To be or not to be - a Sook!

I am such a sook aren't I and I can only put it down to too much wine. Thanks for all your words of support - I think I am back on track today and plan a gym session this afternoon plus I will be cutting back a little each day to compensate for this week's blow out. My little goldfish on my ticker seems to have a long way to swim but Im not complaining I know it could be worse.

Have made an appointment with a new dentist to get my tooth looked out tomorrow afternoon. Everyone says it sounds like a cracked filling - I hate dentists but this guy is supposed to be lovely. I have too other dentists - both good too but one charges like a wounded bull and the other one is booked out until mid December with a dragon on reception who just says we cant help you.

I came home from my sisters yesterday with another canary. She had two and they were so noisy that she couldnt bear it so we bought one home and poor Spike (our canary) is wondering what hit him. This new canary is small and spritely and never seems to stay still. Hopefully it will sing like it did at my sisters. Might go to the markets on Sunday and get a bigger cage. I can just see DH rolling his eyes now (LOL).

DS has been nominated for apprentice of the year and we are suitably chuffed with him. He seemed to be wandering after he finished year 12 but at our insistence found a job labouring at a golf course and was later taken on as a apprentice. He finished in August and found out last week that he had been nominated. The interview is this Wednesday and he has bought his first suit to wear - hopefully it makes it through race day tomorrow intact.

Today is very muggy with the promise of storms this afternoon.

My tip for tomorrow is "Leica Falcon" because I like the name. But I suppose you cant really go past Makybe Diva if she runs. She is such a champion and it would be wonderful if she won her third cup. Oh rats, I just realised that I may be at the dentists tomorrow when the cup is run - hope he has a TV.
Enjoy
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Hopeless

I give up. Today has been a blow out of major proportions. Lunch at sisters and Sunday night drinks with friends. Bugger!

But had a great time and will move on and start tracking again tomorrow and I am sure I will learn from this. Really like the diet lemon, lime and bitters and cant buy it at the moment so that a small problem with me. Any excuse to drink wine. Bugger!

I have to have a crumpet now so I can take my medication with food but that is all. Im off to bed. Will be good the rest of the week.
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Temptations

So much for good intentions last night. Didnt carry through my good intentions. Had 3-1/2 slices of pizza, about 4 glasses of wine and few nibblies. Sooo... I'm behind the 8ball this week to start and one more lunch to go at my sisters tomorrow and then drinks again tomorrow night. Damn! I found and partially read Wendie's plan this week so I am going to apply that. I managed to crib back some points today.

I have a toothache. Started yesterday and strangely is only affected by hot. Looks like a visit to the dentist. I can be such a chicken sometimes.

Got a letter from the foot surgeon (I know they have another name but I'm in a hurry) yesterday - His charges are somewhere between $700 and $1800 depending on whether I will need a bone graft as well as a plate. I spoke to the health fund the other day and I think the hospital is covered completely except for extras so that just leaves the "puter to sleep person" and the assistant surgeon.

Tai Chi was really good today. The time just flies past. We were shown the complete Cloud movement today. Heaven help me - I dont know whether my memory will hold all those moves but I am going to give it a good try.

Lists are back in action and working well. Have managed to get some order back into the house. Anyway tonight is the beginning of daylight saving and I was going to try to get to bed early but hasnt happened. I usually go through the next 6 months jetlagged and in a fog but hopefully I wont this year.
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Weigh-In 1

Weigh-in last night - down to 70kgs. A loss of 1.3kgs. Woohoo! Celebrated with a small glass of wine. Still came in with 12 spare points at the end of the week. Of course now I have to start again but I guess that's what its all about.

Really busy at work today hence this extremely short post. Trying to do it at home - son is hovering wanting the internet back and daughter is telling me about Neighbours which is making it hard to concentrate. I swear there are fewer distractions at work.

Going out to dinner tonight to friends. DH organised it - pizza and wine. I could strangle him. This is hard enough to do without him helping. Oh well, I will try to manage.

Will update everything tomorrow.
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Lists

I live by lists. I really cant survive without them although I try from time to time and chaos and anarchy reign in my life - such a time has just passed and Im back into my lists again. I dont know what is about it but if I list the things I have to do, mainly at home, then cross off each one as I go I feel like I am accomplishing something. Anyway, after a while I think this is ridiculous I know what I have to do each day, I dont need to do this list thing and that's when chaos and anarchy descends on my life. This scenario plays itself endlessly - rather like my weight loss regime - I know how to eat properly I dont need to follow a diet - wrong! You would think at my age I would understand this but I guess there are somethings we never learn. (Note to self: dont be so hard on kids when they forget for the nth time to put toaster away, hang up wet towels etc etc.)

The thing that has brought me back to my list is I having been really vague and dithery these last 3 days. Luckily the vagueness mainly happens in the afternoon after I get home from work but I must have been bad yesterday because DD offered to cook dinner for me which I really appreciated.

The other "bad" thing that happened yesterday was for the last 4 months I have been thinking/hoping that I was on my way to menopause. Now I know menopause has lots of bad side effects such as the flushes, etc but it also has a liberating phase. I have spoken to my doctor and she said you have to wait 12 months without periods before you can be classed arriving at menopause but that I was perimenopausal. Unfortunately my hopes were dashed yesterday and Im back at square one. I think that this event threw me a bit too which probably didnt help the vagueness. Anyway, enough of that......

Today is another glorious Sydney day in a suburban national park. The goanna was downstairs today hunting the water dragon eggs. I know its just nature, but I love the water dragons so I asked my boss to move him on which he did under protest. The lyrebirds havent turned up today yet although I heard them earlier when I arrived at work. The male dances and runs up and down on the ledge outside the rec room window and lately he has brought his lady friend to entertain too. I think they like their reflections.

Another box of wine arrived this morning from one of our regular suppliers up in the Hunter. Last week it was Lucy's Run, this week it is Petersens and I had a call from Ivanhoe's the other day and their tasting box should be here soon.

Weigh in tonight - I know I feel better even if that damn "sabotage fairy" is laying traps for me everywhere and I definitely am finding that even after a week my clothes are quite as tight. My mind is playing little tricks on me like saying I am tired because Im not eating enough which is rubbish - Im eating heaps just not entire packets of Jatz in one go. (LOL).
Keeping my fingers crossed anyway.
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Small steps matter

Went over my points yesterday. I have one of those electronic point calculators which I find really helpful so I actually checked the points of what I was eating rather than just accepting that bread roll = 2 points.

The breadroll was actually 2.5 and that Ski DLite yoghurt I had was actually 3 points so not very lite at all. With a few adjustments only went 0.5 over but still it was a bit sobering. Anyway still have points saved which absorbs tiny hiccups like this and I may or may not use them this week. I know I cant carrry over points saved to next week.

Went to folk art last night and that is usually my downfall because there are always lots of bikkies there but for once I was good. I took my own skim milk and sweeteners for the first cuppa and the second I had herbal tea. That lifted me a bit because it showed me that I could do it if I tried and it wasnt that hard.

Good news - I found my prescription sunglasses last night. Had been missing for 5 days and I had turned the house upside down, empty my bags a number of times, searched work and asked at the gym all to no avail. Had even made an appointment to get my eyes tested again (nearly time for my two yearly checkup anyway) and get new ones but when I picked up my folk art basket last night there they were, hiding underneath. Such a good feeling to find them.

Finished my elves last night and Pen is going to varnish them for us because they are going to sit outside in pots and needed to be varnished in marine varnish. Found a pattern for some santa ornaments that I can paint for my girlfriends this year now that I have finished the angel set that I have given them for the last, must be, 6 years. Pen's husband will cut out the shapes for me. Plus we decided to paint a deep tray with a series of santas on it as our other christmas project. Just have to find one now or something similar.

Finally, vale Rosa Parks - a strong woman whose innate dignity and sense of freedom ignited a movement 50 years ago. May she rest in a paradise where colour doesnt matter. Small steps matter.

Blessed

Looking out my window at work I can see that I work in one of the most beautiful environments imaginable. I work in a national park and my office looks out onto water and grassy picnic areas. While this place is fairly chaotic during the weekends it is peaceful most of the time on weekdays. No matter what the weather or what the time of year it is a special place. When I first came to work here it was a fairly dank and cold building but over the years lots of changes have been made and it is now very very comfortable. We are only a small team but get on very well - they are like a second family to me and we often share our woes as well as our triumphs.

For some reason I feel really happy at the moment. Except for a brief run-in yesterday with DS who is constantly crying poor but seems to have lots of money for what he really wants to do (I call him a sunshine sucker) I had a great day.

Yesterday was my sisters birthday. This is her last year in the 50's. Its funny I dont feel old and neither does she. I guess as long as we are young in our minds, and our bodies can keep up, it doesnt matter how old we are. She is a bit of a worry though - she is only little and has put on a lot of weight over the last five years. Dangerous weight too. But I cant push too hard for her to lose it or she gets prickly (as I probably would too if someone was telliing me something I didnt want to hear). Anyway we are having lunch with her and her partner on Sunday for her birthday.

Kept to my diet yesterday very well. Was tired last night but other than that I was fine. My gym session was a bit of a strain but I did it and felt better for having done it. Drank more water too - must have nearly drank mandatory 2 litres.

Thought I had to go to the rheumatologist this morning and was having a bit of a sleep in when I realised that the appointment is next Tuesday. Much panic and rushing to get up and back on track so I could get to work but managed it somehow. My memory is a bit of a worry and also the fact that I forget to check my diary.

Oh yes, and I seem to have forgotten the new movement that we learnt at Tai Chi on Saturday. We are told to practise it within half an hour of getting home on Saturday for that very reason.

Had breakfast out on the deck with DD (who I think was still half asleep). Such a beautiful morning - I think I love this time of year for the mornings. I love autumn too for the cool nights and beautiful days.

Daylight saving this weekend - not sure if I am looking forward to it. I seemed to be tired for the 6 months it runs as if my body clock never adjusts. Will see if there is a change with my new healthy lifestyle.
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Getting Started

Drinks with friends last night was not as successful as I had hoped but I didnt do as badly as I usually do. Took my really small wine glass with me which caused much hilarity, drank 3 glasses of wine rather than the one I had planned, and two small bottles of diet lemon, lime and bitters. Tried some bruschetta, ate some almonds and sampled a dip and that was it. Reduced my dinner intake when I got home and still came when I totalled up my tracker one point under. So even though I was a bit disappointed with not being in complete control (I really am a control freak) it wasnt too bad.

My aim this week is to cut down on the amount of tea and coffee I drink replacing it with herbal teas - peppermint, chamomile, dreamtime and one I have just tried - raspberry and peach. It is really yum. Hopefully there will not be too much withdrawal problems and Im not cutting tea and coffee out completely.

One of Dr Peeke's hints for Week One (http://health.discovery.com/centers/nutritionfitness/program/tips) is "Watch out for perfectionism. That's not the goal. It's all about consistency. STrive for achieving your goals about 80 percent of the time. Some days you'll be 100 percent and others 50 percent. This aim is to average 80 percent. That's what most successful people do."

I guess yesterday was a 50 percent day but today is going to be a 100 percent day. Yah!

My other aim this week is to get my pedometer activated. Even though I cant walk very much (roll on operation) at the moment without a great deal of pain I want to start keeping a count of how many steps I do walk a day with the view of joining a walking challenge when I can walk in January.

DH finished laundry (except a power point needs moving) and it looks so good. He worked like a little trojan on the weekend and I really appreciated it. The lawns and edges all look great too especially after the rain we have had lately. I managed to deadhead the roses and pull out all the forget-me-knots and primulas that had gone to seed and were looking ratty.

All in all a good weekend all round.
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The sun is shining today, there is a lovely breeze stirring the curtains and jazz is playing on the CD player. All in all a wonderful day.

Day two (this is tedious but I know it will pass) went well. Saved some points and today is going just as well. If I find I am getting hungry I try to drink water hence I am travelling everywhere even at home with a water bottle.

DH is reorganising my laundry for me and it looks great. More shelves and he is having fun using his router. He has more plans yet. I think I may try tiling the walls - note to self: look up community college and see if there are any classes locally.

Trying to get DD to do her invitations to her 21st but she has swanned off to the beach. Might be a very small guest list if she doesnt pull her finger out.

Mum rang yesterday, all sweetness and light. I dont know whether she forgets the cruel and needless things she says or whether she chooses to ignore them. Anyway she overstepped the mark by a long way last Sunday and I dont think I will let this one slide.

My foot is really sore today - had to go shopping for girlfriends 50th birthday present and I was really hobbling. Will put my sneakers on with the othotics and that will help.

Must update my tracker - what a wonderful spreadsheet and great tool. Am trying to track this time religously.

Drinks tonight with friends (happens every Sunday night) will be a challenge. Will try to limit myself to one wine and then diet soft drink and home early. Am going to take salsa and vegies with me to nibble on. That's the plan anyway.
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A Light Bulb Moment

Well Day one was okay. Managed to stay within the point range (20 + 2.5 for exercise) even with going out to dinner. We went to Chinese but couldnt have what was on the diet so substituted (forgot my eating out guide) but miscalculated a bit but it wasnt too bad.

Day Two has been okay so far but I had a bit of a light bulb moment today at tai chi. Learning tai chi takes a long time - you learn a small part of a movement every week and practise that for the week and then learn another small part next week. I guess in 9 weeks I will know a complete movement.

The light bulb moment was weight loss is a bit like that. A small bit every week and finally the goal, end result etc. etc. Maybe I can link the two - learn the movement and lose weight.

Almost forgot my weight is 71.3kg. Will change myticker when I can find Margaret's instructions.

I am very excited about this but I suppose everyone is when they first start.
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:o)

Miss Piggy ride again

Funny thing happened yesterday. After I decided that I will return, more or less, to weight watchers and that I will weigh and measure Thursday nights at 6:30 pm - it was as if ... okay Ive got a couple of days to pig out before I start starving myself.
I know that "starving" myself is not true, I think I am an intelligent woman, but heavens, this is what I have to fight against.

I ate so much yesterday that I was quite unwell last night. I think that this is some kind of disease ... or just plain stupidity.

Anyway, I will try to curb my eating today and just prepare myself for the start tomorrow of my new "live-it" plan.

I have so much to be grateful for - this is not a huge problem - it is a small hiccup that I will overcome.

Watch out world - here I come!
:o)

Have just about decided to return to Weight Watchers. There is a meeting on Thursday nights at 6:30 which I could rearrange a few things to get to. Or should I just get the books out and do it myself and put the $15.00 a week in a reward fund. Oh decisions decisions.

Found a great website Discovery Health.com thanks to Slim Suzy. There was a section "Getting Started Journaling" which asked you to complete the following phrases:

I am eager to .... live the healthiest life I can live.

I doubt myself when .... I fall off the diet wagon yet again.

I feel powerful when ... I achieve one of my goals.

I'm proud of myself because .... I have a good relationship with my two adult children and my wonderful husband.

My 10 favourite things are ... white oriental lillies, afternoon sunlight through trees, smell of bush after rain, walking along beach in winter, family, Lucy my dog, my home, visiting Kiama in February, visiting Hunter Valley in July, Sydney.

I am most grateful for ... my husband.

I can simplify my life by living without ... stress and clutter.

I feel my mission in life is to ... live the best life I can, be there for my children when and if they need me and make my husband's life as easy and stressfree as possible because he does the same for me.

In my wildest dreams ... I couldnt have imagined being married for over 30 years to someone who helps keep me sane and loves me for unknown reasons.

I believe in myself because ... because I am the only one who has to.

Also on this website was Dr Peeke's 12-Week Weight-Loss Program which has lots of good hints which I will incorporate in my week by week weight loss challenge to get to DD 21st in early December.

Well, onwards and upward from tomorrow. Either way I will weigh in tomorrow night at 6:30 pm, take measurements and post them here tomorrow night as a record I can look back on. As I've been typing this I think I have decided that I will put the money aside for me - maybe a new dress for the party or hairdo or eyelash tint ... whatever it will be a reward.
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Binge Hour or Two

Practised my t'ai chi this morning. Did the small movement over until I felt that I was doing it the way Jorge wanted us to do it. He mentioned on Saturday, that if we keep practising it eventually will become just a normal part of what we do, like driving a car it will become automatic and we can do it without thinking. I liked that analagy.

Went well today until this afternoon. That terrible time between getting home from work/gym and dinner. Something I am going to have to work hard at. I hate myself when I give in to the cravings because it is not hunger just my mind. So what to do. Will check out the weight watchers forums for ways to help combat this. I know they will have ways to help me.

Family is being combative tonight. Dont know what gets into them sometimes. Oh well, they will get over it I guess.

A New Goal & Trouble Brewing

It hit me like a lightening bolt last night - I really do have a goal for losing this extra weight. DD 21st birthday! So I dont spend the night dodging cameras because I know that I will turn out looking extremely overweight in every photo. I dont know why, because Im not that overweight but it happens every time. Anyway, I have about 6 weeks to lose 6 kilos. So here goes and lets hope I can buy a really nice dress to wear on the night.

Plus a bonus will be that there will be less weight to carry around on crutches after my foot operation.

Trouble is brewing again in my family. I dont know what is wrong with them - they can be very underhanded at times. Mum rang this morning, again really early, and left a message with DH that I had gotten rid of her for Christmas as she was going to my sister in Queensland even though it will be very hot and she is not sure how to get to the airport. Anyway eldest sister (ES) didnt have the politeness to tell me what was going on before she spoke to Mum, so I guess Mum is feeling cross at the moment. Will ring her later and try to sort it out without too many repercussions. I feel I have to start standing up for myself as diplomaticly as I can.

Good luck to me:)

In the Cloud

Well T'ai Chi was an eye opener. All done standing - no sitting which was a bit of test for the old foot but in spite of that really enjoyed it. Only learnt a small part of a movement and will have to practice it for the next week. I think it was called the Cloud movement - not sure. Slept in so missed breakfastbecause I didnt want to be late for first class but had some yoghurt and fruit at the gym before pilates so it all worked out. They assure me that the yoghurt is low fat but it tastes too good.

DH and I went last night to look at venue for daughters 21st. Really think it is going to be good. Near the station and lots of atmosphere. Just have to get the invites out now and decide on food and music.

Food intake progressing well today. Had yoghurt for lunch and then smoked salmon and a bagel for lunch.

Had a small bet in the Caulfield Cup. Only a trifecta and a boxed quinella but only one horse got up so missed out but it gave me something to cheer for when everyone was watching it.

Finally caught up on some paperwork at home so my desk it looking really good. I find I dont operate well in chaos - it effects me somehow and makes me depressed and unhappy. So some order is good.

DH played golf today but he really shouldnt as it puts him in a bad mood. Heard the same old record today - "I'm never playing again". Sure sure.

Finally a quiet weekend - looking forward to an early night.

To Weight Watch or not to Weight Watch

Doing this from work today and now holidays have finished I dont seem to have a lot of time.

Managed to keep to my diet yesterday without too much sabotaging. Just a small pack of fruit and nuts as a mid afternoon snack and a glass of red pre dinner last night when hubbie got home from work.

Now for the bad news, hopped on the scales this morning and there has been a weight gain. Not surprising really as I have been a bit of a loose cannon lately. Will have to change my ticker when I remember how to do it.

Trying to decide whether to start going to Weight Watchers again either by going to meetings or joining the at home program, or since I have all the books just doing it at home - but I dont think it is quite the same.

Now spring is here, I really am missing walking especially in the morning. I am still trying to go to the gym three time a week plus tomorrow I start t'ai chi which I am really nervous about but looking forward to. Hope I dont make a fool of myself too much. After that back for my normal pilates class.

Quiet weekend ahead which I am looking forward to for a change and the weather bureau has promised some rain which the gardens need badly.

Bad vibes

News about foot was not good. Needs to be operated on and am very depressed. Means four weeks on crutches.

Am actually considering going back to weight watchers starting tonight. There is a meeting at 6.30 but I know what I have to do - Ive got the tools and information - why cant I do it myself? Have posted on a forum this question.

Oh well. Im not up today so should not bother with this at the moment. Dont even want to go to movies with friends. Need to get back on track - probably need some evening primrose oil. Off I go to get it.

Tomorrow will be better.