctor's term). I think only women in menopause have it. My definition is that when I am lying down, or even sometimes when I am sitting, I cannot keep my legs still. They have to be on the move all the time. Doesn't that conjure up a mad picture! Usually a dose of magnesium clears this up but it doesn't seem to be working at the moment and so I spend all night trying not to wake Mark and trying to get comfortable. Not conducive to a good nights sleep for anyone. If anyone has any other remedies I would appreciate it. This all might end on Wednesday when the plaster and stitches are removed. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Two more attempted sleeps!

Got my Rudd money the other day. Whoo hoo. Am going to buy a sewing machine. Nothing flash just for repairs and patchwork. I have a friend who is willing to teach me patchwork so this will be one of my aims this year. Something to keep my hands occupied. Oh, and knitting but I am kind of scared of knitting (ridiculous isn't it?).

Hope today travels well for you all. I'm off to iTunes to look up a calming mantra I read about on another blog. Music sometimes helps me as does yoga and breathing but as I said at the moment nothing is working.

Whingey semi-bad patient

Believe it or not I am over being unable to walk and I have run out of pain killers and think that I am now suffering withdrawal symptons. Damn damn damn

Sick of being in bed, sick of sitting, sick of the effort of having a shower exhausting me.

Now I am going to be really unPC. I am tired of people visiting me. I cant do this. I am tired and while I love them all I have had to get out of my comfort zone twice in the past two days to have meals with friends.

Anyway..............

Happy Mothers Day to you all. Or Godmothers day or what a great aunt day. You all deserve to be fussed over as you are raising or helping to raise a generation of incredible children and grandchildren.

Gareth has arrived with another pandora charm and I know Jess will bring the same when she finishes work. My bracelets are filling up, each a wonderful memory of who and when it was given to me. Not the super expensive charms just charms that mean something to my beautiful children.

I'm back

Well here I am. Bed bound but still here. The operation went well apparently. I can weight-bear on ankle with crutches. Painful but not too bad. Spent the first three days with a morphine drip and now am on endone and digesics which I am trying to decrease. Spend a lot of time being nauseous which means I am not eating much. Have discovered Mark is not a great carer. He rings me and asks me what's for dinner? Hello, I am in bed, nauseous, havent a clue what is left in freezer and couldnt care if I ate again at the moment. The questions I am being asked a sigh-worthy like, where are the vases? the milk carton is leaking what should I tip the milk into? Good god he is a grown man who I may have spoiled a little. He has no concept of what I am going through I dont think. Oh enough whinging.

Thank goodness Jess called in yesterday on her way home from work. She bought me coffee, I could have my shower and she stayed for dinner and put her father back into a good mood. She really is a ray of sunshine most of the time.

Back to see surgeon next Wednesday. Which seems really quick to me.

My mum has a form of leukemia prevalent in the elderly which is getting worse. She has returned to hospital yesterday and it looks like she will not be coming back home again. But she is a tough old bird so who knows.

Tiredness setting in. I have nearly read all the blogs but may not have commented. Zanna I am sure we have been sisters somewhere along the road and I will answer your tag as soon as I am able to.

Have a good day.