It's raining

Friday 8 June 2007
My next statements are going to make me sound like a terrible mother so let me insert a disclaimer now, I love my children unconditionally and would do anything for them BUT
My house is a mess and those of you who ‘know’ me will know what this is doing to my phsyce. Mess makes me unhappy. I cant help it. DS has dumped all his stuff in my lounge room and filled up my beautiful study with junk – I can hardly move in there and I cant see that he is going to take it all with him when he leaves for overseas if he still goes as his job offer has semi fallen through. DD lives in a continuous mess which is gradually spreading throughout the house despite my best efforts.

Anyway, enough of this – yogic breathing and peaceful mind.

We have had two days (so far) of beautiful rain. I can hear the garden groaning in thanks after my meagre efforts to keep in moist. It is the kind of weather that invites a “doona” day but I have resisted so far. I am trying to get through another term without any sick days.

Have booked “Menopause the Musical” for Sept 15. Turned out that with fathers day, APEC conference and one friend not returning from overseas until beginning September that this was the only weekend in its short season we could make it. The plan is we go to the matinee and then the guys meet us afterwards for drinks and dinner. Yes Zanna and Suzy, I wish you were here too, so that we could go together but you know if you are ever passing through let me know and we will work something out.

My thicker yoga mat, blanket and wedge has arrived! Ordered it on Monday and it arrived on Thursday. How’s that for service. Looking forward to using them next week.

Arrived at work on Tuesday and opened my curtains to find this on my window sill.



I don’t know how they got him out there as they would have had to take the window screens apart but he is there keeping an eye on me. The things that my work colleagues get up to after I get home.

The grass trees are all in bloom and I cant say that I’ve ever noticed them before but it is probably because the bushfires have cleared the bush and I can see them now.

Went to the soccer (oops sorry football) on Saturday night. Was looking forward to a vocal football crowd but honestly, they were as boring as batshit. Similar to an Australian rugby crowd. The game was less than riveting and I actually think I nodded off towards the end. A bit of a disappointment but luckily we were guests so it didn’t cost us anything.

Weight is yo-yoing at the moment like my eating. Have been off colour this week and I think we, as a family, are sharing a stomach wog around between us. Such a sharing caring bunch.

Did Week 4 C25K again and didn’t do it as well as I did it the week before. Am all aches and pains which I think is due to reduced rheumatism medication. Very tempted to up my medication again but will wait for two more weeks until I see rheumatologist.

Finished eatpraylove and will probably buy myself a copy for reference. So many good things in it. Am now reading Bellydancing for Beginners which has drawn a lot of funny comments. I think my family thinks I’m having a second childhood or second teenagehood. Quite funny actually but me bellydancing is not a mental image I want to imagine.

Tonight (Friday) we are off to the city to meet DS’s friends for a surprise farewell party (is he still going?) at the Minus 5 bar at the Quay. We will get attired in warm clothes (hopefully) have a cocktail or two and stay for 30 minutes. Then they are moving on to other bars probably so I don’t know whether we will go with them or just go and have dinner.

Quick update:
Beautiful rain turned into horrific storms with loss of life and much destruction. Remember the lines from Dorothea Mackellar's poem, "My Country":

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror -
The wide brown land for me!

Kind of sums it up.

Due to weather and other things exercise has gone out the window this weekend.

Winter

“If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?”
Percy Bysshe Shelley

First day of winter today. Clear crisp days, cold nights. No rain in sight. Getting out the coats, gloves, scarves and all manner of warm things. Prying Lucy reluctantly out of the house in the mornings when all she wants to do is stay inside. Drinking red wine more now rather than the light summer whites. Hauling out the cookbooks and contemplating stews, casseroles and thick hearty soups. Snuggling in bed in the morning and wishing I didn’t have to get up.

Woohoo! Last Saturday I finally moved on to Week 4 C25K and it was not as hard as I thought it would be. Kept it slow, even though Robert was urging me on with peppy music in the second half I resisted him. Might repeat it again so that I can pick up a bit of speed this week. On the treadmill at the gym for day 2 and 3 put a slight gradient so I pushed myself a little bit more.

Lunch in Chinatown on Sunday was fun. There were so many people around; it was so bustling and vibrant. So many little shops I wanted to peek inside. I loved it. DH hated it. Hence our retirement problems. Lovely meal though and good company. Put the finishing touches to planning our long weekend away to the Hunter in July.

When I was driving to work on Tuesday there was a beautiful cloud formation with early morning sunlight behind it but being on a narrow road there really wasn’t the opportunity to stop so I thought I would take a picture down the bottom in the valley if I can. Well as drove down I hit a bank of fog and by the time I got to the bottom I couldn’t even see the sky, talk about seizing the opportunity.

On Wednesday, the sky to the west just before sunrise was the most beautiful blue. A greeny turquoise colour that filled me with elation (that’s the best I can do to explain what I felt).

Something I realised this week is that it doesn’t hurt me to be slightly hungry. I don’t have to eat something when I first get hungry. Now I just have act on this thought.

Back to eatpraylove : I read the “plumbers from New Zealand’s” instructions for freedom to Liz and the basic instruction was “let go”. This has been my mantra for some time when some action or thought is gnawing at my mind and making me unhappy. “Let it go – don’t worry about it”. Nothing is achieved by worrying about something that I can’t change through worrying or stewing over some imagined or real slight. This personnel mantra has stood me well over many difficult periods of my life. It has allowed me to move forward rather than dwell (and I am a dweller).

DS received his visas this week so it’s all plans full steam ahead! Suddenly the refrain I am hearing is ”so much to do so little time”.

Have registered to be one of the Field of Women on 11 August. Darling DH refuses to wear a pink poncho but agreed to come as my guest. The only problem with the 11 August is that it is the city to surf the next day and come hell or high water I am going to do it this year.

My repaying this favour is having to go and see Darryl Braithwaite at the local club in a couple of weeks. Not that I dislike Darryl Braithwaite, I did like Sherbert when I was much much younger, much much younger, but I have moved on. Still it will probably be a fun night full of nostalgia and much alcohol with other likeminded people.

Wore more clothes to yoga this week. The room has been made smaller, heaters are on but the floor is wooden and it is still a large space. Looked at one of the sites Mary sent me earlier this year, iyogaprops and I will go back and buy a thicker mat and maybe a blanket. I actually have remembered some of the sequences from this week and will endeavour to do them every day. Must remember to rebook for next term as this is a very popular class and I know I would miss it if I couldn’t go. Also have to book early for tai chi as it got booked out this term too and I miss Jorge and the sweet older ladies who go. I guess I have been away from tai chi for a year nearly.

“Menopause the musical” is coming back to Sydney and I am probably the only one in Sydney not to have seen it so I am canvassing friends to see if there is anyone else who would like to go. I usually don’t mind going by myself but I think this seems like something to be shared with friends (not the long suffering DH).

Highlights:
Trivia tonight with friends
Soccer – Australia vs Uruguay (thought I had gracefully sidestepped going to this)

Exercise:
Today: Gym program
Saturday: C25K run & pilates
Sunday: Lucy Walk & Swimming
Monday: Gym program
Tuesday: C25K run
Wednesday: Walk Lucy & Yoga
Thursday: C25K
(Still in the top 50 @ Walking with Attitude)

Edit: I have been trying to post this since yesterday but have had inexplicable problems with links.

A nice week all up

Have been feeling oddly enthusiastic this week. Willpower has returned again maybe not as strong as earlier this year but building nicely.

Weight has returned to what is was a couple of weeks ago mainly because I sat down and did a menu plan for the week and so have got back on track. This plan is not set in stone and when I am hungry I have been snacking on dates or mandarins rather than cream biscuits etc. I feel that my personal “black dog” has retuned to its kennel for the time being. I know he will be back but I am finding new ways to counteract him.

The weather has turned colder in Sydney. Beautiful clear days but cold nonetheless especially where I work. It is so cold down here in the valley and I wear so much clothing that I look like the Michelin man.

C25K – chicken little rides again. Have done week 3 again. Last Saturday morning after the usual argument as to whether I should get out of bed (I surely deserve a sleep-in) the next debate was whether to go on to Week 4 or redo Week 3. I chose Week 3 again and while it was still challenging it wasn’t as bad as it has been previously. The cold air in the morning is like champagne and certainly helps. Mary talks about her yogic breathing helping her, I find the Lemaze childbirth breathing technique helps me but probably doesn’t sound as good. Her reference to dragon breathing sounds like it could be closer.

Wedding at Wentworth Falls last Saturday was lovely. It was blowing a gale so they could not have it outside on the lawns but it was a clear bright day and the house was beautiful. At the end of the lawns we could see all this water spray and it turns out this was actually Wentworth Falls. Incredible views.

As mentioned earlier, am having interesting arguments with myself lately.

Will I go for my run early Saturday morning or have a sleep-in?
Eventually got up and went for a run and thought to myself, I love early in the morning so what’s with the arguments.

Will I take Lucy for a walk on Sunday morning or again, stay in bed longer?
Late again, I procrastinated but we did walk and it once again felt good.

Might give swimming a miss. Ive got so much to do at home.
Am so glad I went. Feel I had a breakthrough with freestyle. First 3 laps hopeless, next three slowed myself right down and it help a lot. I think my breathing problems have something to do with the gag reflex problem. I just have to swallow sometimes and that puts my breathing off.

(Sorry about the red printing but I cant seem to change it at the moment - hope you can read it.)

Once again, I love the book I am reading Eat Pray Love. I am thankful to Philippa for mentioning it and piquing my interest (I also have a list of other things she has mentioned). M says she wrote a blog on it a while ago which I must have missed or maybe I just wasn ‘t ready to read it. I will try to find it if I can still log onto her old blog. It is hitting a point in my inner place – almost happy certainly contented.

Re the above –had a funny experience at the gym this week. Things were conspiring against me for my Day 2 run this week but instead of throwing my towel in and going home I powered on through. Forgot my socks – will I go and buy some? No just wear my work socks – looked daggy and were not cushioned but they did. Got on my ‘special treadmil’ iPod didn’t work – flat battery!! What will I do? Come on, stupid question - this is my third week at Week 3 I know this program so I just did it listening to the gym music and pushed myself harder. Got home – no beef strips. That’s okay can slice up a piece of steak – at least I think it is steak, could be lamb. Oh well, it will do. These probably seem like little things but to me they aren’t. I’m a control freak and I like things to be exactly right. Maybe, hopefully, I am slowly learning to let go and not be so pedantic.

I also won the argument against chocolate biscuits at folk art.

I tried to meditate before yoga this week but couldn’t quieten my mind. It was racing off at all tangents . Talk about “monkey chatter”. My class is in a church hall and even with the heaters on it was cold this week. So, more clothes next week and maybe an extra padded mat might help.

Am carrying my notebook and camera with me. I am writing down feelings, things I want to remember anything actually and it is proving to be a bonus. I have taken a few photos lately whenever I see something that interests me (interesting light etc) as photos have been requested but at the moment my garden is a bit bare but am looking for inspiration. Will see if I can get any decent photos of my folk art.

Had dinner with DS last Monday night as DH had gone to Melbourne for meetings. Finally got to see his apartment. Close to the train station and city. You can see that two young men live there. Took me on a tour of his fridge and freezer both stocked with alcohol and not much else. Actually it was quite an impressive array of alcohol and I guess it will all be consumed in one last farewell party before he goes. We went to a local pub for dinner and I only got teary once when he talked about leaving. BUT he has said that he will only be away for the summer (theirs not ours). His job is being held for him here to return to so unless he truly loves it he will be back. I am happier now. I am trying not to be a clingy mother and have helped him every step of the way so far and I am excited for him but I will miss him immensely. Nobody gives me hugs like my 6’2” DS.

Highlights this week:
Am having a night at home tonight – DH is going to rugby tonight and while I was invited other wife not going so I was able to dip out letting them have a boys night. Am looking forward to catching up with stuff (including the boring stuff like ironing).

Breakfast at gym tomorrow, shopping for new rug, a Saturday night at home (you know you are getting old when you look forward to a Saturday night at home).

Lunch with Hunter Valley holiday friends on Sunday in China town. Catching train in so we will be able to imbibe.

DD is looking at a house on Saturday morning so keep your fingers cross that it is okay but I don’t hold high hopes.

Middle sister returns from holidays tomorrow. So glad have missed her and she is hopeless with her mobile phone.

Folk Art – the Christmas elf is getting closer to being finished (I am so over it) and there will be a picture

Yoga – Week 4.

And tah dah – am finally moving on to Week 4 in C25K. God knows how long I will be at this level but am really enjoying it and it has made me reassess my gym program and walks with Lucy. I think I tend to slack off and get comfortable (read in a rut) but I am now pushing myself a bit harder. It can only be a good thing.

Enjoy your week.

Food Addiction and other things

I have began reading two books (more really but two in particular) this month recommended reading, to find one http://www.lizbyrski.com.au/reviews/gangof4.html had read already and http://www.eatpraylove.com/eatpraylove.htm I must have read an extract in a magazine because when I began reading it I thought this is familiar but I haven’t read it all, at least I don’t think I have.

Went out to dinner on last Saturday night to a favourite restaurant, http://thebuddhabelly.com.au at Terrey Hills and while we had a lovely meal nearly died when the wine bill came for $180 (3 bottles). We had left the ordering up to one person and he obviously is wealthy or trying to impress. Two points to remember in future
1. Don’t go there for dinner again
2. Don’t trust one person to order the drinks
This was the first time we had been to this restaurant for dinner, we usually lunch there, and it will probably be the last time we go there.
What is it with restaurants and their wine mark-ups!

Am investigating food addiction at the moment but the server is down. I seriously think that there is something wrong with me when it comes to food. I cant recall ever being deprived of food to the extent that I think that if I don’t eat what is on offer I will miss out but that is exactly what I do. I am even considering seeing someone about it.
Sounds drastic doesn’t it but it isn’t meant to be, I’m just curious.

Feeling lethagic and vaguely unhappy and I am taking no prisoners in the food department. BUT these feelings havent affected my exercise which is probably saving me from massive gains at the moment.

Yoga is still going well. Series of gentle movements and stretches which is just what I need to ease me in to this. The only problems being no balance at all, trouble sitting on my legs (kneeling?) and something else hurts to but I cant remember what.

Running Week 3 again this week has been okay. Ran outside early on Saturday morning and the cold definitely helps. Got half through program and was flagging so took off sweatshirt (reminder to self to wear jacket next time as it is nearly impossible to keep moving and take off sweatshirt without losing iPod and/or stopping) and when the cold hit me, it revived me and I was able to complete it.

When I was leaving the park, a little old lady rode in on a pushbike with a helmet, obviously going for a ride around the walking/bike path that skirts the park. I thought how cute and told DH when I got back. His response? “She probably thought, how cute. That little old lady has been for a run”. They sure know how to bring you back to reality don’t they LOL.

Other running this week has been at the gym because I can only go in the afternoons during the week as the idea of running in the dark doesn’t appeal to me. Luckily someone pointed out to me a treadmill that lets you run for longer than the normal 20 minutes the others are all programmed for so I try to snaffle that one otherwise I have to stop iPod, reset treadmill under the slightly disapproving gazes of others, and start again and I lose my statistics. Oh so many hurdles (minor but hurdles nonetheless).

DS has sent his passport this week to Canberra to get his visa. Plans to be in UK by end of June.

Mothers day was lovely. DD came home at 7:30 am from work, made me breakfast in bed and then went to bed. DS arrived straight from work too with atlantic salmon and oysters. I went and did a Body Balance class which I really enjoyed. We woke DD about 2 pm for lunch on the deck. All in all it was a lovely relaxing day. Much better than spending a fortune at a restaurant. My deck is one of my favourite places to sit and relax with good food and good company and good wine. Plus I got to do some gardening as well. Rang my mum and wished her a happy mothers day. That was another bonus – not having to put up with the normal unpleasantness that she usually generates on mothers day – my eldest sister has to. (Mum’s first mothers day in Queensland and true to form came to dinner, ignored my sister completely, not even a thankyou or a goodbye.)

Am thinking about registering for http://www.fieldofwomen.org.au/ on August 11. The only thing stopping me is that it is the day before the City to Surf.

Highlights for the coming week:
Friday afternoon (just because there is no work for two days – boy am I over working)
Pilates on Saturday morning if I have time
A wedding in the blue mountains on Saturday afternoon (I want it to rain but not then)
Gardening and swimming on Sunday
More running (C25K) don’t know whether I will move up to week 4 or stay at week 3 for another week
Folk Art (the Christmas elf is progressing)
Yoga

Things I must do:
Carry my camera with me at all times
Reactivate my written journal and carry it with me to jot things down in - reminders, inspirational things etc

PS: DD and I have just spent time going through my wardrobe trying to find something to wear to this wedding. How disheartening. She found some things she likes including a cardigan I knitted eons ago which she wont take off. Finally settled on a variation of the little black dress after trying on skirts and tops and more skirts and tops but it still doesnt feel right. I feel lumpy.

Last week's post

This post has been sitting in my draft box for over a week.

Last week: Running going well. It is still a struggle but the endorphins that seem to be released are wonderful.

This week: Failure. Tuesday's run was a failure. Just couldnt do it. After "talking" it over with Zanna (my guru) have decided to run indoors on the treadmill until I can get my stamina up. Did that this afternoon at the gym and it was hard but made it. Because of Tuesday's hiccup I am going to do Week 3 again, running early Saturday morning outside and the other two days at the gym on the treadmill. I am also going to change my gym program and concentrate on building myself up. Blood tests show iron levels down so have bought some iron tablets (which apparently wont give me other problems) and will try to eat more red meat (at least more than I eat now which is practically zilch).

Shortsightedness: I am shortsighted and it really is a blessing sometimes because when I look in the mirror at me in the distance I dont look too bad. Up close is another story of course. Not worried though. Love this time of my life just wish I had more time to enjoy it more.

Have let the cleaner go. It was irking me that I was paying for 2 hours and she was never here anywhere near that long and she seemed to be cutting more and more corners. Have decided the money I was paying her will now go to my super in readiness for retirement and I will just factor in cleaning the house into my week.

Last week: The Super 14's Waratahs home rugby games are over for another year. One more match to play but I dont think they have much of a chance of making the semis - oh all right not a snowflakes chance in hell. Weekends are ours again.

This week: They won their last game and our beloved barney rubble, phil waugh, was back. Solid as ever.

Swimming was great but am having the same stamina problems that I am having in running. Any ideas on how to increase stamina would be appreciated.

Last week: First yoga class was good. Teacher is very nice. Seemed fairly easy but that was probably because it was the first class.

This week: Second class was just as good. Remembered the blanket this time as it gets cool during the relax at the end. Must get a small pillow too (sounds like I am bedding down for the winter doesnt it). Seemed a bit harder this time but years of pilates, body balance and dabbling in yoga at the gym have prepared me for a lot of it. The 90 minutes flies by.

Last week: DS talking about moving to Europe after he finishes TAFE in June. Sad.

This week: Sad isnt really the word - devastated it more the word. Looks like it will be around the 20 June. He has lined up a job at a golf course in England (may southwest London).

Have finished reading Salvation Creek by Susan Duncan. Couldnt put it down. Recommended reading.

Walking with attitude challenge: Am walking around New Zealand but havent really been tracking my checkpoints. Every afternoon I check my pedometer and if it doesnt look like I am going to reach 10000 steps I grab Lucy and we go for a walk. I dont think I have left the top 50 standings since I started. Am finding the pedometer a wonderful incentive to achieve those 10000 steps a day.

Highlights:
Yoga
Hopefully body balance on Sunday morning before Mothers Day kicks in
Dinner at favourite Thai restaurant at Terrey Hills
More gardening, more hedging
Hairdressers (maybe more blonde highlights)

Strange week

It has been a strange week. Have finally decided that I am not going to obsess too much about my weight and just try to eat well. Still following WW when I can but have had a couple of days when I have gotten the munchies around late afternoon but strangely it hasn't bothered me and even registered another small loss.

Have completed Week 1 of C25K. Had to do one of the sessions at gym on treadmill because of the weather but my running guru has assured me that it is okay and I agree Zanna, it is probably better for my knees although it still doesnt really feel like running unless I am outside. My heart rate goes through the ceiling but that could be a good thing????

DD's new car is gorgeous and IKEA was fun. She also took me out to lunch which was nice.

Parramatta Girls with Catherine and Sarah was wonderful. I really really enjoyed it. The seats were great, the actual show was incredible -laughing one minute crying the next and of course the company was wonderful.

The rugby was interesting. DH left me there at half time as he couldnt watch it anymore. Silly bugger missed the best part of the game. Luckily we were with other friends who made sure I got home safely. I was cross but I got over it.

The ballet was lovely too. My first time. Really enjoyed it. Looking forward to going again.

Work has been incredibly busy. I am doing my job and just working the hours I have to. After last terms revelations I am not going to put myself out again.

Have just heard that a friend has ovarian cancer - quite extensive. Has been operated on and they will find out more today. The news knocked me a bit. DD is definitely going to have the vaccination when it becomes available for her age group.

A friends son was savagely beaten over Easter by a group of 13-14 year olds 5 minutes away from where I live. I have always believed that my suburb was fairly safe so this has brought me up short and am now a bit hesitant about walking home from the station at night alone.

Have terminated (does that sound better than fired) my cleaner. It was a hard thing to do but I had to do it. Thank goodness I am not a person who has to hire and fire people. I dont think I could do it.

Highlights for this week:
Dinner on Saturday night at a favourite Italian restaurant at Glebe with friends
Week 2 C25K (my mind is telling me to do Week 1 again but onwards and upwards)
Rugby (last home game)
Will start swimming again this Sunday

Changes

Times seem to be changing. I have been brought up short by other people's observations this week. Blogs disappearing, people moving on. Sad but inevitable.

I like to live by lists. But, they can be counter productive too because it opens you up to failure if you dont achieve everything you want to do in a day. So, have scrapped lists yet again and am just trying to find some sort of natural routine which leaves me open to changes.

I have managed to tidy, hedge, weed, prune two gardens in the front yard so far but have run out of green bin space. Have rung the council and asked if it is possible to have two bins and the answer was yes so I have ordered it and it should arrive next week. Ive still got lots to do but nowhere to put green waste. The compost is full (happy little worms), the worm farm is full, the green bin is full, the weeding bins are full and I wont get them empty until tomorrow so I am kind of stymied.

Have also had a massive cleanout of the family room and a rearrangement, bought some new indoor plants, rehoused the canary and am generally feeling happier with that room too.

Have been a bit off with my eating for the last couple of days (read... eating all the biscuits). A bit bored really with being at home. I guess I do like being frantically busy and cramming as much into the day as I can. This does not augur well for retirement does it?

Have discovered custard apples. They are rich and creamy and so so sweet. Love them. Also have been having smoothies for breakfast with raspberries I bought when they were cheap and froze. Such an incredible colour and the taste sensation is wonderful.

Highlights for the next week:
DD picking up new car today and we are going to IKEA for some retail therapy
I will finish my book and be able to start another one
Rugby (not really a highlight but the social side is okay)
Parramatta Girls
The Ballet and dinner with friends
Back to work (a four day week)
Plan to start my C25K running program - podcasts loaded on nano and ready to go (thanks Zanna)

Not Happy (with myself only)

A gain this week. Expected after Easter I know especially by me but it has hit home this morning that I will never be able to relax in my eating which is going to make for a very dull life in some ways especially with the amount of socialising and entertaining we do. Looks like I am going to be the designated driver for the rest of my life.

I am moaning, arent I?

Stop it - there are millions of people worse off then me. Little problems really. Back on the horse/bike (or whatever I have fallen off) and off I go again.

No gardening done this week but I have cleaned two rooms of my house (excluding blinds, windows and curtains), rearranged furniture (with hopefully minimal scratching of the floor), taken a heap of stuff to Lifeline and managed to keep those two rooms tidy (can be a nearly impossible task with DD and DH and his piles of papers).

Lunch today with a sister, lunch tomorrow with friends. Engagement party tomorrow night and of course the rugby on Saturday night for another dose of disappointment.

Here's to a better week next week

A tiny loss but still a loss

Well the weigh in went okay. I lost 300g this week and I know a loss is a loss.
I exercised every day. I stayed within my points (I think - not sure about Saturday night when we ate out but did my best - grilled barramundi and salad but had 2 wines). Which brings to a total of four wines in the past four weeks - this is some sort of record for me.

Have bought everyone easter eggs and a tiny chocolate penguin from DJs for me. I mos well have something really really nice if I am only going to have anything. Also there is a packet of hot cross buns in the kitchen but I will probably give it to DD who is going camping this weekend.

DH has gone fishing with DS, one of his brothers and a posse of nephews tonight. Oh and a neighbour. They go every Easter (and have done for as long as I have known DH) and usually catch enough fish for everyone to have for dinner tomorrow. Mind you they used to go all night and come home tomorrow but as they are getting older they like their bed, as we all do, so I expect them home sometime late tonight. Usually it is a wild and woolly night but fingers crossed it doesnt seem too bad out there tonight.

I have go a stack of DVDs from the shop to watch over the weekend. Starting with the Lakehouse tonight when I get back from dinner with a girlfriend and DD.

Term 1 has now officially ended and I am on holidays! Yippee. It has been a tough term and I am glad it is over. Looking forward to catching up with people, gardening and giving my house a damn good clean. Plus I have a new book from the library to read - a chick-flick type book - nothing heavy and a new crossword book. Bliss.

I have downloaded the C25K podcasts as instructed by Zanna and am going to start them. I realise I cant run with Lucy. It is like dragging an 8kg weight behind me (someone is very unfit and I dont mean me). So I will have to add another exercise time to my day during the next two weeks. Also want to do some classes at the gym during the day. So many things, so little time.

Now I just have to survive dinner tonight, dinner tomorrow night, the chocolate penguin and the hot cross buns and I hopefully will not put on any weight this week. Once again, a loss, even a small loss would be okay.

Hope you all have a wonderful Easter break
Take care

New Look

Have gone for a new look to go with the new me. Ive got a bit of a green thing going lately. But have lost a few things off my sidebar so will have to try to work out how to put them back in the holidays. I am such a luddite but I am trying hard.

Weigh in today and have lost 600g this week. That puts me back into the 65s and I am aiming to be in the 64s by Easter (and then maybe I might go up again just a little).

Raining this afternoon so Lucy gets out of her walk. I may get the tramp out and bounce around for a bit. I havent really used it since I got it last mothers day because of all the problems I had last year. DH thinks it is just another useless acquisition but I will surprise him.

Starting to plan our trip to Europe next year. At the moment am thinking Italy, France and the Greek Islands with a short stop in London to visit friends. If anyone has any good websites that might be of interest in planning accomodation or places of interest feel free to let me know. Heard about a place called Cinque Terre from one of the guys at work. He has just been there, so that is on the list of places to investigate.

My MS has just found out she has an enlarged liver with lots of fat around it. Her cholesterol and blood pressure are quite high and she is carrying a lot of excess weight. So, no alcohol anymore which may be a challenge. She cant get in to see the specialist for two months but I think she will put that two months to good use by watching her diet etc. I wish I was closer so I could bully her (did I say that out loud).

Am going great guns with my walking with attitude. Am walking around New Zealand at the moment and have even reached an all time high of 14 in the standings. Woohoo! It is so nice to be able to walk again.

School holidays start next week and aside from the dentist and doctor visits I have a few lunches and dinners to contend with. Plus I am planning a major assault on the gardens. All this rain we have been having has made everything grow so quicklyand lushly including the weeds. So I am going to divide the gardens up into segments and do a bit each day (my new job) plus visits to nurseries at Galston, Ikea and Officeworks. So many things planned, so little time.

Went out to lunch last Monday and actually had a salad sandwich with no butter on brown and a skim flat white. Surprised myself. Then went to a network meeting and took my own green teabag and didnt eat the biscuits. Surprised myself again. Actually I am continually surprising myself lately. In the last three weeks have only had 2 glasses of wine and exercised daily and watched what I have eaten. Please all join hands and pray that this keeps up. I am like a woman possessed!

My ES wants to meet me in Melbourne in late May for her granddaughters 18th. I think I will, it will be a rush as I will have to leave work and head for the airport to get there in time but why not. DH hasnt committed yet to going but I am going with or without him. May even only fly down the Friday and fly home on Saturday depending on other commitments.

Anyway hope everyone is having a good week.

This week I am going to:
Exercise as much as possible
Eat well but sensiblely
Not remind my DD that it is time she moved out
Be more patient (need lots of help with this)

Me again

Im sort of back on track. You'll have to excuse any typing mistakes. Im wireless now so I can watch the rugby and sit in front of the TV and type.

Am back at Weight Watchers again and in the first week back lost a whopping 2.3kg but last week only managed 100g although I followed the plan again. The only explanation I can think of is that my body has gone into shock and is now squirrelling away any food that comes its way. Well I have news for it - its gonna have to give it up sooner or later.

Am exercising nearly everyday - either a gym session, a class, swimming or walking with Lucy. Even if it is only 30 minutes we do it everyday. Actually ran a little bit yesterday but it was a bit hard trying to run and dragging a very reluctant 8kg dog with me. She actually sat down at one stage and refused to move.

Am going to only go to pilates once every two weeks now as the class is being shared by two teachers and while I like both of them one takes our class straight after she has finished teaching a pump class and I think she is actually deviating away from pilates and more into balance and just plain exercising. Anyway, so I've decided to switch between pilates and body balance. Am also going back to tai chi next term.

DH has just come back from a 3 day golfing holiday with mates to the Sunshine Coast. Apparently he is planning another one in September to the Murray - 7 days 7 golf courses. I wondered why he was collecting allthose brochurs when we were down at
Rutherglen!

DD and I went to see "Music and Lyrics" or is it the other way around. Hugh Grant may be old (look who's talking) but he is still gorgeous and I enjoyed it in a very relaxed sort of way. It was a great brain drain.

One of my sisters has found out that she has an enlarged liver with lots of fat around it. Have googled it and it sounds very worrying. She cant get in to see the gastro guy until June but she is talking about modifying her diet and giving up alcohol now so that is good.

That's about it for the moment. Am still having problems at work, I cant remember whether I have mentioned anything but I am feeling very undervalued and looking forward to the Easter holidays.

Rugby not going well - DH is getting more and more upset. He wouldnt come with me a couple of weeks ago he is so disillusioned with the Waratahs. DS had to come with me which was a nice mother and son outing. But I doubt whether he will come with me again. I'll probably be the last Waratah fan at Aussie stadium and I promise to turn out the lights.

So sorry

If I knew how to turn off comments I would. I really dont want people to comment on this post.

I dont know how to verbalize my feelings at the moment but I know I havent checked in for a couple of weeks or read blogs or answered emails.

I am in a bad place at the moment regarding food. I am eating too much, but I have put a plan into motion to hopefully help me get over this problem.

I cant seem to say no to food - it is like an addiction. It makes me ill, literally. I cant eat this stuff but I also cant stop it. It has happened before and I know it will probably pass but I am filled with self-loathing at the moment.

Hey, how's this for a depressing post!

Had bad experience at work. You think you know people but you dont really, ever.

Im tired, overweight but still exercising slowly (a small positive).

Im a sad mess. Please dont worry about me, I am being self indulgent and I will move on. I need that switch to be triggered.

Here's hoping............................

Another week another kilo (not a good one)

A gain this week - bah humbug. All my fault. Have been following the "see food" diet and the scales show it. Zanna is putting me to shame - 6 weeks of no alcohol and good eating, she is soooo motivating and I am sooooo envious of her resolve.

On the positive side - am slowly getting back into exercise
Sunday - swimming
Monday - gym
Tuesday - walk Lucy
Wednesday - walk Lucy and small yoga stretch session
Thursday - walk Lucy
Friday - gym
Saturday - walk Lucy and pilates

These arent long walks or full gym sessions but am working my way back towards being fully mobile again.

(Lucy has to lose weight too. My two months of inactivity have meant that she has also been fairly inactive and needs to lose around a kilo. I got roused on at the vets when I took her for her yearly shots and check up.)

Got my new sneakers yesterday. After talking to my podiatrist last week, got runners rather than cross trainers. My new orthotics should be ready this week and he will fit them into the new shoes. Went for custom made orthotics this time which was an interesting experience especially the mold imprinting. He suggested that I get runners because they are lighter and the orthotics willgive me all the support I need. Picked Rykas because I liked the fact that they only make shoes for women but virtually had to arm wrestle the nice child in footlocker to get them. He was polite and pleasant and I am old and fiesty but I dont appreciate being lectured to about what shoes I should buy. I didnt get exactly what I wanted as apparently they were last years style - this years style was pink. Oh well - they look all new and sparkly.

DS is back from Thailand safe and sound. Have had yet another heart to heart with DD and hopefully things will get better here at home.

Off to Officeworks this morning with DH. Love stationery stores.

Have a great week everyone and will really try this week - I promise.

It's hard sometimes

To succeed at what we have decided to do we have to become selfish.

Putting ourselves and our needs first.

This can be a very hard thing for women (sorry if there are any guys who read this). There are so many things and people pulling us every whichway that sometimes it is just easy to say, "damn it, it's all too hard, pass the chocolate".

Well, someone once said "life wasnt meant to be easy"! Its not easy, its not fair but we do have choices. And most of us are making good ones most (but not all) of the time. We are not perfect, we stumble, get up, trip, get up, run, skip, stumble again - this goes on and on - this is life.

I read your blogs - your wonderful inspirational blogs - that have kept me going when times and circumstances seem so overwhelming.

I know you all struggle at some time, we all do, but we keep coming back to this place and saying help, give me your knowledge, support and do you know what, it always arrives.

This week:

• I am having my first day back at the gym tomorrow after an absence of over 2 months and I have worked out a program so that I can start slowly and hopefully build up to the levels I was at pre every thing going pear shaped last year.
• I went swimming today and improved on what I did last week and felt more comfortable doing it.
• I am going to take Lucy walking this week two or more times building up the distance each time.
• I am getting rid of my picture on my blog (when I can remember how to) because I look like a toothless old hag - my god whatever possessed me to put one up.

I hope you all have a wonderful week.

Good and Bad

So much for trying to be good over the weekend. I know I'm not alone in this - when confronted with food I eat, when stressed I eat, when drinking alcohol I eat, when unhappy I eat, when bored I eat.....you all get the picture. I think I may have had one or at the most two days since I last posted when I can say I stayed within the points. Bugger!!! My fault completely. Oh well Im have to start again.

Good news - aircast is off foot. Ankle is still sore and I think my calf muscle has wasted (apparently only takes two weeks) but doctor says break has healed well and I can start walking, swimming, cycling again. But start slowly and build up to it. I think I have forgotten how to walk and stairs are giving me a bit of a problem but I will try. Might even go swimming this Sunday.

Only my little finger is still in a splint. Apparently healing quite well. Back to surgeon in 4 weeks for another xray and evaluation. Seem to have forgotten how to type and my writing looks like a 5 year old but these too can be relearnt. I am mobile again and can drive myself.

DD graduated on Tuesday. I dont think I could have been any prouder and when the 799 marched onto the parade ground I got all teary. I know I wasnt the only one. Her graduation photos are beautiful. She has started work already and tonight is her first night shift.

DS sounds like he is having a ball in Thailand. I think a lot of alcohol is involved. Will be glad when he is home again. Im such a mother!

First week back at work and everything seems to be going well. Better than I expected. Everyone will be away next week at conference so I am looking forward to the peace and quiet to get some of those things I keep putting off done.

Hope you all had a better week than me food wise and your weekends are relaxing.

Naughty

I am weighing myself everyday which I know is not ideal and I shouldnt do it because I know it can be very disheartening, and I will STOP this Saturday but because I am not exercising I have been interested in seeing that if I can keep within my daily calorie intake whether I can lose the weight I have put on over the last 5 weeks.

I have been tracking religously except when I eat out (too hard to guestimate but I do try to be sensible). I am trying to keep within allowance although most days I find I just go over.
I have been drinking at least 6 glasses of water a day.
I have a little book to write everything down.
I have been wearing my pedometer again even though I cant get over 5000 steps per day.
I am surprised at the amount of carbs in fruit (are there such things as good carbs?).
I mostly have confined myself to one glass of wine a day, when DH gets home from work, but am aiming for every other day.

It is raining today and the bushfires are receding. We were okay here at home because the wind was always on our side but I was worried about work. Although over 900 hectares of my beloved park has been burned no properties or people were destroyed.

DS had his own fire to fight on Monday at work. They think kids started it as two were seen running from the area just prior to it going up. He arrived home for his weekly baked dinner covered in black soot and smelling like he had been smoked and extremely abuzz. Elvis was there too and apparently amazing to watch in action close up. The course staff concentrated on put out the spot fires that had jumped two fairways and were heading towards houses and left the main fire to the regular firies and of course the magnificant Elvis and friends. I gave him some of his fathers clothes, he went for a swim and I washed his clothes. So proud of him, he is growing into a magnificent man.

DD has her roster now and starts next week. She is understandably nervous and is not a person I would recommend talking to at the moment as she is a bit depressed or as I've come to classify these people "sunshine suckers". I know this probably seems harsh but she does not like new things or change, never has, from her first job at a fast food call centre at 15 when I had to drive her to work for her first shift after training and force her out of the car (she worked there 5 years). I dont think I can do that this time, after all she is an adult and armed and certainly does have attitude.

DS off to Thailand on Friday (I know he will be fine but he enjoys stirring me up by talking about skydiving etc).

Rugby season is nearly upon us again and I have just signed up for a tipping competition for the Super14s. I really have no idea, and DH will tell me so, but it will be really interesting to see how I do as opposed to those who "know" what they are talking about. Teehee. I have great aspirations.

A big weekend ahead - at least two long lunches (there goes the tracking again) but I will try. Early start tomorrow as we have to pick up DDs furniture and bring it back to Sydney and of course we have to fit in with DDs plans ie a hairdressing appointment in Sydney at 1:30 pm. Some things never change. I am just there for company as I am still classified as disabled, and once I am fully wake up will plug in my iPod and sing to DH to keep him alert. Nobody could not be alert at the sound that I make.

Hope all you Aussies have a great Australia Day. Make good choices and enjoy. Have a good week too.

A tag game....

I have accepted Zanna's tag and have probably done it the wrong way - there was probably an easier way to do this but I copied and pasted.

Things you may not have known.....

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Mail sorter
2. Secretary
3. School Assistant
4. School Admin Manager

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Sleepless in Seattle
2. Casablanca
3. Breakfast at Tiffany's
4. Under a Tuscan Sun

C) Four places I have lived
1. Putney
2. Gladesville
3. Gordon (very briefly)
4. Asquith

D) Four favourite T.V. shows
1. West Wing
2. Biggest Loser
3. Buffy the vampire slayer
4. Midsommer Murders

E) Four of my favourite foods:
1. Any starchy carbohydrate
2. Nibblies (cheese,dips, sundried tomatoes - you get the picture)
3. Thai
4. Freshly fried chips and spicy tomato sauce
(Now you can see why I am constantly battling my weight)

F) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Actually quite happy here at home but .....
2. Work (I know but I am bored)
3. Having lunch with girlfriends
4. France

G) Four friends I think will respond: (sorry blog mates I know you have probably all done this before)
1. Caramelkitkat
2. Linda
3. Sue
4. Michelle

Two weeks.....

Two weeks to go -

Removal of the "pretend ski boot" for the broken ankle and the finger splints. Yahoo! I will be able to walk, drive a car, use my credit card, fill out forms, be independent again.

Back to work - DH is taking some time off, working from home and driving me for the first couple of days because I may not be quite there by the time I have to go back.

DD is graduating and going to be a real policeperson (a probationary one but nonetheless real).

DS is going to Thailand and I will be extremely tense until he returns safe and sound.

Now the bad news -
Have put on over 4 kilos since I have been immobile. Am bored, frustrated and prbably trying to do too much.

DD has been home on leave and has wiped out my internet usage for the month so everything is extremely slow and I cant see everyones photos as they take too long to come through if at all.

Good news:
Our holiday to Rutherglen was successful. Captured many bottles of wine which will be treated kindly and shared with friends. It was hot - 39 degrees most days but air conditioning makes it all bearable. They are in drought, as is most of Australia, at the moment. The grass broke when you walked on it! Hopefully the drought will break in 2007.

DS came up on his way home from work on Sunday and put a wetting agent on DHs lawn. I know lawns arent good things to have in droughts but DH is a lawn freak and usually has it looking like a bowling green.

Have actually used my time to catch up with filing and bill paying in my study. Will try to keep on top of it this year. Still have more to do but it is getting there.

French is progressing slowly. I see there are french classes starting in May at local TAFE so I will have to check that out. LOL - have been reading the french instructions on skincare products and trying to decipher.

Well DH is looking after everything - cooking, cleaning up and the big one - ironing! Friends think he is making an early run for "husband of the year". He apparently won the 2006 title due to having to organise another Christmas by himself. I say - since he is so good at it he might get the job permanently - hehe, no I wouldnt be that mean, he really is a treasure,

Off now to liberate a bottle of the captured wine while I wait for him home from work. He will be late so I may even try to make something for dinner otherwise we will be eating at midnight. Did I mention how frustrating it is to be incapacitated. Oh I did - sorry, will stop whinging immediately.

If at first you don't suceed.......

OK here I go again. Hopefully this will work this time as Im finding typing tedious and extremely hard.

I had my hand operation on 21st December. Pins inserted into the thumb, index and little finger on my right hand to fuse the first joint. The plaster came off yesterday and I now have individual splints held on with hot pink velco and exercises and pshysio for the next 4 weeks. My joints were so badly affected by the arthritis I had to have a bone graft (taken from my wrist). I cant work out which has been the most painful.

You would think that is enough wouldnt you but oh no
Last September I slipped over in the city and I thought I had just badly sprained my ankle. Guess the healing process meandered on because I wasnt doing much while I was awaiting my back operation in October but once I was over that I was off and running literally. Couldnt do weights but concentrated on cardio. Mid December lower leg blew up and I hobbled back to GP (who has now instigated a care plan for me) had it xrayed and guess what, old break (probably Sept fall) had shifted and of course all the ligaments I had damaged werent helping so off to foot surgeon the next day and now have one of those big boots because I couldnt have plaster or crutches as I was going into hospital the next day for my hand.

So here I am, yet again virtually housebound for another school holidays. Oh well the rest will do me good.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: No hospitals for me in 2007 (pray the ankle heals well and I wont need surgery).

DD is home at the moment from college and she has been driving me to drs appts. She goes back next Friday week and then it is only a couple of weeks to graduation.

DS is off to Bali in a couple of weeks. My opinion that he should not go was ignored as usual but he did ask me.

DH and I are driving down to Rutherglen next week using the time DD is in Sydney to mind Lucy so we can take the car for a spin.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year. I have caught up with most of the blogs.
Sharon I love your new hair cut. It looks amazing.
Zanna, the poem "Twas the month after Christmas" is winging its way to some of my friends who I know will relate to it.
Jodie, congratulations on the new teeth milestone.

Have read two books -
Whitethorn Woods by Maeve Binchy and The Dreamkeepers Daughter by Kim Edwards. Both completely different but both really enjoyable.
Enjoying listening to my Edith Piaf CD (Chrissie present from DD)
Have started my french lessons so hopefully by next year, if and when, we go to Europe I will be able to at least understand it and maybe speak it.
Am slowly working my way back to my sensible eating plan (notice the absence of the word diet). Exercise is a pipedream at the moment so I will have to rely on eating better and drinking less (perhaps another pipedream).

Take care and enjoy 2007 - I intend to.

Update and sign out

Heaven knows what happened to this post. Thanks Michelle for alerting me. Will try again tomorrow as I only have one hand working at the moment and it takes forever to type.

Living Life to the Full

Life has been a bit hectic lately.

Im a bit stiff in my joints and back but otherwise I feel good.

My middle sister turned 60 in October and because I was in hospital I missed her birthday lunch so I took her out to lunch on Saturday and then on to see "Woman In Mind" with Noni Hazelhurst. It was something she normally doesnt do and I think she enjoyed the day out.

On Sunday we had friends for lunch and it was an extremely long lunch with me finally getting into bed around 1 a.m.

Monday night I went to the last Sydney U2 concert and danced and sang the night away. Maybe not the best thing to do for a recovering back but boy did I have fun. Everyone keeps saying, including Mark, I dont know any songs that U2 sing so last night I tuned my ipod into the radio and played all their songs for him.... oh yes, he had heard them before. Have just ordered an ipod shuffle to complement the ipod 40gb one I have as I needed something smaller for walking. Sounds silly doesnt it but I find my normal ipod too bulky.

Finally bit the bullet last week and bought a ghd hair straightener over the internet. Good price, although not as good as, was it Mary?, but anyway I was pleased. Jess has had one for nearly a year and when she is home I use hers but she seems to be coming home less as the session goes on and her days at the college are getting longer. So, I bought my own.

Finally finished my "Walking Africa" challenge. Looking forward to the next one but as I have broken my pedometer, snapped the back off this one, dont know my own strength, I will have to wait until new one arrives.

IMPORTANT QUESTION: Now everytime I open my blog up it asks me to sign over to the new version. If I do this will it make problems for me, knowing I am not that computer literate. It says it wont but should I believe it.

Have instigated Shannon Lush's latest book "Speed Cleaning" into my life. Initially it was a bit daunting, because even with a cleaning lady, this house had not been cleaned properly for a long time but now it is easier and as long as I follow her tenets I think I will be able to keep on top of it. Of course having only two people here is a bonus.

My study (formerly known as Gareth's bedroom) is finished. Repainted, new carpet, all my desks, bookcases and some of my painting equipment moved in. Will have to get Optus to move broadband connection but am managing at the moment with a very long Cat5 cable run under the house. Just got to clean out his wardrobe of all the things he has left behind and then I can use that for additional storage. It is heaven.

Gareth is participating in "Mo-vember". Being so fair (but extremely cute) his mo is taking some time to grow but I sent off my donation today and am looking forward to it hopefully being shaved off on December 1.

Have gone to see a doctor re the dreaded menopause - a GP who is also a naturopath. I have to have a blood test done and then we will see where it goes from there. Didnt mind the "power surges" in winter but I think that they will be a bit hard to take in summer.

Back to the back surgeon next week for a final check. PT at gym says I cant go back to pilates for 3 months total (2 months to go) so I will have to rely on walking although my muscles feel like jelly and the first few walks felt like I was walking on marshmallows. I cant believe how quickly the muscles degenerate. I will know more after I talk to surgeon next week. I could kiss this man - I am so grateful not to be in pain anymore.

Anyway, enough rambling. Hope you all are having a good week and I will catch up with your blogs tomorrow and Friday.
Take care

I'm fine

Sore but not sorry. The nerve pain in the left leg has gone. Just operation sore now I think. Resting heaps, eating for more than 1 (even though there is definitely only one - damn here I go again). Will take my first walk on Saturday under supervision (DH insists). Looking forward to getting back to normal. Thankyou for the kind emails and ecards. Hope your week is going well.....
PS Have been trying to post this but either broadband is being difficult or blogger is. No Saturday walk because it is rainy and cold again. Progressing well though.

A Prayer

This prayer was sent to me by a dear friend. I am not a religous person but I loved the words and hence I pass it on to anyone who cares to read it.

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

Im off tomorrow for the operation that I seem to have been talking about forever. I am not sure when I will be able to return to blogging because as usual I forgot to ask some important questions like when will I be up and about. I expect to probably be home on Saturday or at the latest Sunday.

Causes for Celebration

Today is the last day of work for this term. Yahoo. Once I finish up the BAS and final payments and end of term reports, back up computers it is time to kick back and just enjoy. Sleeping in is on the cards for the next month.

Sleeping in the next month because I have my back op on 12 October - under 2 weeks! So looking forward to it. Who would have thought! Two weeks holiday and then 2 weeks recuperating

Tomorrow is my 53rd birthday. I cant tell you how quickly the years are flashing past now. It seems to me that I am on fast forward all the time. DH is still in France. I was going to the races with friends but sanity has prevailed and they suggested that I might not be able to manage it without having my rock (DH) with me. I must admit I heaved a sigh of relief - I didnt want to be the one to pull the plug. So, I am going up to watch the Swannies win another grand final with friends (I will yell and shout and have no idea what in the hell is going on but will enjoy the atmosphere anyway) and then on to a special birthday dinner with more friends which is incredibly sweet of them.

DD is coming up from Goulburn and taking me out to lunch on Sunday. I suggested that she do this as I dont need any presents - maybe out to one of those nice plant nurseries out Dural way where I can buy some plants.

I will catch up with DS sometime on Saturday I think. He has been helping me with pool maintenance this week, especially after last Sunday - the backyard looked like a cyclone had gone through it. We had our roast on Monday night - my butcher made me the cutest little lamb roast - just enough for two. Yesterday he came up and put the garbage bins out for me as I just cant manage them at the moment.

Having lunch next week with M. I am going to the opera house for a matinee performance of The Tempest and we are catching up. I am so glad as I have missed so many meetings(?) over the last six months.

Middle sister is coming down for lunch next week and eldest sister is coming down to stay for a couple of nights at the end of October. They are still not talking to each other and while it did cross my mind to engineer a meeting ES has warned me not to or she wont come. It is so hard as I dont want to alienate her so I guess I will be a chicken and let sleeping dogs lie. (How is that for a group of cliches.)

MS is 60 this year, next month actually. Nothing has been arranged. Have tried to contact her partner but he is either never home or maybe on the computer. Dont want to leave a message as it would arouse her suspiscions. So have sent an email to her daughter asking if anyone was going to arrange something to celebrate her birthday. I am a bit annoyed. She does so much for her children and they should know that even if she says dont worry they should do something. I actually was thinking about having a surprise dinner for her until I remembered that I would still be recovering from op. What I have decided that belatedly, in November, I would take her to the theatre to see the new play "Woman In Mind" with Noni Hazelhurst. Have made the offer and am waiting to see what she says.

Anyway enough waffling. GO THE SWANS! Have a great weekend (a long one in NSW).

Missing DS

I got halfway through reading everyones blogs and have to give up.

It is all too much.

Im tired - pain making sleep impossible
My DH is now overseas - thank God or I would be keeping him awake every night too
Im in pain - seems to be getting worse and the demotivation is phenomenal (or however you spell it). Luckily only fairly heathly food in house at moment although I am eating far too much of that even.
Im lonely - God it has only been two days

Please stop the wind. I dont need the extra work of trying to keep the pool clean. (Im a whinger arent I?)

Spent this week at a conference and met some really inspiring women from all over the State. If I was in a better frame of mind it would have been awesome.

Off to bed.
Things to look forward to this week:
Last week of work before 2 weeks holiday and then 2 weeks sick leave
Being audited by the dept auditor (no not really looking forward to it)
Birthday on Saturday (either at the races or watching the Swannies with friends win another grand final)
Dinner with son tomorrow night - since he has moved out we are so close. Funny isnt it. I really look forward to him visiting. Now just have to get him to clean out his room (aka my study). Speak of the devil, guess who just rang to make sure I was okay and to sort out what we are doing for my birthday.
Second call, eldest sister(es) having a really bad time with Mum. Finally understands what middle sister and I was (were?) talking about.
Rambling now - bed time
Hope everyone has a great week
xxxzzzzz

Feedback on Calorie King

A quick question - is anyone following calorie king? I just had a quick look at it, and found out I already have the book (one of many). Thinking I might give it a go as I am seriously demotivated with Weight Watchers. It's not entirely their fault but I know I need help at the moment and I dont feel that I can get it by revisiting Weight Watchers again.

Have just cancelled my account for the online diary etc with Weight Watchers which I think was costing me about $16.95 a month. Calorie King offers a years subscription for $29 with an online diary. Seems good value for me as I did like the online diary at Weight Watchers although I found it cumbersome and awkward to use.

Anyway, if anyone is using this plan let me know. For once I am not rushing into something mainly because I know the problem lies within myself. I have to get my mind around this problem I am having with food.
:o)

Kind of sad

Hi everyone
Have been reading everyone's blogs and am kind of sad that people seem to be dropping off (including me). Life gets busier and busier doesnt it.

I dont email or read blogs at work anymore as I found it was interfering with my workload. Anway, they are starting to block personal emails and other things now with their new system. Hasnt quite caught up with our centre yet but it is coming.

Home life is busy too.

Am home today as I fell over on Saturday and twisted my ankle and cant quite flex it enough to drive. (High heels, all day at the rugby and alcohol definitely dont mix - you'd think I'd know that by now wouldnt you?)

All booked in for operations - back op is on 12 October and hand op is on 21 December. (My sister reckons I am just trying to get out of Christmas again and she is probably right.)

DH is due to go to France on business again soon. He is trying to get out of it - typical of a person who travels a lot and is a real homebody. He may be away for my birthday but I have told him that is okay but I expect a HUGE present. May end up going to races for my birthday with friends. We'll see.

DS is all settled in his unit with mate. They have now bought everything they need and we only see him once a week for the baked dinner. He sold his king single bed for me on ebay and he came up to be here when the bed was picked up. Got heaps more than I thought I would and I am one step closer to setting up my study in his old room.

DD is not in the newbie group at college anymore. The new recruits started today. She has exams coming up and so wont be home this weekend (first time since she went down). She is still loving every moment of it and doing extremely well. Funny isnt it - she struggled at school, being more interested in sport than schoolwork but she is doing extremely well down there.

The children came home yesterday (fathers day) and cooked lunch for DH. It was really funny, DS rumbled his sister constantly all day - she couldnt walk past him without being attacked. He said that it was something he missed as they arent usually at home at the same time and when they have seen each other it is usually in a pub or club and he didnt feel he should rough her up (read brotherly love) in public.

Anyway, enough about me and mine - CONGRATULATIONS TO JODIE AND JAIMIE. Zoe is absolutely beautiful. Well done M for keeping us uptodate. Hope Jaimie enjoyed his first fathers day - well timed!

Congratulations to everyone who received flowers lately. So did I - from my boss (actually a beautiful deep pink cyclamen) for SASS (school admin support staff) appreciation week. What a surprise. Thought he had had enough of me being sick.

Anyway, hope everyone is having a great week.
xxx

Attempt number (god only knows)

Here I go again. I am starting again again again.

I am going to weight watchers for weigh in tonight even though I know it will be ugly (even more ugly than last time).

I am going to have to deny myself all the extra special treats I have been having (as much as I can anyway). And it really will be deny.

I think my problem is that my brain (or is it my stomach) doesnt ever register as being full. I just keep eating.

I watch my children and husband all say they have had enough, and am continually amazed that they can say this. I dont think that I have ever not finished a meal completely and I eat extremely fast (actually a family joke about the speed of my eating). I try to slow down and leave some but cant do it (yet). Same with drinking alcohol, I guzzle. Thank goodness for rounds otherwise Id be under the table quicker than you could say, yes I'll have another one.

Anyway it is heading toward lunch time and I havent caved in and ambushed the bikkie barrel at work (either of them - sweet or savoury) so hopefully this augurs well for the rest of the week.

I have a 21st at the races this weekend to contend with and not wanting to sound defeatist dont hold out great hopes of me not eating or drinking too much. The saving grace is I have a toothache and it might slow me down a bit (that's sad isnt it?).

Aside: the lyrebird has come down to my office window and is loving his reflection and making noises like a bicycle bell (at least that is what I think it sounds like) and calling to his mate. Magic.

Goals:
Stay within points each day (back to 18 a day to get me back in line)
Exercise each day somehow (neurosurgeon tomorrow)
Cut down on carbs (my favourites)
Get new trainers organised (keep walking into shops, looking and leaving - it is all too hard)

Have a great weekend.....

The delight of Spring

From Wind in the Willows:
"Spring was moving in the air above and in the earth below and around him, penetrating even his dark and lowly little house with its spirit of divine discontent and longing."

I know how Moley felt - I can feel the stirring and the general feeling of well-being that these gorgeous days with their brillant warmth, incredible sunrises and sunsets bring. The warmth makes the aches and pains less and fills me with "joi de vie".

Had the MRI today at the San. It was fine. I was a little sleepy from sedation and my sister came down to drive me again but I treated her to a fine lunch at the local pub with a glass of wine which all in all was a pleasant way to spend Friday. Had xrays of hands done at the same time and it is off the hand surgeon on Tuesday week to talk about fusing some joints.

It is surprising the number of people who have told me that they too have had bulging discs and that it righted itself after months or even years. How on earth do you put up with this pain for so long? I cant walk, I cant stand, I have trouble sleeping because of the pain when I am lying down. I have stood it for 4 months but if I can possibly have an operation and get some relief I will chance it.

Anyway back to wind in the willows:
"up we go, up we go till at last, pop! his snout came out into the sunlight and he found himself rolling the warm grass of a great meadow. This is fine he said to himself. This is better than whitewashing!" The sunshine struck hot on his fur, soft breezes caressed his heated brow, and after the seclusion of the cellarage he had lived in so long the carol of happy birds fell on his dulled hearing almost like a shout. Jumping off all his four legs at once, in the joy of living and the delight of spring without its cleaning, he pursued his way across the meadow till he reached the hedge on the further side."

So sorry...I've been slack

I've been slack lately. Giving in to the blackness - well not really but it sounds dramatic.

Back to weight watchers last week. Knew the result was not going to be good but I was over by 1.8 kgs (not a lot but extremely hard to move). Paid my money and have tried to hop back on the wagon. Know what to do but am finding it hard this time round but have been tracking even if some of the daily results have been horrific.

Thanks for the emails of support especially M. I dont know what I would do without them.

Cirque dul soleil with DS was wonderful. Not only was he a wonderful person to go with and enjoyed it as much as me but he took all the stress I was feeling about going out of the day and made it even more enjoyable. Nothing was too much trouble. When he came for dinner last night for his weekly roast he actually mentioned that we get on so much better now we dont live together and he is right. I get lots of help when he is around as well as all encompassing hugs (I think I come up to his armpits).

We are in the middle of a storm at the moment and Lucy is sitting on my lap shivering so typing is a bit difficult.

Went back to rheumatologist today and he supplied me with a new form to get the MRI done before I go to next neurosurgeon. Sister is once again coming down to drive me because I may have to be sedated because I dont like enclosed spaces. Also getting my hands xrayed as I have an appointment with the hand surgeon. Need to have the thumb and index finger joints on my right hand fused (arthritis strikes again)apparently. So many doctors so much money - oh well. DH keeps muttering about trading me in on a new model (something about when cars start costing you a lot of money it is time to trade them in).

DS loves the police academy. She missed her boyfriend but comes home every weekend but loves Goulburn and what she is doing.

I hope everyone had a great time at the dinner on Saturday night and you all ran/walked well in the C2S. I was thinking of you all and looked for you on the TV. I know you were the ones in the red caps.

I have been trying to do sudokus at the moment. Am trying to keep my brain active and I do love numbers but I fear that these may be beyond me. I get so far and then realise that Ive made a mistake and give up. I will have to buy a book with easy ones in it until I work out how to do them. I thought I had it today but was wrong again.

Anyway I hope everyone is having a great week and I am going to catch up with your blogs this week if it kills me.
Take care........

Pain Management Blog

Well lots of things have happened.

As per previous post, decided I didnt really like the spinal surgeon I went to see a couple of weeks ago but thought I would have the MRI done so I was prepared for whatever next happens. Of course, I lost the form. Have rung and asked for another one but I am not holding my breath as the receptionist did sound too hopeful. Probably justifies my thoughts on the doctor.

I have broken out into a rash - dont know what it is caused by but my GP is overseas so I went to see the locum and got some cortesone cream which seems to be working. Skin is really dry and itchy and I have a feeling it is something to do with menopause. The locum was also an acupuncturist and talked me into having acupuncture on my back. DH was not enthusiastic and in the meantime, between appointments, I had a meeting with a personal trainer at the gym to work out a program that I could manage without having to put my membership on hold. She was great and had had two back ops herself (dont know why and didnt like to ask) so was able to help me with a very small exercise program but she also gave me the name of three doctors.

I rang the first one, first thing Monday morning, and the receptionist told me that he had closed his books but they were having a meeting that morning about reopening them and to ring back at lunchtime. Now I feel this is good karma because when I rang back she gave me an appointment for 25 August.

Anyway the upshot is I cancelled the acupuncture, made an appointment with my GP next week so I can get a referral to the specialist.

This is fast turning from a weight loss blog into a pain management blog but hopefully not for long.

I have been a bit up and down with my food lately and today has been particularly woeful. Anything that faintly resembled food has been eaten without a backward glance. I know I shouldnt and I am telling myself I shouldnt as I shovel it in but cant seem to stop myself.

Am bored at work - maybe because it looks such a lovely day outside and I wish I was out there. As nobody is here today but me I went and sat outside in the sun for a while - could have laid down and nodded off.

Friends are coming for dinner tomorrow night and then the rugby on Saturday night. DS turns 24 on Sunday. DD is home for the weekend (sort of).

Nearly time to go home - time to close everything down. Hope you all have a great weekend. Sunshine here I come.......

Life moves on

Found out what is wrong with my back: a herniated bulging disc. Three options:
Learn to live with the pain
Try injections again
Have an operation to cut away where the disc is bulging and pinching the nerve.

I guess the next step is an MRI. Have to ring and find out about having one with sedation because of the claustrophobia(?).

Anyway am surviving with minimum amount of sleep and eating everything in sight.

My sweet little canary, Spike, died last week. He has had a number of strokes over the past couple of years but always managed to survive and recovery but I guess this time he didnt. He looked very peaceful, I actually thought he was asleep.

We have removed our slow combustion fire from our loungeroom and replaced it with air conditioning. We have had the fire for over 20 years and it was lovely but its use by date was up and I must admit pushing a button is easier than trying to light a fire everynight. DH keeps muttering - "its not as warm as the fire".

Children have all settled into their respective new homes. DD came home last weekend (only to shower and trash) and we met the boyfriend for the first time. He was nice and it was so funny watching her be all soft and sweet. DS spent last week in Queensland at a conference. I dont think Brisbane will ever be the same.

DH very kindly gave up the option of watching the second match of the Bledisloe live this Saturday to go with friends to see Doug Parkinson and have dinner at the local Thai. We will tape it and watch it when we get home. Hopefully it will be a better result than last time (for the Wallabies that is - sorry to all the All Black fans).

Am getting back into the swing of things at work but as usual the days are not long enough. Roll on summer
:o)

I dont know what's wrong.....

Thank you for comments and emails.

I dont know why but I am sad today. Cold and sad. Im tired of the pain. Seeing surgeon on Friday and hopefully he will know how to fix me. I try to walk Lucy a couple of times a week and I cycle at the gym but I know that is not enough for me. I used to do so much. I feel bad.

Yesterday I went to a conference and heard a motivational speaker who was wonderful and she made me feel wonderful too. But today I feel sad - a bit like a sugar spike I guess.

Did I mention that I am married to a simply wonderful man. Im surprised he hasnt mentioned trading me in on a new model as I feel like I am wearing out rapidly and he is so patient. If it is not one thing it is another thing wrong with me. Damn damn damn!

Children are fine. They visit or call often. Everything seems to working out well for them. DD loves the police training and DS has gone to a conference in Brisbane this week.

Hunter was nice. Lots and lots of kangaroos. Probably too many due to drought. I spent my morning walks stepping over dead ones on the side of the road. Saw two foxes (alive) as well. Nice wine, good food and met new people.

Sorry if I am depressing anyone. I have been dodging posting because I have felt like this for a while. Havent been checking my emails. Guess it will pass in due course. No it is up to me to get over this. Im off........

Finished walk finally

Hooray, Ive finally finished the North half of Bibbulmun track and I am off to Africa for a safari. I honestly thought that I would never make the end of the track but I did. Honestly, it is one of the few things keeping me motivated at the moment - now if I could just remember to put the pedometer on first thing everything will be great.

Slight disaster with my hair. Remind me never to listen to son's advice again. My hair is now a butter colour. Didnt leave it in long enough. Decision now is to whether to try again to lighten it or go darker. Either way it could be another disaster in the making.

DD has returned to Goulburn after a weekend at home. It was like living with that tasmanian devil from the bugs bunny show. A whirlwind of destruction. But house is more or less back in order and we probably wont see her again for a few weeks unless her boyfriend returns from europe and then she will definitely be coming home.

Have been a bit unmotivated lately and not been using my e-tools for tracking and generally pigging out a bit. Went back into e-tools on weekend and discovered that they have improved it (you can now print out your daily points tracker so that you can read it - or analyze it in my case to find out where I have been going wrong or just to keep me on the straight and narrow). So hopefully I am back on track again although I have the theatre this Wednesday and our holiday in the Hunter commencing Friday. Oh well, will just do my best and try and work some walking in to the mix to help conteract any excesses.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. Am off to the gym shortly to do some cycling.