Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Didnt see it coming......

Have been travelling okay this week. Still cant walk very well and Lucy (my little keg on legs) is suffering although Mark takes her for runs on the week end if he has time.

Except for yesterday – Really don’t know what happened. Started eating and just couldn’t stop. Ate so much all day that by 5 pm was feeling ill. Even tossed up about not going to yoga and just going to bed but knew it would do me good (and it did). Don’t know where the brain snap came from – was I cold, bored, in pain – I don’t know and it is driving me mad. Probably undid the good I have done all week in that one long binge.

Anyway have hopefully moved on and today will be better although rugby semi-final on Saturday night could be another hiccup.

Have been preparing myself for winter. Bought a new navy wool coat/jacket to wear to work (navy and stone/beige are the colours). Really toasty warm. This week I am looking for gloves to wear to work (I have my fingerless gloves to wear at work so that I can still type).

Also I have bought a new work bag. I found I was carrying lots of bags so I have consolidated. Saw an article in Notebook magazine this month for Spencer and Rutherford bags and check them out on the internet and ordered a business bag. It arrived this week and is absolutely gorgeous. It has been made from the most beautiful materials, very lush looking and makes me smile everytime I look at it because of its sheer gorgeousness. It is called Eleanor (tranquillity). It will fit my laptop too if I feel inclined to lug it around.
http://www.spencerandrutherford.com/store/eleanor-tranquility-p99029.html (here is hopefully a link to it).

Postscript: Well rugby semi-final was okay. Tahs won and so it is onwards and upwards to play the Crusaders this weekend in NZ. Didnt eat or drink too much but spent much of the weekend lying down and when we had to go out on Saturday night I dosed up on painkillers. Spent most of Sunday on the lounge which I think didnt hurt me. I dont think anybody has died of a messy house.

GP has prescribed some tablets to help me get through this rough period which I think are helping although I didnt really want to go down that road. Also have a referral to a psycologist (?) to talk about getting some coping skills but cant seem to link up with her. I am feeling better within myself (my mind is calmer) although still aching which is to be expected. My GP says to feel this way when you have a chronic illness is to be expected but I still dont like the sadness.

Am just going to try and keep my weight level at the moment without worrying too much about diet. Too many things to think of at once and I am really craving cheese. Go figure.

Friday, May 16, 2008

My week

Last week was not a great week. Jess was asked to read a story at the end of the funeral service and I was never so proud of her as I was that day. She spoke clearly and strongly, something I couldnt have done if I had been in her shoes and she has shown an inner strength although she is still grieving. The family released 19 butterflies and 19 balloons after Jess had finished - one for every year of Ash's life. It was very moving.

Food has not been great lately. Actually I have been eating everything and anything. Ankles so swollen that I cant exercise at all - can hardly walk. Self inflicted I am afraid - too much alcohol at girlfriends 60th and thought I was young again and danced all night. I have been such a sad little old lady this week. Thinking about going to have a chinese massage to see if that will help reduce the pain.

Rheumatologist has taken me off methotrexate for the time being and put me on something else. I just learn the name of one drug and he changes it on me. I had too many side effects for no gain was the reason for the change.

Anyway, have drawn a line in the sand (figuratively speaking). Have tried to eat sensibly today and have a big pot of vegetable soup on the stove bubbling away for those moments when I have to eat something. Hopefully I will make wise choices this week.

Apparently going to be very cold on Sunday here - a taste of winter. So am planning a quiet day with sleep-in and book reading as well as the usual ironing and cleaning. Just no outside stuff. Although if the weather forecast is wrong I will try to be out in the garden and a trip to the nursery is on the cards. Can't be bothered with annuals anymore, so will buy some bushy plants (maybe small lavendars) to plant among the roses and fill up the gaps.

Mum is in hospital in Brisbane. She has been there on and off for over a week because she was having trouble breathing. They have found that she has asthma, a lung cancer the size of a 50 cent piece which they have removed and is also suffering from MDS, a blood disorder. My eldest sister says she is in quite good spirits and has been enjoying her stay in hospital for the company and meals.

Friday night here and I am going to have a glass of low alcohol wine - the Lindemans Early Harvest semillion sauvignon blanc, when Mark gets home. Quite nice really. Off to make another recipe from the "Core Plan" cook book and then an early night. I cant seem to get over the tiredness and except for having to go the bathroom many times during the night am sleeping like the proverbial log. I wish the bathroom stuff would stop - the trials of growing old!

Have a great weekend......

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Coping or not coping

I have tried to check emails and blogs but just cant. We are not functioning well at the moment.

My daughters best friend/little sister was killed on Monday night in a motorcycle accident.

Jess met her in primary school when Jess was a buddy to the kindergarten students and they have been friends ever since. Like sisters in a lot of ways.

She is just coping with the grief and I am not doing much better. I remember Jess teaching her to dive in our pool. I remember so many things from the last 14 years.

I am so extremely sorry that a family has lost a daughter, especially at this time of year, just before mothers day.

Life is certainly crappy sometimes.

To a girl who's smile could light up a room - vale Ash.............