Last night or more accurately early this morning as I wandered the house, turned the air conditioner on and off, played with my DS, read a little, lay on the lounge I was thinking once again about being overweight yet again and about going to a wedding in Townsville in April.
I actually thought to myself - when March comes and I am up and around again I will lose this extra flab.
Then a moment of clarity and honesty - who am I kidding. In the 6 weeks I will have I wont be able to do it. I am not superwoman, I am getting older and therefore the weight is harder to dislodge. I have to start now. I have to take some sort of responsibility now, not later, not in 6 weeks time - NOW.
But I dont want to diet. I dont want to count points or track. These two things are things that set me up for failure and the spiral back to feeling hopeless again.
Well I've told you the donts but I really dont know what the dos are or more accurately the dos that I will be able to do.
I know I have to cut down on the amount I eat. Stop the mindless snacking (thank goodness all the Christmas food has just about gone). Eat more fresh fruit and vegetables. Drink more water. Limit alcohol intake.
Devise some sort of exercise program that I can do sitting or lying down.
I know what I have to do - the test is doing it. Part of me really really wants to but part of me doesnt.
That is the part that sat on the lounge early this morning crying about the fact that I wanted my life back. Just one of those moments when everything seemed at its blackest. It has passed. I am calm again.
I have a few ideas about coping but I wont bore you with them unless I do them and they work.