Today I sit here in my black clothes waiting for my children to come and collect me to take me to my mother's funeral. I wish I could fit into something more colourful but I cant so black it is.
I have bought the spot in a garden at the crematorium I know she would have loved, brought her ashes back from Queensland, arranged for the plaque with a little picture of a cat on it as a reminder of her beloved Angel, the dreaded tiger cat, written my little speech as no one else wants to speak, picked the music - Time to Say Goodbye (Con Te Partiro) by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli and Somewhere over the Rainbow/A wonderful world by Israel Kam...... (cant spell or pronounce his name), organised the food for a light lunch afterwards - let me see was there anything else.
Not everyone is coming - we made a conscious decision that it would only be immediate family and the interstate branch has decided not to come. Sad but understandable. They have probably already said their goodbyes. This has been dragging on for months.
What made me post this morning was reading a post about someones Grandmother. Mum's mum was the complete opposite to Mum. She lived in South Hurstville in an old weatherboard house with an enormous chook yard, a gigantic tree (may have been oak) in the side yard with a rope swing, lots of interesting outbuildings, no inside toilet and I loved going there. I remember she used to let me eat my vegetables raw because that was the way I preferred them. I remember sitting by her coal fire listening to the radio. She was a small woman who had been married to a harsh man who was luckily gone by the time I arrived. I loved her so much and due to troubles at home I spent a lot of time with her especially in the school holidays or when I was sick. She raised rabbits too. It was only later that I realised that these little creatures that we dressed up and wheeled around in a dolls pram were destined for someones dinner table. One of the many ways she eked out her meagre existence.
I am sorry my glorious daughter never met her. I think they share the same spirit.
Anyway I am getting teary remembering a time that has long passed.
Today another chapter of that story ends - I hope my mother has found peace. I think it eluded her during her life but we all deserve a happy ending.