Friday, June 22, 2007

I surrender but I will survive to fight again

Well it has been a bit of a stressful week.

I finally succumbed on Monday to that tummy bug that is going around and even though I wasn't as sick as some people have been, after 3 weeks of feeling offcolour, I gave up and stayed in bed. I’ve still got it, it seems to linger, but at least the nauseousness has gone for the moment.

Of course, new car was arriving on Monday so DH had to pick up but they needed a copy of my licence so they could register it. DD found her printer and photocopied it for me and then I had to go over to the post office and fax it to the dealer. Not exactly what I wanted to do.

So I said goodbye my little white car which was kind of sad. I have had it for over 13 years and it has been wonderful. I taught both kids to drive (dents to prove it) in it and it has taken me lots of places. It was zippy and cute. Oh well, a girlfriends 26 year old daughter bought it for the price the dealer was going to give us as a trade in which was a bargain as it has nearly 12 months rego on it and it has been a very well maintained little car.

Anyway, new car is nice and I am getting used to it.

Had a farewell sausage sizzle for DS on Sunday night with a group of friends who are known as “the rellies”. It was a fun night with lots of reminiscing and laughter.

I have also surrendered the following this week:
What I eat
House cleaning

I have two adult children operating out of the one bedroom (remember I turned DS bedroom into my study when he moved out last year) and it is like when they were younger. Each of them comes to me with complaints about the other. I guess they never grow out of it or else mine don’t seem to have. Finally on Wednesday, I got sick of it and ventured into the said bedroom and starting at the door, sorted clothes – dirty clean, folded, picked up rubbish until I made it around to the windows. Now as an extra job each morning before I go to work I go in there and do the same thing again but on a smaller scale just to keep the peace between two extremely messy and not a little bit lazy people. I can hear you now - yes it is my fault I guess, I lost the plot somewhere because they were not like this when they were younger.

Because of the extra work with having these two at home I have not exercised this week. It is like the bad old days when they were younger and I didn’t have a life of my own – it was just an extension of my familys. I have worked hard at reclaiming my life back to focus on me and it amazed me how quickly I lost that ground.

Except for yoga – nothing will make me miss yoga. Not even coming home all relaxed to find a family stressed out because dinner wasn’t ready when they got home and heaven help him, DH had to cook it. ##!@@@%%%!!!! OK, deep breathing, focus, relax.

Mentioned to DH that maybe he needs to get his hearing checked. After eons of working with aircraft I know he has a hearing problem but I feel it is getting worse and he tends to snap and accuse everyone of mumbling. I know it must be frustrating for him but it is really frustrating for me too, either having to repeat everything two or three times or getting no response at all. Anyway I suggested he might like to get his hearing tested with a view of maybe some sort of hearing aid and the answer was just a flat no. He was never going to have a hearing aid. I can see myself strangling him in the near future.

Been to rheumatologist today and he has upped my meds again. Yay! The joint swelling and soreness might subside a bit. He agreed that winter was probably not the best time to reduce meds and that that experiment hadn’t work. I think I may have forgotten to go and get my blood test done lately as he only had a result from March and I thought I had gone in May. Obviously another senior moment and I have gotten my Ms mixed up.

OK DS leaves next Thursday finally. Oh how my tune has changed over the last month. He is really good company and we get on exceptionally well but he is a bit of a nightmare to live with. I had forgotten, but I will still be very sad that he is not near to talk to and for hugs.

One more week of work before the next school holidays. Yay!! It is the Winter Solstice today which means .. ta da… the days are going to start getting longer again.

Busy weekend ahead yet again. I hope everyone has a good one.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Some new rules

Have instigated a new regime. Made a list (another one!) of 10 things that I would like to happen most days as follows:

No. 1: Restrict alcohol to nights that I don’t have to go to work. Effectively means that during term time only on Friday and Saturday nights.

No. 2: Drink more water

No. 3: Exercise everyday if possible, doesn’t have to be strenuous just keep moving.

No. 4: No snacking between breakfast and lunch and by snacking I mean no biscuits, toast or cake.

No. 5: No snacking between lunch and dinner (same as above). This is a really hard one.

No. 6: No snacking after dinner.

No. 7: No cups of tea

No. 8: More herbal tea

No. 9: More fruit

No. 10: 1 cup of coffee per day.

I have also being weighing myself each morning to see how either keeping to the above or not keeping to the above effects my weight.

The reason for this was Mary’s post about running and how she has put C25K on hold. She mentioned ideal running weight so I googled it and found a website and worked it out that I was a few kilos over my ideal running weight. I know a few kilos doesn’t sound much but with my dodgy joints a few kilos is a “mountain” and looking back on my running the easiest week was the one when I was at my lightest, still not at “ideal” but closer. So that is what I am aiming at.

It is getting harder to motivate myself with exercise because of the cold and wet but except for the slight hiccup last week have managed to maintain my exercise schedule.

Water or the lack of it has also been a problem. Since it has cooled down I haven’t been drinking much, if any, water. So now have a little bottle which I fill with water and try to drink lots of each day.

Minus 5 Bar last week was fun but cold. They give you coats, gloves and ugg boots if you want them, but after about 20 mins the cold begins to seep into your bones. It was actually -15 deg. The cocktails were yummy but don’t ask me what was in them other than Absolut. One was called “snowball” and the other was “frisky penguin”. We were the only “oldies” in the group and had a great night. After leaving that bar we went down to the Lenin bar for a few more drinks and then DH and I left the younguns to party and we went and had a light meal at City Extra before heading home. A fun night.

My new car was ordered on Sunday. A Subaru impreza hatchback. Should be here in a week or two. A bit sad to be losing my 121 (I do get attached to things) but a new car is always exciting. I’m looking forward to having an all wheel drive car again especially driving to work down a windy narrow road everyday. The 121 is fine in the dry but the wet is scary and I have to drive very slowly because it tends to slide on the corners.

(Edit: New car arrives tomorrow - instead of trading in Mazda have sold it to a friends daughter for what they were going to give me for a trade-in. She has promised I can visit.)

DS moved back home last night and you cannot move in my loungeroom or study because of the number of bags etc that are there. Hopefully they will not stay there too long. His job has fallen through or been delayed in the UK but he says he is still going but is putting the departure date back a week.

(He has now booked to fly out on the 28th. Damn him - I am going to the airport. He cant ban me - I'm his mother! I promise not to sook too much.)

Have rebooked my yoga for next term plus have managed to get back into my tai chi class. My new blanket and mat made this weeks yoga class snuggley warm.

Another wet weekend in Sydney. A bit of stress from having two grownup children living at home, masses of washing, a stressful message from my mother on the answering machine when I got home Friday night (not going there) etc etc. Sunday night feeling better, had drinks and dinner with the rellies tonight (rellies are close friends and kind of neighbours that we have known since our children were little and hunted in a tribe together (the children not the adults). Gareths farewell from them, a fun night of reminising(?) etc - our history goes back around 20 years.

I hope you all have a wonderful week.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

It's raining

Friday 8 June 2007
My next statements are going to make me sound like a terrible mother so let me insert a disclaimer now, I love my children unconditionally and would do anything for them BUT
My house is a mess and those of you who ‘know’ me will know what this is doing to my phsyce. Mess makes me unhappy. I cant help it. DS has dumped all his stuff in my lounge room and filled up my beautiful study with junk – I can hardly move in there and I cant see that he is going to take it all with him when he leaves for overseas if he still goes as his job offer has semi fallen through. DD lives in a continuous mess which is gradually spreading throughout the house despite my best efforts.

Anyway, enough of this – yogic breathing and peaceful mind.

We have had two days (so far) of beautiful rain. I can hear the garden groaning in thanks after my meagre efforts to keep in moist. It is the kind of weather that invites a “doona” day but I have resisted so far. I am trying to get through another term without any sick days.

Have booked “Menopause the Musical” for Sept 15. Turned out that with fathers day, APEC conference and one friend not returning from overseas until beginning September that this was the only weekend in its short season we could make it. The plan is we go to the matinee and then the guys meet us afterwards for drinks and dinner. Yes Zanna and Suzy, I wish you were here too, so that we could go together but you know if you are ever passing through let me know and we will work something out.

My thicker yoga mat, blanket and wedge has arrived! Ordered it on Monday and it arrived on Thursday. How’s that for service. Looking forward to using them next week.

Arrived at work on Tuesday and opened my curtains to find this on my window sill.

I don’t know how they got him out there as they would have had to take the window screens apart but he is there keeping an eye on me. The things that my work colleagues get up to after I get home.

The grass trees are all in bloom and I cant say that I’ve ever noticed them before but it is probably because the bushfires have cleared the bush and I can see them now.

Went to the soccer (oops sorry football) on Saturday night. Was looking forward to a vocal football crowd but honestly, they were as boring as batshit. Similar to an Australian rugby crowd. The game was less than riveting and I actually think I nodded off towards the end. A bit of a disappointment but luckily we were guests so it didn’t cost us anything.

Weight is yo-yoing at the moment like my eating. Have been off colour this week and I think we, as a family, are sharing a stomach wog around between us. Such a sharing caring bunch.

Did Week 4 C25K again and didn’t do it as well as I did it the week before. Am all aches and pains which I think is due to reduced rheumatism medication. Very tempted to up my medication again but will wait for two more weeks until I see rheumatologist.

Finished eatpraylove and will probably buy myself a copy for reference. So many good things in it. Am now reading Bellydancing for Beginners which has drawn a lot of funny comments. I think my family thinks I’m having a second childhood or second teenagehood. Quite funny actually but me bellydancing is not a mental image I want to imagine.

Tonight (Friday) we are off to the city to meet DS’s friends for a surprise farewell party (is he still going?) at the Minus 5 bar at the Quay. We will get attired in warm clothes (hopefully) have a cocktail or two and stay for 30 minutes. Then they are moving on to other bars probably so I don’t know whether we will go with them or just go and have dinner.

Quick update:
Beautiful rain turned into horrific storms with loss of life and much destruction. Remember the lines from Dorothea Mackellar's poem, "My Country":

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror -
The wide brown land for me!

Kind of sums it up.

Due to weather and other things exercise has gone out the window this weekend.

Friday, June 01, 2007


“If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?”
Percy Bysshe Shelley

First day of winter today. Clear crisp days, cold nights. No rain in sight. Getting out the coats, gloves, scarves and all manner of warm things. Prying Lucy reluctantly out of the house in the mornings when all she wants to do is stay inside. Drinking red wine more now rather than the light summer whites. Hauling out the cookbooks and contemplating stews, casseroles and thick hearty soups. Snuggling in bed in the morning and wishing I didn’t have to get up.

Woohoo! Last Saturday I finally moved on to Week 4 C25K and it was not as hard as I thought it would be. Kept it slow, even though Robert was urging me on with peppy music in the second half I resisted him. Might repeat it again so that I can pick up a bit of speed this week. On the treadmill at the gym for day 2 and 3 put a slight gradient so I pushed myself a little bit more.

Lunch in Chinatown on Sunday was fun. There were so many people around; it was so bustling and vibrant. So many little shops I wanted to peek inside. I loved it. DH hated it. Hence our retirement problems. Lovely meal though and good company. Put the finishing touches to planning our long weekend away to the Hunter in July.

When I was driving to work on Tuesday there was a beautiful cloud formation with early morning sunlight behind it but being on a narrow road there really wasn’t the opportunity to stop so I thought I would take a picture down the bottom in the valley if I can. Well as drove down I hit a bank of fog and by the time I got to the bottom I couldn’t even see the sky, talk about seizing the opportunity.

On Wednesday, the sky to the west just before sunrise was the most beautiful blue. A greeny turquoise colour that filled me with elation (that’s the best I can do to explain what I felt).

Something I realised this week is that it doesn’t hurt me to be slightly hungry. I don’t have to eat something when I first get hungry. Now I just have act on this thought.

Back to eatpraylove : I read the “plumbers from New Zealand’s” instructions for freedom to Liz and the basic instruction was “let go”. This has been my mantra for some time when some action or thought is gnawing at my mind and making me unhappy. “Let it go – don’t worry about it”. Nothing is achieved by worrying about something that I can’t change through worrying or stewing over some imagined or real slight. This personnel mantra has stood me well over many difficult periods of my life. It has allowed me to move forward rather than dwell (and I am a dweller).

DS received his visas this week so it’s all plans full steam ahead! Suddenly the refrain I am hearing is ”so much to do so little time”.

Have registered to be one of the Field of Women on 11 August. Darling DH refuses to wear a pink poncho but agreed to come as my guest. The only problem with the 11 August is that it is the city to surf the next day and come hell or high water I am going to do it this year.

My repaying this favour is having to go and see Darryl Braithwaite at the local club in a couple of weeks. Not that I dislike Darryl Braithwaite, I did like Sherbert when I was much much younger, much much younger, but I have moved on. Still it will probably be a fun night full of nostalgia and much alcohol with other likeminded people.

Wore more clothes to yoga this week. The room has been made smaller, heaters are on but the floor is wooden and it is still a large space. Looked at one of the sites Mary sent me earlier this year, iyogaprops and I will go back and buy a thicker mat and maybe a blanket. I actually have remembered some of the sequences from this week and will endeavour to do them every day. Must remember to rebook for next term as this is a very popular class and I know I would miss it if I couldn’t go. Also have to book early for tai chi as it got booked out this term too and I miss Jorge and the sweet older ladies who go. I guess I have been away from tai chi for a year nearly.

“Menopause the musical” is coming back to Sydney and I am probably the only one in Sydney not to have seen it so I am canvassing friends to see if there is anyone else who would like to go. I usually don’t mind going by myself but I think this seems like something to be shared with friends (not the long suffering DH).

Trivia tonight with friends
Soccer – Australia vs Uruguay (thought I had gracefully sidestepped going to this)

Today: Gym program
Saturday: C25K run & pilates
Sunday: Lucy Walk & Swimming
Monday: Gym program
Tuesday: C25K run
Wednesday: Walk Lucy & Yoga
Thursday: C25K
(Still in the top 50 @ Walking with Attitude)

Edit: I have been trying to post this since yesterday but have had inexplicable problems with links.