Overwhelmed

I have been very quiet lately.

Feeling a trifle overwhelmed lately.

Hit the floor running at work 3 weeks ago and have barely had time to draw breath.

Also struggling with the normal: housework, meals, washing, ironing and of course the perennial favourite - weight.

By Friday am exhausted.

Sometimes wonder how I did it all and coped with the kids extra curricular activities but I guess the answer is I was younger and probably had better energy levels.

Tomorrow we are going to see Love Never Dies and then out to dinner.

The weekend after we are in Kiama for four days.

Really looking forward to it all but I am dragging my feet.

Anyway off to bed in a minute. Have to play Words with Friends because apparently I haven't played it for 3 days (SMSs starting to arrive) but will do that in bed.

Good night and have a wonderful weekend.

xxx

Here we go again

I am having trouble with blogger. I thought about starting another blog and now cant get rid of it. I have gone into settings and deleted it but it is still there. Hovering in the background like a no longer welcome guest at a party. Damnation why am I so challenged.

Tired today. Sydney weather is the pits at this time of year. Hot and humid. Everything is an effort and sleep is nearly impossible. I want M to put in ceiling fans in the bedrooms but he is resisting saying they keep him awake. Comes down in the end to - does he want a cranky tired wife or would he prefer sleep. His choice.

J swam in a harbour swim on Australia Day. 2.2 kms in choppy water. Did it in 35 mins. Her first open water swim in a long time. She is now all enthused and is doing the Cole classic this Sunday and another one in March. She is also booking to do the Kokoda Trail in June/July. Boundless energy.

Now some housekeeping - Linda I will get to your tag. I dont mind doing them but have trouble responding to them but I will try.
Anne I cant seem to get into your blog again. Maybe I have forgotten something. Entirely possible. Will check my emails to see if there is something in there to jog my memory. Faintly remember something.

Had trouble with my knee again in Queensland. I actually think it was because I hadnt been wearing my orthotics as I was in thongs a lot. Became so painful that I couldnt lie on my side with my knee resting on the bed. The only position that was painfree was on my back and that of course let to snoring. Fun times had by all. Dr put me on prednisone as she thought it was an inflamed tendon. Between that and the orthotics fixed itself really quickly. I had put off going to the drs for a couple of weeks as I thought I might end up in hospital again and I dont want to do that. Silly I know, the damage I was doing could have led to greater problems. Still get twinges now and then but generally okay.

Tried to go swimming yesterday. I dont remember if I swam overarm last year after my back operation but the pain that occurred after swimming half the length of our home pool was horrible. I think M thought he was going to have to rescue me. Breaststroke was okay.

Am going back to yoga tomorrow night after fourteen months or more off. Am going to take it very very slowly and not push myself and see if I can last the term this time.

Weight is blah. Goes up and down like a yoyo. Am trying to track using Weight Watchers but it is so disheartening. I am in minus points this week but that is to be expected if you saw the photo of my brunch on Australia Day on Facebook. Even the days that I think I am doing well are not great when I total up the points.

Weight Watchers weigh in is tomorrow morning. I have been weighing myself everyday and recording on an iPhone app I think is called Weightbot. That is a big wake up call. It tells me that for my height etc I am overweight. Nifty little graph which bears the bad news every single day. LOL. Maybe the wake up I need. Don't want but need.

Enough rambling have a great week. back to work I go
xxx

Things I Know

Linking up with Linda today and trying to insert an actual link for things I know.

I know that I am blessed with my life although I bitch and moan about weight, health etc. I have a great family, both immediate and extended, good friends and of course my gorgeous little dog. (What kind of post would I do without at least one mention of her.)

I know that I live in the best country in the world.

I know that decisions that I make this year will just be for me and no one else.

I know I want to be more mobile and that means other things have to go for a while. Not for ever, just for a while.

I know that I have to eat slower - meal times are not a race (which by the way I always seem to win).

I know that my two words for this year, courtesy of Nadine (and I can't find that link), will be - BE POSITIVE.

I know that I am going to take steps to stop procrastinating about things and get out there and do things.

I know that with your help I will be focussed and if I'm not, its nobody's fault - least of all mine but I am, as sure as hell, going to try to remain focussed and upbeat.

Happy New Year and may 2012 be everything that you want/need it to be.

xxx

A glass half empty

We had a wonderful Christmas and a lovely new year, all the food is just about gone, mainly to my hips and middle.

Now as the day of reckoning is fast approaching I have to face the fact that my weight is still inching up - most of my clothes don't fit me and I am not good at tracking or saying no. Not helping is the fact that my left knee gave out on me a couple of days ago and I couldn't even stand up. Liberal application of ice and painkillers has helped and I am trying to rest it. I don't remember hurting it but hurt it I have.

I am definitely in a glass half empty frame of mind. Social occasions coming up are being viewed as another opportunity to fail due to not being able to say no. My prob I know. It is a mindset that I have to get around somehow.

J has separated from her boyfriend* of 6 years. They are taking a break. If it goes further it will be messy and difficult to untangle their lives. They are both dreadfully upset. Just sitting tight and waiting to see what is going to happen. He has become part of our lives and we are quite fond of him. Sigh.

Even though I am on holidays I have to go and do a first aid refresher course this week. If I leave it until I am back at work my certificate will have expired and I will have to do the whole thing again rather than the refresher. I will take a day in lieu in February when we go to Kiama for the rugby 7s rather than use my long service leave.

Summer has finally arrived in Sydney. Gorgeous days, hot, bright blue skies and still not too hot and humid at night.

A funny thing happened the other day at a friends place where we were having dinner. I went to stand up and the pain that shot up from my left knee was unbelievable. I actually couldn't support my self - friends swung into action with ice packs etc and after a while the pain was bearable. I don't recall hurting it, it could be the extra weight I am carrying at the moment. It had been niggling for a couple of days when I was walking - it hurts when I start but goes away after a while. I know I should go to the doctors but every time I go something bad happens so I will rest it a bit and see what happens. Perhaps try some swimming as a non weight bearing activity.

I bought some new Nike sneakers after Christmas. I bought them from US. Even with postage they were cheaper than the ones I bought here. I ordered them on 27 December and they arrived on 30 December. I was amazed.

I have to downsize my spending this year. I am calling it my practice year for retirement but I am not all that sure I am going to retire in 2013. I change my mind every week.

I hope 2012 is a wonderful year for everybody.

xxx

*I usually call them partners because I feel that boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't cover it but a couple of times lately people have picked me up on it saying partner is not correct. Whatever.......who cares!

It's Backkkkkkkk

Was it Jack Nicholson in the Shining. Wish I could type it with the right inflection.

That 1.6kg I lost last week is back. I am so over everything at the moment. I was hoping to be in the 60s before Christmas - looking doubtful.

Last week:
Virtually no tracking
3 Lucy walks and 1 gym session
Alcohol - best we not dwell on that one

It spite of all of the above I can fit into my work pants but they produce such a muffin top that I could get a job at Muffin Break. Tried them on this morning and quickly took them off again before anybody saw me and back on with my rolltop yoga pants.

Am trying to write down what I eat today without entering into computer. Hopefully at the end of the day I can enter it and see what happened. I think that if I don't enter everything straight away I cant see how badly I may be doing and then I stop tracking. Does that make any sort of sense. It sounded okay in my head when I was thinking about it this morning.

I also have been thinking about Obsessions for want of a better word. I really want to travel but I love my home so much and I think that is the problem. I am one of those compulsive people who likes everything in its place and when you are travelling nothing is in its "right place" and it drives me crazy. Plus leaving Lucy is heartwrenching for me. I always enjoy myself when we are away doing whatever but am really really glad to get back home again. Renovating also drives me mad because once again everything is not in its right place. I guess I have developed a series of coping mechanisms over the years so that I dont seem like a complete looney. Spur of the moment plans are not great with me either but I try.

Moving right along to things I love
The smell of books - new or old doesnt matter
My hair straightner - it allows me to have longer hair because it used to be short so that I could keep the curl/wave out of it - now I just straighten it everyday and although I know it is just in my mind, I feel better with myself.
A new notebook - I love opening a brandnew diary or notebook - it is a new beginning.
New purses, shoes, handbags, lipsticks and watches - Trying very hard to curb the wants for these things.
Smells - bread baking, fresh coffee, the smell of the earth after the first shower of rain, lawn when it has just been mowed, gardenias which are now all coming into flower, the red rose in my front garden, so many things to mention - this list just goes on and on.
Did I mention my hair straightener.
Oh, nearly forgot - Lucy the wonderdog. The "no strings love" she gives is priceless and such a wonderful stress release to have this small bundle of fur launch herself at you when you walk in the door. You'd think you had been gone for days by the welcome you get.

J's 27th birthday today. It has all gone so quickly. She is a beautiful, strong and talented woman. I am so proud of her and what she has achieved. That said, there are still times I could happily strangle her but she is my bestie and my baby.

On the first day of the school holidays (end of work now only 2 weeks away before 5 weeks break) we are having a day together at the zoo to see the baby tigers and all the other babies that have been born. Hope the weather is good. Going to Forsyth's in Naremburn for coffee first. Will have to arrange another day in the city shopping with lunch at DJs and definitely a visit to Zaras.

G has moved in with his girlfriend and everything seems to be okay. She is a lovely sweet generous person but this is their second attempt at going out. Maybe this time, now that they both are a bit older, it will work out. He is happy and that is very important.

I am aiming for more exercise this week - I have increased gym session to twice a week and mixing it up a bit with cardio and weights. I have got to tone up a bit. The overlaps are not attractive. Did I mention that this is one of the things I hate about getting older. I aim to walk Lucy at between 5 and 7 times depending on weather.

M is pottering along in retirement as usual. He has now agreed (well sort of) to do the vacuuming every week because it puts a strain on my back. Either that or the dyson has to go and we get a lighter vacuum cleaner. He is a much better vacuumer than me so it has been a win win situation. Two weeks in a row - am going for three - no use in overplanning and him thinking that I am taking him for granted/or advantage of which of course I am.

Oh well, back to work - 14 more sleeps and then holidays, then Christmas, then New Years then Queensland etc etc etc.

Thoughts all over the place....grasshopper mind strikes again

Let's get the business over and done with.

Lost 1.6 kgs this week BUT this is probably a false reading as I have had another tummy upset over the weekend (my third in 7 weeks).

Exercised with two Lucy walks and one gym session. Been appalling weather here last week but has returned to fine and sunny so we did start the week well this morning with another early morning walk before the heat and humidity kicked in.

Four no alcohol days.

The tummy upsets are limiting me a bit. Might be I am eating too much fruit but it is summer, or nearly, and the fruits are just amazing. Don't think it is anything more sinister unless M is trying to get rid of me.

Talking about M, because the weather was terrible on Saturday morning, raining and windy and therefore no golf, and because I was not feeling great he did all the vacuuming for me. He does such a great job. I wish he would do it every week. Maybe if I turn around three times and click my heels together this wish will come true. Here's hoping.

It was a nice weekend - dinner with old friends who seem to be forever travelling since they have all retired. The three of us worked (I still do) for the education department which was how I met them and we take turns arranging a dinner every four months with our other halves who luckily get on well together as we make them sit down one end so we can catch up. One of the other couples has just got back from South America and are off to Europe next March and I think the other couple is off to either Europe again or Canada next year too.

Went back to the podiatrist last week and he checked my feet again. I have decided that when my care plan runs out I will still keep going to him because he has made such a difference to the amount of pain my feet give me. He assures me that he sees worse feet than mine.

In between the nausea etc I was feeling on the weekend I managed to get some gardening done. Found three enormous and beautifully camoflagued grubs on my basil so hopefully that will stop the carnage that has been going on. I kept feeling ill so at one stage ended up lying on the back lawn watching the clouds go past in a perfectly beautiful sky. Something I dont think I have done since I was young.

I have moved my yoga mat from my car boot to the family room. It has lived in the boot for about a year (since before my last back op). I have bought some things to hopefully refocus me and I will let you know how they go and as I have said before when I work out how to put links in I will link to Nadine's blog so that you can see what I am talking about. That probably doesnt make sense but I am running out of time and must get back to work.

Kids and their partners coming for baked dinner tonight as usual.

Goal for this week is to aim towards preserving a healthier me. Thinking maybe a naturopath?
Carpet gone from bedroom completely along with all the nails and tacks that took him hours to get rid off. Makes such a difference and I think my breathing has improved greatly at night in bed. Sinuses not giving me as much of a problem. Lucy having trouble slipping and sliding a bit when she jumps up on and down from the bed (naughty spoilt much loved dog).

Planning started towards trip to Qld in January. Linda, will be in touch when I have firm dates to see if you are free.

Have a great week.

A year ago

This weekend was a bit of a disaster. It isnt called yo yo weight for nothing - back up 400g this week.

Goal update:

Managed 3 days with no alcohol (should have been four)

Four Lucy walks plus one gym session (Missed a walk)

No tracking after lunchtime on Friday until this morning (this has to stop)

Just looked back at my WW online and exactly a year ago I was 1.8kg lighter.

I returned to this time last year on my blog too.

My back was really giving me a lot of trouble.

A friend has just suicided. (There was actually a rememberance ceremony last Friday for her which I went to for a little while - still miss her)

I had to get to work early this morning to open up for one of the consultants who is running a staff development day here today. Up at 5.30 - walked Lucy - at work by 7.30 and boy am I tired. Here it is Monday morning at 9:45 am and I want to go and lie down for an hour or two and I cant stop yawning.

Carpet is coming up in the bedroom today I think. I don't know how M is going to do it by himself but I am glad I am not there to watch or hear it.

Update: 9:47 am and Carpet has gone. Yay!

He is also redesigning our built-in wardrobe and has been harping on about my shoes and how I possibly couldnt need all of them. He is right but it is something I am not ready to tackle yet so I have dug my heels in (no pun intended) and told him to back off.

I wish everything would just go away and leave me alone. (I think that is the tiredness speaking.)

Having a blood test today to check out my thyroid and going to the podiatrist later this week to check out my feet. I have 5 visits under the care plan and the first one made such a difference to the pain in my feet.

Also going to get my hair cut tomorrow. Think I have had enough of trying to grow it.

This was a really pretty moth that came to visit on the weekend. It was on the deck railing and obligingly waited for me to get my camera and take a photo. Good moth. Dont you love the lacy pattern on its wings.


Anyway, I cant blame anything or anyone for my gain this week unless of course it is myself. I am feeling a bit down but it will pass.

Walking Lucy this morning was gorgeous. Cool before the humidity kicks in again, nobody but the two of us, so I could let her off her lead for a little sniff and run. Mark has clipped her a lot over the weekend because she has been really suffering and while she looks a little strange she is much much happier being a shorthaired dog.

This week will be better. I will try and remember all the things that I know about why I am doing badly. I will exercise more, drink alcohol less and try to keep an accurate record of everything for 7 days. I may not succeed but I will try. Hope your week goes according to plan too.
:)