Today

Today I sit here in my black clothes waiting for my children to come and collect me to take me to my mother's funeral. I wish I could fit into something more colourful but I cant so black it is.

I have bought the spot in a garden at the crematorium I know she would have loved, brought her ashes back from Queensland, arranged for the plaque with a little picture of a cat on it as a reminder of her beloved Angel, the dreaded tiger cat, written my little speech as no one else wants to speak, picked the music - Time to Say Goodbye (Con Te Partiro) by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli and Somewhere over the Rainbow/A wonderful world by Israel Kam...... (cant spell or pronounce his name), organised the food for a light lunch afterwards - let me see was there anything else.

Not everyone is coming - we made a conscious decision that it would only be immediate family and the interstate branch has decided not to come. Sad but understandable. They have probably already said their goodbyes. This has been dragging on for months.

What made me post this morning was reading a post about someones Grandmother. Mum's mum was the complete opposite to Mum. She lived in South Hurstville in an old weatherboard house with an enormous chook yard, a gigantic tree (may have been oak) in the side yard with a rope swing, lots of interesting outbuildings, no inside toilet and I loved going there. I remember she used to let me eat my vegetables raw because that was the way I preferred them. I remember sitting by her coal fire listening to the radio. She was a small woman who had been married to a harsh man who was luckily gone by the time I arrived. I loved her so much and due to troubles at home I spent a lot of time with her especially in the school holidays or when I was sick. She raised rabbits too. It was only later that I realised that these little creatures that we dressed up and wheeled around in a dolls pram were destined for someones dinner table. One of the many ways she eked out her meagre existence.
I am sorry my glorious daughter never met her. I think they share the same spirit.

Anyway I am getting teary remembering a time that has long passed.

Today another chapter of that story ends - I hope my mother has found peace. I think it eluded her during her life but we all deserve a happy ending.

Good Intentions

As was once famously mentioned

“Good intentions don’t amount to a hill of beans when alcohol is involved”

4 glasses of wine
beer battered fish and chips and salad
a giant sausage roll and sauce (what was I thinking)
1 large skim milk flat white (a tiny bit of sanity)

Also there was a lot and I mean a lot of walking involved. Something that I am not supposed to do at the moment. I only just made it home – my right ankle really was a cankle or in the advanced stages of elephantitis by the time I got to bed around midnight after leaving home at 3.

There was talk of attending the rugby grandfinal in two weeks time and then doing a pub crawl back to central and then dinner. (My God - I am going to have to get new friends - I cant keep up with these ones LOL). I have let Mark know that I probably wont be going to the rugby but I will meet them for dinner minus the pub crawl if it goes ahead.

Time to grow up and slow down.

Enchanted mirrors!

Well here I am again. My rehab from ankle operation is taking up a lot of my time plus it is amazing how quickly you lose flexibility and strength spending 10 weeks in a cast so pilates three times a week is on the agenda and gradually I am clawing my way back but this is going to take a while which is frustrating the hell out of me. Wow, wasnt that a long sentence.

Anyway, about the title enchanted mirrors. I think all my mirrors at home are enchanted by a benign fairy godmother. I look into them and I think great I look okay and then I go out and sometimes it is me catching a glimpse of myself in a window or as was today in a change room at Sussan.

Doesnt look anything like me or at least the mental picture I have of myself and I really must get some sort of mirror arrangement for the back of my head, how did I leave the house with my hair looking like that at the back. When did I get so big and I really mean big. Tried on a pair of jeans in Sussans and a top and both were too small and they were the larger size than I used to wear. Left without buying and feeling dispirited.

That area around my middle which us over 50s are constantly being told to worry about is now really something worth worrying about.

So I have sat down and tried to nut out a menu for the next week which I will endeavour not to deviate from.

So, just have to get through the rugby tonight and early dinner with friends in the city and drinks with more friends tomorrow night. Lordy how am I going to do this. Weak willed lily-livered person that I am.

But maybe it will be an Oprah Aha moment for me. I know this has been building for a couple of months now but I finally think (hope) I am at the limit of my self-abuse (poor body) and will start fighting my way back and believe me it will be a fight.

A bright spot is Jess and I are going to the STitches and Craft Fair tomorrow to enlarge my hoard of material for my patchwork project and I know that she will keep me on the straight and narrow. She might be small but she is tough.

By the way an update
* Mark turned 59 yesterday and we had a lovely dinner with friends at local Vietnamese restaurant
* Gareth broke his wrist snowboarding a couple of weekends ago but you will be glad to know he has had a fibreglass cast put on so he can still go snowboarding
* Jess's police netball team came first in their netball grade and play their semifinal today
* My boss of the last 16 years retired at the end of last term
* I have a new much much younger boss now who seems lovely and is taking it slowly I think so as not to upset us oldies
* Mum is finally coming to rest at Palmdale Cemetry on Central Coast this week
* Mark talking about partially retiring in October
* Bathroom renovations started this week - finally
* I bought a new sewing machine (my first one since before I got married) and while I have not actually used it yet it is out of its box and my study has been rearranged to accommodate it.

Off to get ready for the rugby now so I hope you are all having a great weekend and I will catch up soon.