Thursday, August 24, 2006

Attempt number (god only knows)

Here I go again. I am starting again again again.

I am going to weight watchers for weigh in tonight even though I know it will be ugly (even more ugly than last time).

I am going to have to deny myself all the extra special treats I have been having (as much as I can anyway). And it really will be deny.

I think my problem is that my brain (or is it my stomach) doesnt ever register as being full. I just keep eating.

I watch my children and husband all say they have had enough, and am continually amazed that they can say this. I dont think that I have ever not finished a meal completely and I eat extremely fast (actually a family joke about the speed of my eating). I try to slow down and leave some but cant do it (yet). Same with drinking alcohol, I guzzle. Thank goodness for rounds otherwise Id be under the table quicker than you could say, yes I'll have another one.

Anyway it is heading toward lunch time and I havent caved in and ambushed the bikkie barrel at work (either of them - sweet or savoury) so hopefully this augurs well for the rest of the week.

I have a 21st at the races this weekend to contend with and not wanting to sound defeatist dont hold out great hopes of me not eating or drinking too much. The saving grace is I have a toothache and it might slow me down a bit (that's sad isnt it?).

Aside: the lyrebird has come down to my office window and is loving his reflection and making noises like a bicycle bell (at least that is what I think it sounds like) and calling to his mate. Magic.

Stay within points each day (back to 18 a day to get me back in line)
Exercise each day somehow (neurosurgeon tomorrow)
Cut down on carbs (my favourites)
Get new trainers organised (keep walking into shops, looking and leaving - it is all too hard)

Have a great weekend.....

Friday, August 18, 2006

The delight of Spring

From Wind in the Willows:
"Spring was moving in the air above and in the earth below and around him, penetrating even his dark and lowly little house with its spirit of divine discontent and longing."

I know how Moley felt - I can feel the stirring and the general feeling of well-being that these gorgeous days with their brillant warmth, incredible sunrises and sunsets bring. The warmth makes the aches and pains less and fills me with "joi de vie".

Had the MRI today at the San. It was fine. I was a little sleepy from sedation and my sister came down to drive me again but I treated her to a fine lunch at the local pub with a glass of wine which all in all was a pleasant way to spend Friday. Had xrays of hands done at the same time and it is off the hand surgeon on Tuesday week to talk about fusing some joints.

It is surprising the number of people who have told me that they too have had bulging discs and that it righted itself after months or even years. How on earth do you put up with this pain for so long? I cant walk, I cant stand, I have trouble sleeping because of the pain when I am lying down. I have stood it for 4 months but if I can possibly have an operation and get some relief I will chance it.

Anyway back to wind in the willows:
"up we go, up we go till at last, pop! his snout came out into the sunlight and he found himself rolling the warm grass of a great meadow. This is fine he said to himself. This is better than whitewashing!" The sunshine struck hot on his fur, soft breezes caressed his heated brow, and after the seclusion of the cellarage he had lived in so long the carol of happy birds fell on his dulled hearing almost like a shout. Jumping off all his four legs at once, in the joy of living and the delight of spring without its cleaning, he pursued his way across the meadow till he reached the hedge on the further side."

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

So sorry...I've been slack

I've been slack lately. Giving in to the blackness - well not really but it sounds dramatic.

Back to weight watchers last week. Knew the result was not going to be good but I was over by 1.8 kgs (not a lot but extremely hard to move). Paid my money and have tried to hop back on the wagon. Know what to do but am finding it hard this time round but have been tracking even if some of the daily results have been horrific.

Thanks for the emails of support especially M. I dont know what I would do without them.

Cirque dul soleil with DS was wonderful. Not only was he a wonderful person to go with and enjoyed it as much as me but he took all the stress I was feeling about going out of the day and made it even more enjoyable. Nothing was too much trouble. When he came for dinner last night for his weekly roast he actually mentioned that we get on so much better now we dont live together and he is right. I get lots of help when he is around as well as all encompassing hugs (I think I come up to his armpits).

We are in the middle of a storm at the moment and Lucy is sitting on my lap shivering so typing is a bit difficult.

Went back to rheumatologist today and he supplied me with a new form to get the MRI done before I go to next neurosurgeon. Sister is once again coming down to drive me because I may have to be sedated because I dont like enclosed spaces. Also getting my hands xrayed as I have an appointment with the hand surgeon. Need to have the thumb and index finger joints on my right hand fused (arthritis strikes again)apparently. So many doctors so much money - oh well. DH keeps muttering about trading me in on a new model (something about when cars start costing you a lot of money it is time to trade them in).

DS loves the police academy. She missed her boyfriend but comes home every weekend but loves Goulburn and what she is doing.

I hope everyone had a great time at the dinner on Saturday night and you all ran/walked well in the C2S. I was thinking of you all and looked for you on the TV. I know you were the ones in the red caps.

I have been trying to do sudokus at the moment. Am trying to keep my brain active and I do love numbers but I fear that these may be beyond me. I get so far and then realise that Ive made a mistake and give up. I will have to buy a book with easy ones in it until I work out how to do them. I thought I had it today but was wrong again.

Anyway I hope everyone is having a great week and I am going to catch up with your blogs this week if it kills me.
Take care........

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Pain Management Blog

Well lots of things have happened.

As per previous post, decided I didnt really like the spinal surgeon I went to see a couple of weeks ago but thought I would have the MRI done so I was prepared for whatever next happens. Of course, I lost the form. Have rung and asked for another one but I am not holding my breath as the receptionist did sound too hopeful. Probably justifies my thoughts on the doctor.

I have broken out into a rash - dont know what it is caused by but my GP is overseas so I went to see the locum and got some cortesone cream which seems to be working. Skin is really dry and itchy and I have a feeling it is something to do with menopause. The locum was also an acupuncturist and talked me into having acupuncture on my back. DH was not enthusiastic and in the meantime, between appointments, I had a meeting with a personal trainer at the gym to work out a program that I could manage without having to put my membership on hold. She was great and had had two back ops herself (dont know why and didnt like to ask) so was able to help me with a very small exercise program but she also gave me the name of three doctors.

I rang the first one, first thing Monday morning, and the receptionist told me that he had closed his books but they were having a meeting that morning about reopening them and to ring back at lunchtime. Now I feel this is good karma because when I rang back she gave me an appointment for 25 August.

Anyway the upshot is I cancelled the acupuncture, made an appointment with my GP next week so I can get a referral to the specialist.

This is fast turning from a weight loss blog into a pain management blog but hopefully not for long.

I have been a bit up and down with my food lately and today has been particularly woeful. Anything that faintly resembled food has been eaten without a backward glance. I know I shouldnt and I am telling myself I shouldnt as I shovel it in but cant seem to stop myself.

Am bored at work - maybe because it looks such a lovely day outside and I wish I was out there. As nobody is here today but me I went and sat outside in the sun for a while - could have laid down and nodded off.

Friends are coming for dinner tomorrow night and then the rugby on Saturday night. DS turns 24 on Sunday. DD is home for the weekend (sort of).

Nearly time to go home - time to close everything down. Hope you all have a great weekend. Sunshine here I come.......