Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Dark Moments

Last night or more accurately early this morning as I wandered the house, turned the air conditioner on and off, played with my DS, read a little, lay on the lounge I was thinking once again about being overweight yet again and about going to a wedding in Townsville in April.

I actually thought to myself - when March comes and I am up and around again I will lose this extra flab.

Then a moment of clarity and honesty - who am I kidding. In the 6 weeks I will have I wont be able to do it. I am not superwoman, I am getting older and therefore the weight is harder to dislodge. I have to start now. I have to take some sort of responsibility now, not later, not in 6 weeks time - NOW.

But I dont want to diet. I dont want to count points or track. These two things are things that set me up for failure and the spiral back to feeling hopeless again.

Well I've told you the donts but I really dont know what the dos are or more accurately the dos that I will be able to do.

I know I have to cut down on the amount I eat. Stop the mindless snacking (thank goodness all the Christmas food has just about gone). Eat more fresh fruit and vegetables. Drink more water. Limit alcohol intake.

Devise some sort of exercise program that I can do sitting or lying down.

I know what I have to do - the test is doing it. Part of me really really wants to but part of me doesnt.

That is the part that sat on the lounge early this morning crying about the fact that I wanted my life back. Just one of those moments when everything seemed at its blackest. It has passed. I am calm again.

I have a few ideas about coping but I wont bore you with them unless I do them and they work.


  1. Similar to you - I'm over dieting, counting points and so on. Yet I don't want to start piling on more weight than I already have. All sounds simple to snack less, eat healthier but sometimes easier said than done. Thoughts are with you as well Julie - you are dealing with a lot. Take care:-)

  2. Hi Julie, I read your blog from a link on Annes and I can so relate to how you are feeling. I too am struggling with the "just start doing it now" and keep saying when this or that happens or doesn't happen I will make an effort. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate with not being able to exercise or do things. I can relate a little to that as I too have had periods when I haven't been able to do anything because of arthritis, fibromyalgia and a couple of years ago a cyst on my spine that had me off my feet for what seemed like at the time forever!!
    Anne & I live about 30mins from each other and manage to meet up for coffees & visits. It's amazing how through a blog you find people and think you have known them forever. Anne & I have found lots in common and even know the same people. :)
    Wishing you a speedy recovery :)