Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Busy bee

Have been confined to my study today finalising our tax. Boring. I dont think I am too late. Only time will tell. Will drop it off to accountant tomorrow on my next expedition into the local shopping centre. Already have a long list of things to do within my 3 hours parking limit.

Over the last week have put on 700g. Damn Damn Damn. Will I never learn - I can be such a moron sometimes.

I am taking Lucy the Wonderdog for a walk nearly every day although she now walks faster than me, the little show off. And I have to remember to take painkillers before I go and hope they work. Must remember to take mobile phone with me in future in case I need rescuing. Lucy the Wonderdog not up to going for help like RinTinTin or Lassie used to.

Am also trying to swim everyday - gradually increasing laps everytime in readiness for Sunday swimming when private big pool reopens when school starts. Doing aqua exercises too (supplied by Anne) but havent actually got around to using flotation belt yet. Another box to open.

Also havent had time to open WiiFit yet.

Visited Officeworks yesterday - bliss - a stationery store. Bought a new chair for study and guess what, they come in flat packs. It took me forever to put the bloody thing together but I was determined to do it ON MY OWN. This is not rocket science (much muttering and occasional swearing) but it took me forever and I really needed another set of hands a one stage but I managed on the lounge with cushions stacked under it. Put arms on the wrong way first but ended up with it all together and no pieces left over.

I also bought pretty lime green star paper clips, bright orange pack of pocket files, a new file holder, a fake plant (I know, I know - but I cant kill this one and it looked so stylish in the shop), a pack of reduced Christmas cards, print cartridges and a red stamp pad for next Christmas. All in all a satisfying trip. Also on the agenda soon is my yearly trip to IKEA.

Have gone through the Target sale catalogue and highlighted all the DVDs I want to buy that have been reduced. Plus new quilt cover for spare room.

Beloved daughter away with friends until after new year but we had the future son-in-law for dinner last night. He drove up the coast today to surprise her. She wasnt expecting him until late on new years eve. They are going to a fancy dress on new years eve - she is a giant strawberry and he is spartacus (its an S party).

I am catching up with all the unread posts on googlereader. Only 60 odd left. Sigh.

Anyway my lovelies I had better get this study sorted out a bit and I have promised to do some ironing today. The husband had to actually iron his own shirt this morning and while he did a good job it took him forever. The alarm kept going off on the iron and I thought something was wrong but I think it was just taking him an age to arrange the shirt properly on the ironing board so that he could iron it and the iron kept thinking that it had been forgotten. LOL.

Im waffling again - catch up with you all soon and have a wonderful New Years Eve.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Survived (but dont look at the scales)!

Well I have survived Christmas, just!

I still havent got the house quite back to normal. We have stacks of food left over. Next year I will keep a tighter rein on the ordering - this year not well enough to worry but it is worrying me now.

Still a lot of socializing to go. Dinner tonight and tomorrow night. Diet is the "see food diet" again but I think the pudding has gone, there is no more pavlova, quite a lot of mini brandy puds left but the children will make short work of them.

I had better get to work remaking the beds, putting away all the platters and things I dragged out to use.

The success of Christmas was Lucy the Wonderdog. Small child arrived last night with his parents for dinner and he was absolutely terrified of dogs. But beautiful calm Lucy and her beautiful human sister Jess won this small child over. The boy's grandmother couldnt believe her eyes and it made me so proud of my beautiful girls.

Looking out my study window at the late afternoon sunshine and watching the breeze play in the leaves of the trees I am feeling extremely lucky. Pain or no pain life is good and I am grateful. Grateful for my family and friends.

Peace to you all and so looking forward to 2009. A big year ahead. Hope it doesnt fly like this one. I want to savour it.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I hope that Santa brings you all.......

whatever you want!

Good news:

I know which joint in my ankle needs the operation now after the last injections. Back to the surgeon towards the end of January. Hopefully a successful operation will be on the cards in March. Just got to put up with the pain until then.

Looks like we are ready to start talking and planning the renovations. Will let you know how I go about winning the series of arguments that I am sure are going to arise. Love him dearly but he has no idea (probably thinks the same about me). I am going for the wars - will let the minor battles slide. I have a very long list of things that need changing, updating, fixing, etc etc.

I am now on 5 and a half weeks holiday.

I have bought myself a WiiFit for Christmas just in case everyone else forgets me. Dont laugh it has happened before. Not from the beloved Jess - she is like me in this regard and really makes an effort. Anyway, Margaret there may be a few emails coming your way.

Anyway, I must go out and deadhead those beautiful gardenias so that they look their best for Christmas day. Breakfast at Jess's, quiet lunch here and then our seafood spectacular for dinner with lots of rellies and of course my beautiful family.

Girls, I wish you all, happiness and health for Christmas and the New Year. You are a large part of my life now so take care of yourselves.

Lots of love

Sunday, December 07, 2008

My Lips Are Sealed (I wish)

Who were the two slightly mad people outside in the rain in their jammies at 4:30 am today spotlighting possums?

My Lips are sealed.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008


Today has been a struggle. Tired and hot.
Came home from work and lay down and went to sleep.
Woke up feeling no better and ate 10-15 jatz and a slice of cake.

What in the hell am I doing? Talked to myself sternly and got off my backside and went and got the washing in. Feel better. Dont know whether it was the stern talking too or the food. Made a cup of coffee.

On another subject altogether - we have a baby brush turkey wandering around at work. Lots of goannas and water dragons too. They love the warm weather.

One of the guys I work with saw two things today on his way to work - one made him laugh and the other made him sad.

The first one is driving along Bobbin Head Road at North Turramurra saw an adult brush turkey cross the road. Even though it is near the national park is was still a funny sight in surburbia. Five years ago they were fairly rare but the fox baiting program must be working.

The second one was terribly sad. Furthr along there was a women standing with a leash in her hand and at the other end her obviously dead old golden retriever. She looked like she was in shock and was surrounded by people comforting her and trying to help. His heart must have just given up.

Made me like him even more for the softness of his heart. He is a nice man.

Going out to dinner tonight for girlfriends birthday. There will be cake, food and drinks. Have to think of some kind of strategy to get through tonight without drawing attention to the fact that I cant eat too much after todays binge. Might just tell them I am feeling a bit unwell. Am feeling this way so often these days that no one ever questions it.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I can smell gardenias

Its that time of year again, I can smell gardenias. Ive picked some of the first ones and they are in my bedroom and everytime I walk in the perfume hits me. The garden smells wonderful too. Makes me feel good.

The jacarandas are out too (nearly finished) and they look wonderful against the stormy grey skies. Such a beautiful colour.

Everything good.
BP down for the first time in ages so meds are working.
Still having to have methotrexate injection (am tempted to say metho injection but people might get the wrong idea)
Dr has sent letter to gym so I am back in there tomorrow.

Off to walk Lucy and tire her out before the next storm hits so she doesnt keep us awake tonight guarding us against those bloody possums. I wonder if daughter would lend me her tasar or her gun. (Just joking - She doesnt have a tasar yet.)

Three weeks before school holidays start - 5 glorious weeks off - yippee!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Gran Torino

Gran Torino

Click on above for trailer I think. This has taken me forever.

Have seen the trailer for this movie and if looks good especially if you are a Clint Eastwood fan. It reminds me so much of the Dirty Harry films - just a lot older. I think the guys would love it. It is being released in USA in December so hopefully it wont be too much later that it comes to Australia.

Post edit: Thought for a while this morning they were not going to let me do pilates but in the end they did.

Friday, November 21, 2008


Guess what, because of my new blood pressure problem the gym wont let me work out until I give them a letter from my GP. I know they are just covering their backsides but hells bells, if I hadnt mentioned it in passing to someone then they would never have known and I could have done my session today. I'm a bit pissed off!

Ive been stewing about it since I got back home and I had no one to tell. The husband is off being a lightening rod somewhere (I mean playing golf), the daughter is on duty and not answering her phone (how inconsiderate) and sisters seem to be incommunicado. So....... I thought about you all. I am sure that this will make me feel better.

Oh and the house looks like a bombs gone off in it - so much for a day at a time. Lucy the wonderdog is worrying the hell out of me with her new squeaky toy. Wants to play but wont give it over.

Regarding messy house - a while ago there was that email going around something along the lines of - went to wash my car, found my keys in the study, noticed that bills had to be paid, turned computer on


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Doom and Gloom - You have been warned

Home is slowly getting sorted out. Ive started cleaning a room a day when I get home from work so that I am not spending one day of the weekend cleaning the house. Seems to be working out okay but for how long?

Weight still terrible but I am starting something new probably on Thursday. Talk about putting off the inevitable. If successful will share - if not you will never hear me mention this latest attempt again.

Blood pressure is now officially through the roof and am on tablets. When I went to doctors last week for methotrexate injection (a 15 minute visit) was there for 50 minutes as they took my blood pressure 7 times in various positions. Ending up ringing the husband and telling him I was being held hostage at the doctors just in case he was worried about me - should have known better.

Made appointments yesterday for radiologist to do anesthetics under xray and fluoroscope. Am taking the first two Fridays in December off to do these injections and maybe some Christmas shopping.

Am tired, irritable and not terribly good company at the moment.

Molly, am making another attempt at Enbrel next week when I see the rheumotologist and am definitely stopping methotrexate as I dont think it is doing me any good and when the person doing the injection wears gloves because the stuff is pure poison then I think enoughs enough

Have a great weekend and remember I would be lost without you.
In the words of Jeff Fenech - "I luvs you all"

Tuesday, November 04, 2008


I am sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick of it!
(Imagine foot stamping and clenched fists and a little red face)

What I am about to tell you is true -

At forty I was overweight but I lost it all in 6 weeks without too much angst.

BUT I noticed the subtle changes in my body. Boobs sagged. Not major not big.

At fifty I lost my waist. I have always had big hips (good childbearing hips - yeah right - how wrong could they have been) but I had a very very small waist. Gone disappeared.
Weight battle still going on but not too onerous although getting harder.

Let me tell you, at fifty five this is not fun. Not only has waist disappeared but have developed almost overnight a large roll around my middle.

This is really giving me the shits.

And by the way Zanna, gave up on scattergories. Do you know how hard it is to find words starting with "j". Ended up was cheating and putting in words like jirrafe and jidnapped etc. I am sure that smarter people than me could have done it but not this jittle jlack juck.

Hope everyone else is having a good week. For me, its the pits.

Im off to work out what in the hell I am going to wear to this wedding on Saturday and take the recalcitrant dog for a walk. I am going to tire her out somehow. She keeps us awake all night chasing brushtails in hobnail boots who have started tap dancing on our roof in the wee small hours of the night. And she is not too fond of the milkman either.

Disclaimer: I am crochety, fat and old and entitled to a whingey post every now and again.

Postscript: This has made me feel better but I bet you could have told me that.

Monday, October 27, 2008

You Can Tell.....

You can tell that I am back at work again due to the lack of posts and comments.

This last term of the year is always busy as some person (read moron) decided that the financial year for schools should end on 30 November. Now it is hectic for me and I dont have students preparing for exams, end of year festivities etc etc. I just have teachers who have forgotten that they were supposed to do fieldwork activities ringing up begging a day but what can I do - we are just about booked out or should I say booked. Every year it is the same thing, book early I tell them but no. Oh well maybe one day the planets will align and everything will slot into place.

Weight is stable at too much. Wedding is two weeks away so it doesnt look like I will reach my goal started all those months ago.

Weather is back to broiling again. But I dont mind after all it is spring/summer.

So I will apologise for my slackness yet again.

Folk art and yoga and pilates and Princess Lucy take up so much time not to mention work.

Off I go once again as the tribe is descending on the house tonight for their weekly baked dinner. They never miss it if they are in town and our week wouldnt be the same without them especially now that they have all flown the coop.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


Was I waffling on the other day about it being Spring.

Then it serves me right!

It's bloody freezing today.

It's snowing up in the Blue Mountains.

It is pouring rain and blowing a gale.

The people across the road have lit their fire again.

I have to go out in it again to yoga!

I will sleep well tonight.

They have promised back to hot by the weekend although I could do with a wet Sunday. Still havent done my tax stuff for the accountant.

Should get a phone call any day now.

Waffling again - I'm off.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Black and Blue

I have noticed this week that I have a few large bruises on the left side of my body - legs and arms.

This morning when I was straightening my hair I saw more enormous bruises on my arm and innocently asked The Husband if he had taken to beating me when I was asleep.

The look I got was priceless - didnt I remember falling over in the hallway last Sunday night (see previous post for that day), then getting angry with him for no reason and he just threw his hands up in the air and let me go my merry (or not merry) way.

Oh I was bad - I dont remember at all.

Mind you I only have his word for this event happening and even though he is so trustworthy I think my explanation sounds better and doesnt reflect badly on me so that is the one I am going with.

Have been dress shopping this morning for a wedding that is coming up - bought him 4 new business shirts and an attachment for the vacuum but no dress.

I hate dress shopping!

Friday, October 17, 2008


I had some free time at work today so I typed out my post and emailed it home.


At work I use Macs and I have been upgraded to Leopard 2008 (sounds cute doesnt it) but when I tried to open the doc here at home it comes through as hieroglyphics.


Have to wait until Monday when I can convert it back to a usable old word document.


Is it just me or are the computers of the world ganging up on us.

PS: Felt the "Christmas Shiver" today. It is pure pleasure and I dont know what brings it on - probably the weather or the colour of the sky or the green green trees, but I have felt this feeling since I was little. I feel like purring.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Trust Me

Trust me, it may have been alright on Saturday night but drinking a bottle of wine (probably more) on Sunday night was definitely not a good idea.

Walked (or should I say danced) home with The Husband holding on to me to make sure I didnt kill myself or run out into the traffic, in my socks, because I couldnt get my boots back on.

You would hope that I would be passed this phase by now but NOOOOOOO!

Very very very very unwell and turned into the bitch from hell (why dont I realise that alcohol makes me agressive).

I slept in the spare room as I was very very very cross.

All in all a hell of a night. Very little to eat today. Went back to bed after The Husband left for work and was late for said work. But I really think they were lucky I was there at all considering all I wanted to do was lie down and die.

I only went because there was supposed to be a group attending a 4 night course arriving and if I didnt turn up they would be milling around outside waiting for my workmates who get to sleep in. Nobody turned up. Convenor had thought he had told me that the course had been cancelled (maybe he told the other Julie from the other planet - the nice one).

And I looked like hell - still do. BUT I did go the gym after work and I have finally had something to eat.

I think I am still married although this morning I didnt get a goodbye kiss *sigh*.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Day in the life

Yesterday started out all bright and shiny and full of hope.

Weighed myself "gasp", wrote it down and commenced Plan Z.

Turned up at gym late because The Husband had once again left his computer powerpack eons away at work and heaven forbid that his computer battery would die and he wouldnt be able to do his usual overload of work. I had to try and find a powerpack to buy or borrow which would fit his computer "thanks IBM for changing your powerpack jacks from normal to obscure - morons".

Missed breakfast with girls as they were all hurrying off to do important things like go to weddings and have meetings with accountants (which reminds me I must do somethiing about our tax).

Gym girl wouldnt give me my pilates pass because I was 5 minutes too early (good grief) so sat and had a calming cup of green tea and waited.

Got pass. Went into pilates class - Deb didnt turn up - sick apparently. This lovely old lady who talked like her teeth were missing did however but couldnt teach pilates so we were going to do yoga. Now I love yoga, I do it everyday and go to classes on Wednesdays but, dammit, I wanted to do pilates but my father brought me up the right way so I just smiled and got on with it and hated every single second of it. What a waste of an hour when I could have been secret shopping instead.

Went to the postoffice 30 minutes before it closed and the queue went out the door. I went to stand in the line and somehow managed to queue jump in front of a policeman. This little plaintiff voice said behind me "but I was in the queue". Stupid cute policeman, as I walked up he stepped back and I thought he was just getting out of my way. We swopped spots and 1o minutes later he gave up and told me I could have his spot afterall. When I eventually left there he was at the back of the queue again. Maybe I scared him or reminded him of his mother.

After shopping came home, had lunch, a nice healthy prawn salad and then laid down for a rest. I have to stop doing this as I am back at work on Monday and I dont think the boss will be impressed finding me having a nanna nap after lunch.

House didnt get cleaned but as I have said before I dont think anybody has ever died of dust and it looks tidy although my sister visited the other day and said that it didnt look like my decluttering was working. Sometimes sisters can be too honest. (Warning: dont try being honest with them)

The phone rang next to napping husband (hard day at the golf course) and we missed the call. So did last caller thing and it was a friend of his so I called the number and put the phone against his ear - a sure way to wake him up. Did we want to go to their place for dinner? There goes my well laid plans *sigh*.

Dinner was lovely, I only had olives pre dinner and white wine of course even though the large cheese platter was calling to me (funny how cheese knows my name). More wine with dinner and water and more wine and of course dessert and coffee. The wife who luckily happens to be a good friend of mine too drank copious quantities of red wine and I had a lovely time ragging her about her spoonerisms. It is usually me that starts speaking a strange archaic dialect. All in all I drank a bottle of white wine all by myself (do I sound proud - children dont try this at home) which I probably shouldnt have but it was fun and I didnt feel at all sick when i went to bed (translation - bed did not start spinning madly out of control).

The Daughter left today on road trip with boyfriend for two weeks to South Australia with instructions to play nice and bring him back. I think he is being really brave - she is a feisty firey redhead who likes her own way - you'd all love her after you got over the initial thing of wanting to strangle her.

Am now off into the garden and am going to ignore the calls of the bathroom to clean it. It is too nice a day to be inside anymore. See ya!

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Shoes Glorious Shoes

I went shoe shopping today. I needed a pair of navy blue flat shoes for work. I might as well have been asking for the moon.

My trusty comfy navy blue flat shoes I wear to work have developed a squeak. I dont think it is me. Im pretty sure it is the shoes.

The only navy blue flat shoes I could find would have looked great if I was 120 years old but not on a bit overweight hip 55 year old. Hip not hippy though the second also applies at the moment.

I got to look at all the gorgeous shoes that you wear in your 20s and 30s and sighed and moved on. Ended up buying a pair of flat tan pointy toed shoes. They are comfortable, look reasonable modern and I figure that they will sort of go with my uniform.

Next time I see a pair of suitable navy blue shoes I am going to buy two pairs!

I will dream tonight of gorgeous high heeled sandals in the latest styles and be content.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Problems problems

So sorry dear friends I have been remiss but I have once again been fighting the demons or kilos. For some reason I have begun stacking on the weight again. I know I am having trouble with exercise but I dont think I have been eating too badly for the last month but instead of losing weight it is still creeping up.

I am at my wits end as nothing fits me anymore and I look lumpy. It would be quite easy to ignore, move up a clothes size or two but I really dont want to. I got through winter unscathed and cant believe that I am putting weight on in spring. Not the way it is supposed to happen.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Today’s the day

I have 10 weeks to get myself back in shape for a wedding. That’s the goal anyway.

I don’t want to diet anymore. I don’t want there to be anything that I cant have. In moderation. I want to reprogram my brain and body to eat slowly and eat in moderation (that word again) rather than vacuuming any and all food up throughout the day.

I am doing this with a friend except I think she is dieting.

I am going to try to exercise each day (baby steps but I will get there). DD is coming to the gym with me today and helping me on the exercise bike – not the one that everyone rides but the one that looks like a real bike – I don’t know what it is called but for some reason it scares me. So she is going to help me get past this fear or laugh herself silly at my attempts. Also aiming for 10,000 steps per day.

Drink more water. Of late have not been drinking water. Have been eating instead so will use this as a deterrent to eating. Will try to drink 2 litres a day but not to have any after maybe 4 as I will be up all night wearing a track between bed and bathroom.

Eat food that I know is good for me. I know what it is – I have been doing this for centuries. Except in my mind I think this food is not fun. Sausage rolls, chiko roll, hot chips, any carbs, wine etc = fun. Have to change this mindset. Don’t know how to do this as yet but am going to try.

Okay weighed in this morning and got a bit of a shock. I knew my work clothes were getting tighter but didn’t quite realise how much I had put on. I actually think I was in denial.

I am going to try to lose 1kg a week. That might put me into the ballpark of the weight I want to be especially for summer. It means I will have to refocus on me for a while.

DS is finally making moves to move out of home. I love him dearly but he is driving me mad. Cant seem to have normal conversations with him – it is all centred on him: his job, his girlfriend, his moods, his friends, the fact that he doesn’t earn enough money etc etc. It just goes on and on. He has kind of overstayed his welcome and I gravitate between really enjoying his company to hiding from him which is hard to do as our house is not that big.

DH has gone away for a weekend with the guys to play golf up the coast. Believe it or not he actually took his computer with him. I hope he relaxes and enjoys himself. He really needs a break.

Have nearly decluttered/cleaned out my study and it is wonderful. Still have a bit to do but ran out of bin room in both the rubbish bin and the recycling bin. Cupboards and drawers seem to be my weakness although once they get full I do branch out. I think the key to decluttering for dyed-in-the-heart hoarders is to do it more than once, maybe every month. It is way too hard to get rid of everything in one go but if you do one big clean out (the first) and then say every month a minor one it might work out easier. Had to laugh though, DD went through my Lifeline box and took heaps of stuff home. Her partner was probably not too impressed.

So a quiet weekend ahead. Just Lucy the Wonderdog and me unless DS hangs around. Hope I don’t have to do too much cooking.

Take care and wish me luck this week.

Sunday, August 24, 2008


Well it is still cold here but I have the spring cleaning bug. Not really spring cleaning because, well, it's still too cold to be out washing windows and blinds etc. but I have started decluttering. This is going to take a while with the culmination here in my study which is progressively getting harder and harder to get into.

This Friday coming is the start of my 10 week plan to get back into some sort of shape for a friends sons wedding. No set plan about how I am going to do this. Maybe drink more water, wear my pedometer and aim for 10,000 steps a day and eat less rubbish. Should do it.

There is so much to do - crosswords to finish, ironing to finish, plants to water, clothes to put away, bathrooms to clean, books to read, knitting to start, folk art project to finish and I am sitting here typing my blog.

I had better get back to decluttering - family room and lounge/dining room almost done. Only came in here to shred some papers. I just cant be trusted.

Have a great week. I am getting back in the swing of reading blogs again so you will hear from me soon.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh)
I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh)
I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh)
And don't it feel good (HEY!) Alright now
And don't it feel good (HEY!) Alright now
All right now yeah! (HEY!)

I am feeling better inside myself. My “positivity” has returned. Who would have thought that a medication that was supposed to be helping my RA would have such a detrimental effect on my mind and thank goodness, in a way, that the doctor increased the dose and I got so sick and had to stop taking it otherwise I might never have known the cause of the problem. I am back to seeing the good side in everything and am so thankful although I know that this attitude irritates some people enormously (my mother in particular).

Have not been watching what I eat and as a result have put on a number of kilos yet again. Well actually I have been watching, I look at it all just before I put it in my mouth. Have cut back on alcohol quite a bit (none during the week unless it is a special occasion) for no other reason than I don’t think it agrees with the medication I am still taking. Not much exercise as cant really walk but still keeping up the yoga and pilates with a bit of stationery bike riding and some upper body weights.

Am attending the son of a friends wedding in November so I have set the start date for getting back on the wagon as Friday, 29th August 2008. That gives me 10 weeks to lose however many kilos I am up to by then.

Thank you Molly for your kind advice. I will ask my doctor about that medication, it sounds so promising but I might not meet the criteria to get it on the PBS and therefore the cost is prohibitive. But it doesn’t hurt to ask.

Congratulations Zanna on joining the gym not that I think you need it. You are looking wonderful and are as usual a great inspiration to us all.

I am behind in my google reader reading (try to say that fast) but I promise I will get there and get up-to-date with everyone’s posts. That was part of my sickness I think – I was reading posts but felt I didn’t have anything to say. Well that has gone now so watch out.

And speaking of looking at my google reader, I cant help but notice the number of people who don’t blog anymore: Margaret, Catherine, Chris, Mary, Phillipa, Michelle, Linda, Jodie Sue etc etc. I do miss reading your news and hope that if you are at least still reading that all is going well in your lives.

Am off this weekend to see Cirque du Soleil’s latest show, Dralion. DS is supposed to be coming with me but he may get a better offer. Somehow I don’t think he will get away with that. His father may kill him or at least give him a severe talking too.

DDs partner has been retrenched and she is so worried about their financial position. He is going for an interview this Friday so everybody keep everything crossed. I have told her that I will help out with expenses if they need it.

DS is finally having his shoulder surgery in September. We are paying for that as well or at least the part not covered by his medical fund.

I love my two immensely, but someone tell me, do they ever truly become independent? Probably my fault but sometimes it becomes exhausting.

My renovations may be moving into the next stage soon rather than the just dreaming and talking about it. DH arranged for the builder to visit this week for preliminary talks. I will believe it when it happens though. It must be getting closer.

It is still cold here (the coldest winter we have had in quite a number of years I think) but the jasmine is out and I can feel spring in the air. I feel a bit like Moley in Wind in the Willows .

Hope my dear ones that you are all okay…….talk soon.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

One hell of a year thus far

Well here I am again. It has been one hell of a year healthwise. I can remember feeling pretty good in January/February and then it all went pearshaped.

Have spent the last two weeks on holidays and sick. It culminated with me getting out of the car last Friday and suddenly finding the world shifting focus and becoming very light headed. Soldiered on as I know we all do but when I got up the next morning I was lucky to make it out of the shower. Rang doctor and got an appointment and since I couldnt really drive thought I would try walking. As I waited to leave I got progressively worse and then a miracle occurred - my beautiful telepathetic daughter rang home from softball, realised how sick I was, drove straight home, made me some toast, took me to doctors, went and got prescription and then took me home and tucked me into bed. Spent another day in bed and today I have been a bit better.

What did the GP put it down to - rheumotologist had increased RA medication yet again and I had a severe reaction. Looked it up when we got home and yep, I had all the symptons - dizziness, nausea, fatigue, gastro and guess what, it also can cause depression. F*** a duck, I'd rather have the RA which really, when I think about it, just keeps chugging along medication or not.

Am supposed to be going to a conference tomorrow but will have to wait and see how I feel in the morning. Of course I stopped taking the salazopyrin and the GP suggested I start again on Monday when I have flushed it out of my system. I dont think so. So here we go again - another battle with the rheumatologist about medication. This would be the third medication I have had a bad reaction to.

I must be starting to feel better because I am starting to get feisty or else it is just old age.

Anyway, since I am also anaemic and my haemoglobin count is down (excuse spelling), my ankle at times resembles an elephants ankle and I have virtually done no exercise for a long long time to speak of I have decided that I am not going to worry about my diet anymore. That doesnt mean that I am going to go completely off the rails but I am not going to become anal about it anymore. Good food in hopefully the right quantities. Drastically reduce alcohol consumption due to the fact that it reacts with medication quite badly.

But I am not going to make any promises either about anything. It is all too hard and I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I am going to try and take care of myself by eating good food and when the pain subsides a bit, exercise gently.

So ends this latest........ I was going to put whinge but I dont think that is the right word.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Tough times

I cant remember how long ago, well over a month, I crashed and burned.
Ended up at doctors in the middle of the morning on a work day crying.
She prescribed tablets and sent me to a physcologist.
Am feeling better now but still not 100%.
Hurt my back at pilates last Saturday (first day holidays) and have spent the weekend not doing much and taking painkillers.

Have read a few posts but not commented. At the moment, I have nothing to say. Am trying to get my life back on track.

The RA is still not responding to treatment and I dont think it ever will.

We are going away to the Hunter Valley this weekend.

I have disabled comments. Dont want you to feel sorry for me just wanted you to know I was still alive.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Didnt see it coming......

Have been travelling okay this week. Still cant walk very well and Lucy (my little keg on legs) is suffering although Mark takes her for runs on the week end if he has time.

Except for yesterday – Really don’t know what happened. Started eating and just couldn’t stop. Ate so much all day that by 5 pm was feeling ill. Even tossed up about not going to yoga and just going to bed but knew it would do me good (and it did). Don’t know where the brain snap came from – was I cold, bored, in pain – I don’t know and it is driving me mad. Probably undid the good I have done all week in that one long binge.

Anyway have hopefully moved on and today will be better although rugby semi-final on Saturday night could be another hiccup.

Have been preparing myself for winter. Bought a new navy wool coat/jacket to wear to work (navy and stone/beige are the colours). Really toasty warm. This week I am looking for gloves to wear to work (I have my fingerless gloves to wear at work so that I can still type).

Also I have bought a new work bag. I found I was carrying lots of bags so I have consolidated. Saw an article in Notebook magazine this month for Spencer and Rutherford bags and check them out on the internet and ordered a business bag. It arrived this week and is absolutely gorgeous. It has been made from the most beautiful materials, very lush looking and makes me smile everytime I look at it because of its sheer gorgeousness. It is called Eleanor (tranquillity). It will fit my laptop too if I feel inclined to lug it around.
http://www.spencerandrutherford.com/store/eleanor-tranquility-p99029.html (here is hopefully a link to it).

Postscript: Well rugby semi-final was okay. Tahs won and so it is onwards and upwards to play the Crusaders this weekend in NZ. Didnt eat or drink too much but spent much of the weekend lying down and when we had to go out on Saturday night I dosed up on painkillers. Spent most of Sunday on the lounge which I think didnt hurt me. I dont think anybody has died of a messy house.

GP has prescribed some tablets to help me get through this rough period which I think are helping although I didnt really want to go down that road. Also have a referral to a psycologist (?) to talk about getting some coping skills but cant seem to link up with her. I am feeling better within myself (my mind is calmer) although still aching which is to be expected. My GP says to feel this way when you have a chronic illness is to be expected but I still dont like the sadness.

Am just going to try and keep my weight level at the moment without worrying too much about diet. Too many things to think of at once and I am really craving cheese. Go figure.

Friday, May 16, 2008

My week

Last week was not a great week. Jess was asked to read a story at the end of the funeral service and I was never so proud of her as I was that day. She spoke clearly and strongly, something I couldnt have done if I had been in her shoes and she has shown an inner strength although she is still grieving. The family released 19 butterflies and 19 balloons after Jess had finished - one for every year of Ash's life. It was very moving.

Food has not been great lately. Actually I have been eating everything and anything. Ankles so swollen that I cant exercise at all - can hardly walk. Self inflicted I am afraid - too much alcohol at girlfriends 60th and thought I was young again and danced all night. I have been such a sad little old lady this week. Thinking about going to have a chinese massage to see if that will help reduce the pain.

Rheumatologist has taken me off methotrexate for the time being and put me on something else. I just learn the name of one drug and he changes it on me. I had too many side effects for no gain was the reason for the change.

Anyway, have drawn a line in the sand (figuratively speaking). Have tried to eat sensibly today and have a big pot of vegetable soup on the stove bubbling away for those moments when I have to eat something. Hopefully I will make wise choices this week.

Apparently going to be very cold on Sunday here - a taste of winter. So am planning a quiet day with sleep-in and book reading as well as the usual ironing and cleaning. Just no outside stuff. Although if the weather forecast is wrong I will try to be out in the garden and a trip to the nursery is on the cards. Can't be bothered with annuals anymore, so will buy some bushy plants (maybe small lavendars) to plant among the roses and fill up the gaps.

Mum is in hospital in Brisbane. She has been there on and off for over a week because she was having trouble breathing. They have found that she has asthma, a lung cancer the size of a 50 cent piece which they have removed and is also suffering from MDS, a blood disorder. My eldest sister says she is in quite good spirits and has been enjoying her stay in hospital for the company and meals.

Friday night here and I am going to have a glass of low alcohol wine - the Lindemans Early Harvest semillion sauvignon blanc, when Mark gets home. Quite nice really. Off to make another recipe from the "Core Plan" cook book and then an early night. I cant seem to get over the tiredness and except for having to go the bathroom many times during the night am sleeping like the proverbial log. I wish the bathroom stuff would stop - the trials of growing old!

Have a great weekend......

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Coping or not coping

I have tried to check emails and blogs but just cant. We are not functioning well at the moment.

My daughters best friend/little sister was killed on Monday night in a motorcycle accident.

Jess met her in primary school when Jess was a buddy to the kindergarten students and they have been friends ever since. Like sisters in a lot of ways.

She is just coping with the grief and I am not doing much better. I remember Jess teaching her to dive in our pool. I remember so many things from the last 14 years.

I am so extremely sorry that a family has lost a daughter, especially at this time of year, just before mothers day.

Life is certainly crappy sometimes.

To a girl who's smile could light up a room - vale Ash.............

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

An Inspiring Lady

Went to gym today to hear Dianna Williams, cofounder of Fernwood gyms, speak about her new book about why Women should do weight training.

It was opportune timing for me

1. On holidays so I actually could attend a mid morning event
2. Have been concentrating on weights since cardio has become a problem for me

She was an inspiring person and her story should be read by everyone who doubts that they cant achieve anything because it is too hard. Her advice - take small steps and nothing is impossible - hard yes but not impossible.

Am slowly starting to feel better - still lots of aches and pains but I think that is to be expected. The strategy I had to sleep in is not working. Unfortunately the rest of the world is not sleeping in. I have rediscovered the joys of reading books and even though I do enjoy listening to audio books in the car and when I am watering the garden (not lately due to copious amounts of rain) reading a book tucked up on the lounge on a rainy windy day would have to be one of life's greatest treats.

I even went out and bought two more yesterday. The new Marion Keyes one and Cathy Kelly's new one. Chick books I know but I love light reading at the moment.

Ordered new frames for glasses yesterday. Jess came with me to ensure I got something trendy and not too god awful. It certainly brings you down to earth when trying glasses on your daughter vetoes your taste. But the ones she said looked good on me luckily were ones I also liked.

Gareth and his new girlfriend came for dinner last night and it is lovely to see him happy and relaxed again.

Having lunch with Jess again tomorrow and then lunch on Thursday with my sister. I think I am working these meals into my "core plan". I have been using the planner on the weightwatchers website and it is really good. I also bought a Core Plan Cookbook from weight watchers meeting and the recipes are really nice and everyone seems to like them to the extent that any leftovers disappear from the fridge as if my magic. This is something unusual because they dont usually like "diet" food.

Anyway I am off to do the ironing and watch last Sunday's "Brothers and Sisters". Being on holidays makes me very disorganised and the ironing is threatening to take over the family room because I keep thinking there is always tomorrow.

I can see blue skies out the study window. Here's hoping that the rain eases enough for me to get some washing dried and finish the hedge clipping that I started last week. Hedges look like deranged poodles at the moment as they are only half done.

Enjoy your week

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Day Two Holiday break

Slept in until phone rang with unwelcome caller. A teacher from a local high school wanting keys to our kayaks. How did he get my home phone number and no I am not going to work or lend him keys. Honestly the hide of some people.

Work has started next door on subdividing their block of land and they are putting in the new pipes. Digging digging digging, ripping our trees apart and damaging the side fences. Feeling uptight and decidely unneighbourably. Jus breather deeply.

Today is cool/cold, windy and rainy. But the light is glorious. A soft calming autumn light not the sullen swollen light of winter. Even though there is no sun it is bright.

I have self medicated this morning. Pain has been fairly bad lately and am having trouble walking. Rummaged in the cupboard and found Gareth's panadeine fortes and took one. I know I shouldnt have used someone else medication and I know I will have to take something later to counteract the codeine but I dont care. I can feel the edge has been taken off the pain already. I need to go to mall today to get more meds so I really needed to be mobile.

Todays other job, when I get back home is to sort out my study yet again and maybe do a little painting. Might even set up a table in the family room so I can paint while catching up on all the shows I have recorded over the past few weeks.

Am slowly catching up with everyone through google reader . Still over 90 posts to go but I am getting there.

I hope everyone is travelling well this week....

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

It's been a long time

I'm home sick today hence I have time to do this. Tucked up in bed, wireless. Bit uncomfortable as puppy wont move.

What has been happening? Have been having weekly injections and taking lots of meds for RA but it seems to be getting worse plus am having to put up with side effects like mouth ulcers and incredible tiredness. Last Sunday week, while hurrying for train, somehow hurt my left foot/ankle so have been unable to do any exercise because of the pain. Dont think I broke anything, maybe just a bad strain. Went to doctors and she has sent me to a podiatrist (?) because "he knows more about feet than me"!!!!!! Anyway I see him this Thursday so we will see.

No exercise and eating like there is no tomorrow. I know I shouldnt, I know it wont make me feel better, actually makes me feel worse, but I cant seem to stop myself. How lame is that?

I want to turn all this around but dont know how to start yet again. Need to shake things up. Feeling bored and despondent.

Anyway enough of depressing stuff. Autumn is here and the nights are cooler and there is that something in the air that lifts my spirit. I dont know what it is but I know I need to get out there more and inhale it. You know, the dampness, the smell of woodsmoke, the autumn leaves, the damp soil, the light - quite my favourite time of year.

I have been making a series of lists to try and help me get back on track but I really have to stop doing this. They just set me up for failure as there is no way I can keep them up. What did John Lennon sing "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans". Note fromthe No. 1 list maker - THEY DON'T WORK!

Anyway I am off to read blogs for a while to catch up on those who have kept blogging. The list gets smaller and smaller.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008


X-ray guided injections of cortisone went okay today. Jess was able to drive and I took a sick day off work. Had lots of injections starting with anesthetics and they hurt like hell but a bit like childbirth, once they were finished the pain diminished quickly. At one stage I was crying my eyes out and heard the "work experience" doctor suggest that perhaps a bigger or longer needle would work better. I actually told him to hush!

Caught up with a few blogs today - am down to 130 to be read. Cant comment because of time constraints but rest assured I am keeping up with you.

Stormy and rainy and hot tonight in Sydney. Off to bed.

Weight has not been good but could be the medication. No who am I kidding its the food and alcohol from the theatre/rugby weekend, the anniversary weekend and should continue with the friends moving back to Queensland weekend this weekend. After that it might settle down a bit. Here is hoping.

Enjoy your week everyone

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

A Time to rest

I have woken up this morning in a fog mentally. I didn’t have a bad night just up a couple of times and in bed a tad too late but if I was a car I’d say the engine was “missing”. It took me a few attempts to leave the house this morning – I kept forgetting things. I hate feeling like this.

Today I go to see the rheumatologist to get the results of the MRI on my left ankle.

Weight is still going down but the loss is slowing down and just noodling along.

Exercise has been negligible since the MRI as ankle has been sore but really that is not a good excuse. I did some weights but because I went to see “As You Like It” on Saturday (it was wonderful) I missed Pilates and because I went to the rugby afterwards and had a late night I missed swimming on Sunday. Excuses, excuses.

This weekend we are off to Kiama for the rugby 7’s. A yearly event that coincides with our anniversary – 34 years! I think the man should get a medal!

Going off at a tangent –

There is a sign at my gym that says something along the lines of losing weight is 80% what we eat and 20% exercise.

Which leads me to Biggest Loser.

The weight loses this week by the red team were abysmal. Is it because they are not eating wisely? You rarely see them eating and preparing their meals. The show focuses on them exercising etc. which if you believe the above statement on accounts for 20% of their weight loss journey. One lost under a kg this week. She is overweight, is in a place that she can focus on herself without worrying about life and she only loses 900g. Please. The others were not much better.

The guy on the blue team with a heart condition who can basically only walk is going great guns and losing weight consistently every week.

A theme is emerging in my mind.

And last but not least, still on BL – I laugh every time one of them goes on “the walk”. The others line the driveway of the house at Terrey Hills and one of them solemnly walks down the driveway and out the gates. Next they are at Bobbin Head walking along the boardwalk. I know it is all illusion and drama but I see these guys coming and going from Bobbin Head in their big black cars so there is not a lot of walking going on. Admittedly it is a far way between these places but I love the illusion that they are walking there. I guess if they were they would be walking for a couple of hours and not look as fresh as they do for filming especially if they really had to carry that rock all the way back again.

Have a good weekend everyone…

PS: Rheumatologist has said that r.a. is destroying my right ankle and I have to start back on the chemo drugs again. Guess I will be testing my theory about eating and little exercise. I am booked in for xray guided injection next week and then weekly injections plus a myriad of other drugs, hopefully the side effects wont be too horrible. I'm a bit weepy and cant believe this is happening. I guess I will never run again - even walking Lucy will be a problem. BUT onwards and upwards (actually that sounds a bit more upbeat than I actually feel at the moment).

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Well I'm back, sort of.........

I looked at Google Reader last night and saw that I have 170 unread posts to read. My God you guys are prolific.

I had a lovely relaxing Christmas and January. I did very little except try to whittle off the holiday weight gain and plan for 2008.

I had a small side trip to the Gold Coast to my girlfriend, husband in tow for 4 days in which we packed a lot of stuff. Many drinks and lots of food, a river cruise, the races, yum cha, bbqs. I dedicated the weight gain to her but in the end it only turned out to be 200g. I walked every morning and even inspired my girlfriend to take it up again. We now communicate regularly via email about our progress.

My plans for 2008 are:
Walk Lucy every day for at least 30 mins (she needs to trim down too). Rainy days I head for the gym and walk on the treadmill and Lucy misses out.
Lose those last 4 or 5 kilos.
Start the major renovations on my house finally
Help my son to move out of the house (yes he is still there – so much for needing two weeks accommodation 3 months ago)
Tone up my muscles

I have found a personal trainer I really like. The first one I tried nearly killed me. I could have told her I was a paraplegic and it would have made not one iota of difference. Sandra is perfect for me – listened to what I had to say, set up a weights program for me to be reviewed in 4 weeks time and made the whole session fun with lots of laughter.

I have a MRI scheduled for next week. My left ankle has swollen up incredibly over the last couple of months and the cortisone injections I had before Christmas only worked for a couple of weeks. The rheumotologist thinks it is arthritis but the MRI is just to check that something else hasn’t occurred. Hopefully another operation is not on the cards but if it is, it is.

Life is very hectic especially since I am trying to fit in exercise time. It would be a lot easier if I didn’t walk or swim or go to the gym and gave up pilates and yoga but after many many years of putting everyone else and their interests first I regard this stage of my life as mine. It may be selfish but I don’t care.

I’m not spending hours on the computer any more. I will try to read and comment when I can because I have become extremely fond of some of you and the support and friendship you have offered to me over the last couple of years has been phenomenal but life is moving on.

I’ll be in touch……

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

2008 is going to be awesome!

Happy New Year everyone. I dont know why but every since New Years Eve I have this feeling that this is going to be a special year. I'm tingling with anticipation.

Sad but true - I'm itching to be back at work. I want to get stuck back into it and it has only been a week and a half since I went on holidays. I'm sure I will get over this feeling. I am enjoying reading books and gyming and walking Lucy the Wonder Dog.

I meant to write this earlier while sitting on the deck enjoying the end of a spectacular day but for some reason even though my computer said I was connected it wouldnt let me on to the internet. After a hot day it has cooled down with a slight breeze and it was so nice to sit out there but here I am at the dining room table hearing son slamming around the house (I guess it has been broached to him again that it is time he moved out of the guest room). God give me strength!

Have put on some of the weight I lost before Christmas and I dont think this week has been any better but will find out tomorrow. Here's hoping I can hold steady.

Enjoy yourselves while summer is here.