Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Moving on

Life is slowly returning to normal.

Went back to work yesterday and was totally exhausted by the time I got home. Jess took me as I still cant drive and she brought me home, went to the pet shop for me, bought me Milo (secret weapon in fight against no sleep) and finally took me to the doctors. Luckily Mark out at a work dinner which I had opted out of so it was a quick dinner of leftovers and then to bed. Took half a sleeping tablet and for a change had a okay nights sleep. Dont remember him coming home although apparently I had a conversation with him.

I am working two days a week for the next three weeks and then I think I will have to go back to Queensland to sort out Mum's house. Trying to co-ordinate 4 other busy women so that we can all do it together is giving me a headache. This afternoon Mark, being her executor, has gone to the solicitors, who luckily are on the central coast. I think this is going to be a lengthy procedure. I am off to memorial park next Wednesday to pick out her final resting place for when we bring her back to NSW. Put her death notice into the Sydney papers. My little brain is starting to explode. It hasnt had to think this much in 4 weeks.

My job is to keep the peace between sisters and a slightly aggressive niece who told me last night (hopefully jokingly) that I was no longer her favourite aunt because I was too nice! Niggling is starting already. God give me strength.

Sunday, May 24, 2009


Mum died yesterday. She slipped quietly away, never regaining consciousness. Just the way she wanted to go. No pain.

She was a difficult mother. A troublemaker, always stirring things up, she could be vicious and mean but she was still my mother. Perhaps not the mother I would have wished for but perhaps I was not the daughter she wished for. None of us were. It was not in my nature to let her ride roughshod over me or mine but in her own way I think she loved me.

She grew up in the difficult times of the depression. Dirt poor, with a father who took to the road and didnt provide for the family and I am sure this moulded her into what she became. Who knows.

My children's last grandparent has gone. An era has ended. I am grateful that Jess took me to Queensland the week before last to say goodbye. I know now that if I had not gone I would have regretted it for ever.

My eldest sister said that her face was so peaceful the last few days. I hope she is happy wherever she is. That she has found peace and contentment finally.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Nightmare or Bad Dream

My sleep was woken this morning by Jess's usual good morning phone call but she woke me from a bad dream. A perceived threat. It had something to do with blogging, friends and work. It left me with a strange and uncomfortable feeling - very unsettled.

I know I had been thinking about my blogroll and the number of people who dont blog anymore. I will really have to do some housekeeping soon.

Which leads me to another interesting fact. I signed up for facebook recently so that I could submit an article about, you guessed it, Lucy the Wonderdog. All very strange and scary but an interesting thing happened - a lot of people I know personally or used to know through blogs are doing or have done facebook. Their pages came up when I initially signed in. Not sure that I am going to follow this up as I feel I spend far too much time wasting on the computer as it is but I found it interesting.

The weather here is perfect for staying in bed lately. Torrential rain and a bit blowy (sorry for people who are out and about in it).

Today I am going to do the washing (see how exciting my life has become LOL). Of course I cant hang it out: a) it's raining and b) I cant get it down to the clothes line but I will have it washed and ready for DH to deal with when he comes home.

Oh well its midday and I must have a shower and then settle in to watch Ellen and Oprah and may even get my embroidery out today.

Life doesnt get anymore exciting than this - no I really mean it, it doesnt!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

What's Happening

I am slowly trying to teach myself to walk again. Still use both crutches sometimes, still have the aircast on but sometimes I only use one crutch like a cane or in moments of sheer daredevilishness no crutches.

Still not sleeping well but at least do not wander the house as much at night.

Have decided that I am going back to work next week for two days. At least that is the plan and I will see how I go the first day. Have to work out how I am going to get there as I still cant drive.

Mum is being moved into palliative care wing in hospital. She has been in a room in the normal part of the hospital under palliative care but as this room in an acute response room it is needed for others. She spends a lot of her time sleeping now but she is hanging in there. As her doctor says "a tough old bird".

My sisters went to see the funeral directors yesterday before my middle sister (MS) flew home. We are going to bring her ashes back to NSW as requested. MS dropped in on way home from the airport and stayed for dinner so that they missed the peakhour traffic. Lovely night.

But still I'm not sleeping and it is driving me batty. Actually I probably am sleeping but just dozing and waking a lot.

New armchairs that I have ordered from Freedom are being delivered on Saturday week. They have been trying to deliver them for a while but with me being in hospital and then having to fly to Brisbane it has been impossible. Council clean up is the same weekend so it should work out okay.

Builder dropped in on Sunday to apologize for not starting the bathroom on time but really it is easier for me that it hasnt started. New date in a months time and by them I should be up and going again.

Am finally having a shower when I want to and not when there is someone around in case I have an accident. Mind you have to check in with daughter when I am going to have said shower and when I have finished. A brief look to life in the future.

Life is not terribly interesting when confined to home but I enjoy reading blogs. Off to attempt to make myself a cup of coffee. Have a good day.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Autumn weather and other things

Driving to Chatswood today through perfect Autumn weather - gorgeous soft mellow sunshine and the beautiful autumn leaves swirling around the car - made me realise how long it has been since I have actually been out of the house. My life for the last 10 days has been housebound. Tomorrow I will go out onto the deck and try and soak up some autumn weather - cant believe I am missing my favourite season.

Went to the surgeon today and he took the plaster cast off and the stitches out. The stitches hurt so much. I sat there with my jumper over my head, whimpering and my gorgeous boy hugging me. My foot is now in an "air cast" (ski boot type of thing) for the next 4 weeks. I thought I might be able to take it off at night but he said no. Only time I can take it off is for a shower and even then I have to sit. Bugger, I hate having things on my feet at night. I like cold feet not warm feet. Oh well four weeks of very little sleep I guess. It is now up to me when I ditch the crutches but probably not for another two weeks. Sigh.

Problems with Mum. She has apparently recently given all her jewellery to a cousin for "safe keeping" but when contacted said cousin said no Mum gave her the jewellery. Some people are so sad. Preying on old people should be outlawed.

Will give my eldest sister a ring tonight to find out what is happening. May fly to Brisbane later in the week but it all seems so morbid.

Hope your Wednesday was uneventful.

Monday, May 11, 2009

A new week

I've moved my laptop back into my study. No more bed blogging.

I'm daydreaming out the window - dark skies, sun's out but I know it is cold out there, green trees and bushes, noisy miners bickering on the deck, Lucy asleep on my bed because I have left the electric blanket on in case I have to go back to bed suddenly.

I had to laugh yesterday, Mark was absolutely exhausted after cooking dinner and lunch and doing all the ironing and putting all the washing away and cleaning up the kitchen. It was all I could do to not say "welcome to my world" but I didn't because I really appreciate what he is trying to do.

Jess is not working today and I am so looking forward to her visit. She always explodes onto the scene. Her entrances are always dramatic and make me laugh. She is like some little wild kitten, completely untamed. She will probably arrive bearing coffee (or she had just introduced me to vanilla chai skim latte which tastes too sweet to be good for my weight) and anything else that she thinks I might need. Actually while I love the coffee her presence is enough. I am so blessed to have her.

The nights are hardest although yesterday there were a few bumps during the day. You may have heard of the term "busy legs" (my doctor's term). I think only women in menopause have it. My definition is that when I am lying down, or even sometimes when I am sitting, I cannot keep my legs still. They have to be on the move all the time. Doesn't that conjure up a mad picture! Usually a dose of magnesium clears this up but it doesn't seem to be working at the moment and so I spend all night trying not to wake Mark and trying to get comfortable. Not conducive to a good nights sleep for anyone. If anyone has any other remedies I would appreciate it. This all might end on Wednesday when the plaster and stitches are removed. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Two more attempted sleeps!

Got my Rudd money the other day. Whoo hoo. Am going to buy a sewing machine. Nothing flash just for repairs and patchwork. I have a friend who is willing to teach me patchwork so this will be one of my aims this year. Something to keep my hands occupied. Oh, and knitting but I am kind of scared of knitting (ridiculous isn't it?).

Hope today travels well for you all. I'm off to iTunes to look up a calming mantra I read about on another blog. Music sometimes helps me as does yoga and breathing but as I said at the moment nothing is working.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Whingey semi-bad patient

Believe it or not I am over being unable to walk and I have run out of pain killers and think that I am now suffering withdrawal symptons. Damn damn damn

Sick of being in bed, sick of sitting, sick of the effort of having a shower exhausting me.

Now I am going to be really unPC. I am tired of people visiting me. I cant do this. I am tired and while I love them all I have had to get out of my comfort zone twice in the past two days to have meals with friends.


Happy Mothers Day to you all. Or Godmothers day or what a great aunt day. You all deserve to be fussed over as you are raising or helping to raise a generation of incredible children and grandchildren.

Gareth has arrived with another pandora charm and I know Jess will bring the same when she finishes work. My bracelets are filling up, each a wonderful memory of who and when it was given to me. Not the super expensive charms just charms that mean something to my beautiful children.

Friday, May 08, 2009

I'm back

Well here I am. Bed bound but still here. The operation went well apparently. I can weight-bear on ankle with crutches. Painful but not too bad. Spent the first three days with a morphine drip and now am on endone and digesics which I am trying to decrease. Spend a lot of time being nauseous which means I am not eating much. Have discovered Mark is not a great carer. He rings me and asks me what's for dinner? Hello, I am in bed, nauseous, havent a clue what is left in freezer and couldnt care if I ate again at the moment. The questions I am being asked a sigh-worthy like, where are the vases? the milk carton is leaking what should I tip the milk into? Good god he is a grown man who I may have spoiled a little. He has no concept of what I am going through I dont think. Oh enough whinging.

Thank goodness Jess called in yesterday on her way home from work. She bought me coffee, I could have my shower and she stayed for dinner and put her father back into a good mood. She really is a ray of sunshine most of the time.

Back to see surgeon next Wednesday. Which seems really quick to me.

My mum has a form of leukemia prevalent in the elderly which is getting worse. She has returned to hospital yesterday and it looks like she will not be coming back home again. But she is a tough old bird so who knows.

Tiredness setting in. I have nearly read all the blogs but may not have commented. Zanna I am sure we have been sisters somewhere along the road and I will answer your tag as soon as I am able to.

Have a good day.