Part of an email from a friend that I wish for my friends or fiends

True Friendship... SCOTTISH STYLE!!
(None of that Sissy sh1te)
Are ye tired o those pish weak 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here are a series o promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cute wee smiley faces on this card .
Just the stone cold truth o a great friendship.

1. When ye are sad -- I will help you get pished and plot revenge against the bastard who made ye sad.
2. When ye are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking ye.

3. When ye smile -- I will know ye are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When ye are scared -- I will take the pish oot o you every chance I get,
until you're NOT.

5. When ye are worried -- I will tell ye stories about how much worse it could be until YE STOP WHINING!

6. When yer confused -- I will try to use only wee words.

7. When ye are sick -- Stay the f*ck away frae me until ye are well again.
I don't want whatever ye've got.

8. When ye fall, I will laugh my f*ckin heed aff at you, you clumsy arse,
.......but I'll help you up.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it tae the end.
'Why?' you may ask;
Because you are my friend.

Friendship is like pishing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to 10 o yer closest friends,
Then get depressed because ye can only think o 4 .

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I am recovering well. Stitches came out last Wednesday and new cast put on. Have it for 4 more weeks. Then back to the doctor and into the aircast boot thingey for another 4 weeks. Am able to weight bear so that has made life easier. Wont know results for sure until I can walk again to see what range of movement I will have.

Enjoy yourselves on Christmas day and will be back soon.

What I Want/Wish/Need for 2010

My wishlist begins with
Calmness – to sit and breath – Meditate daily
To Be Able to Let Go – To not be so prickly and take offence with people
To not feel threatened (not as sinister as it sounds) – to realise that I am not that important and the world will keep turning whether I am in that particular spot or not
To downsize my life - Simplify
Good health – Maybe beyond my control but I will give it a good try
To change my priorities – Not sure what this means – at the moment I want to become a hermit but I’m sure that isn’t what I really want
To keep a written journal for 365 days - No matter what
To take more photographs – to have a tangible reminder of things that delight me
To honour my body – poor broken thing that it is (pathetic isn’t it)
To clear the clutter – a daunting task and something I have wanted to do for a long time and have started in many ways but not enough

I wrote the above 2-3 weeks ago then I read an article in January's Oprah by Michelle Burford called "The Breakthrough". I could have written this article (except the African-American references) and if I was this literate, especially the beginning line "every January for 15 years I committed to a different weight loss scheme....". She has an "If-I-Do-Just-Two-Things-This-Year List. Small steps - only a couple such as last year her steps were completing five jumping jacks and having one tablespoon of flaxseed everyday. By mid year she felt confident enough to start powerwalking. She has saved a lot of money in transportation costs but she has also lost 40 pounds and 5 inches off her middle. Her cholesterol and blood pressure are now normal. Now I dont know what her starting weight was but this article has given me a glimmer of hope and made me realise that maybe I want/wish/need too much. So this year I am going to aim at the following:

Good health: (when I can walk again - 10,000 steps a day) - reducing alcohol consumption and stop eating the food I absolutely love but which doesnt love me at all (grammar?). I have finally got off my butt and got a referral to a new rheumatologist for a second opinion. His office doesnt reopen until 11 January and I will probably have to wait months to get in to see him but as least I feel a bit more proactive now rather than sitting around watching my body deteriorate.

Even though it wasnt on the original list I may include a tablespoon of flaxseed everyday.

Hopefully during the year I can add a few more things from list but by taking the New Year Resolution pressure off and just chilling out I may achieve something.

So my dear friends, hang on - 2010 may be bumpy but it is a ride I wouldnt miss for the world. Afterall what is the alternative?

Explanation

I'll try to explain what is happening as requested.

Over a month ago and I cant remember when I started to get a condition I have since found out is called "dropped foot". Physio thought it was just that the tendon called tibialis anterior was wasted from non use. Have been working hard at improving it. About a month ago, I tried to move a table on the deck by bracing and pushing. Now this may or may not have anything to do with anything because as soon as I started I realised that it was not a smart thing to do and stopped. But, from this point on my ankle started to make a noise when I walked. Now I am not sure whether it was a noise that you can hear or just something that resonated through my body. Anyways, I knew it was probably not good.

Told the physio and he told me not to panic and worry the surgeon. Talked to friends who told me to worry so I emailed the surgeon and he rang me the same day and put me back on crutches and in the aircast until he could see me two days later just in case the prosthesis in my ankle was damaged.

Xray showed no damage to prosthesis but he could feel/hear the noise I was talking about and he was worried that a spur might be forming and that the spur could rupture the abovementioned tendon so he sent me for an ultrasound and a CT scan.
Which as previously described happened yesterday.

Got a call this morning from surgeon's office and was told I needed to come in this afternoon and see him. So off I trundled after work and evetually got into see him late this afternoon, after 6. While I was sitting in the waiting room his receptionist asked me to fill out the paper work for admittance to hospital on Monday morning. Bit of a shock. When I eventually saw the dr he explained to me about the operation which is longwinded and boring and the prognosis is not good. Dont know how long I will be in hospital for but definitely not day surgery as I was hoping for. Then 6 weeks in plaster, 4 weeks in air cast all non weightbearing and then still 2 weeks of not being about to drive. In total 3 months before I can drive again.

Think I have run the full range of emotions since 6 pm tonight. Disbelieving, angry and despairing. Another Christmas in plaster. Six weeks school holidays wasted yet again. Bloody crutches - which are difficult with the arthritis in my arms and hands and make me ache all over.

Oh and this was probably all caused by the rheumatoid arthritis and the another tendon in my foot, tibialis posterior while not ruptured is not looking good.

If you google ruptured tibialis anterior then it gives a pretty good description of what is happening if I have not explained it well.

So many things to do of the next three days. Cancel Jess's birthday dinner. Cancel other doctor appointment. Cancel hairdressers. I have to try and do all my Christmas shopping this weekend. I will have to also go to work to finalise the end of year reports and organise things for next year.

I had better go to bed and take a sleeping pill as I am starting to get angry again.

On a brighter note, Gareth is fine. Took car straight to insurance assessor and they have written it off and he will get more for it than if he traded it in. He has a hire car for a week as part of his insurance.

Signing out now. Dont know when I am back but back I will be.

This Week so far

Well had the ultrasound and ct scan done yesterday.

Not good I think. The tibialis anterior tendon has ruptured. Another operation soon if it is not too late already. Surgeon's office has rung me this morning and moved up my appointment from next Wednesday to tonight. So when I finish work (I have had so much time off lately new boss must think he has got a crock) I have to go home and pick up films and a CD from yesterday and head back down to surgeons office for meeting. At least I know the way there now and wont get lost - not like yesterday - but that is another story. How many times can I person get lost in one day and seem to cause so much havoc on the road? It was a wonder I didnt feature on the traffic report!

While talking to the doctors office this morning, son rang. On his way to credit union had had an accident and thinks he has virtually written off his car. Thankfully he is okay and so is the person he hit. He is driving his car home and we will work it out from there. I can replace his car but I cant replace him so I am grateful.

Tomorrow I am going to the funeral of my sister's partner's son. Such a waste. 32 years old and a drug and alcohol addict. Had an epiliptic fit and fell and hit his head. Massive head injuries and never regained consciousness. They turned off his life support last Thursday and he died Friday morning. P is such a lovely man and this was his only child.

Jess has lent me her GPS so that I can find the crematorium without any trouble and am not late.

I am finding that as I get older I am becoming more hesitant about driving in areas that I am not familiar with. I remember older friends going through this and could never understand it. Part of the problem for me is that Jess will drive me whenever she is available so I think that might be affecting my confidence. Anyway, not going to let this happen. I am going to buy my own GPS so I know at least where I am going and what lane I should be in.

Anyway, in case I dont get back to report on outcome of drs appt before the weekend arrives, have a great one.

Tripped and fell......

Metaphorically speaking (dont panic still upright really)

An elderly neighbour who taught both my children to swim yonks ago is moving to the Mornington Peninsula to be near her daughter as EN husband has alzheimers and has been moved to a nursing home in Victoria. EN needs the support of her daughter who lives there. So sad to see her house up for sale.

Anyway we went to a neighbourhood farewell for her last night. Guess what - drank too much and ate totally inappropriate foods. The scales this morning showed this too. Was doing so well. I am so angry with myself. I know I am supposed to think of well, what's done is done and move on, but I keep thinking how stupid I am.

First thought was, that's it - no more alcohol in December. Then I thought - I have drinks and trivia this Friday, Jess's birthday next Tuesday, etc etc etc. Okay, what I am going to try to do is this (weak willed creature that I am):

No alcohol - Monday to Thursday
Friday - Three drinks maximum (one at each event I am going to)
Saturday and Sunday - no drinks
Monday - no drinks
Tuesday - one drink with dinner
Wednesday - none
Thursday - none
Friday - we will see

Not much of a plan but the best I can do (repeating that I am very weak willed).

Saturday was so hot here that instead of trying to do all the housework that I should have done I slept..... for hours. Sunday was spent trying to catch up with everything I should have done on Saturday. I am on holidays again in 3 weeks or else I would seriously have to consider getting off this crazy merry-go-round.

Anyway back to work. Little rant has finished.

Little Ramblings

I was talking to Mark about you girls and he said, how do I know you are who you say you are. Well I suppose until I meet you I dont but somehow I do. LOL.

Well finally after a few little losses have managed a loss of 900g this week. Funnily I think it was that man of mine again who may have got through to me. He actually told me he was worried that all the weight I was putting on was adding to the strain on my joints in particular my ankle. Love him to bits - such a tactful way to say "get your act together". Trying hard to keep on the move without doing any exercise. Still trying to rest ankle until ultrasound next week. Wont see the surgeon again until following week. Please keep everything crossed for me. Anyway all those dangerous rolls around my middle are decreasing.

Nothing much else to report - work as usual and hopefully a quiet weekend coming up. I guess I should start to think about Christmas cards too. The weeks are flying by so quickly and Christmas will be upon us before we know it.
Enjoy yourselves

Procrastinator

I have been procrastinating a lot lately. Instead of getting in and doing what I have to do I put things off and then feel bad because I havent done them.

And usually when I procrastinate it involves food. Something along the lines of I wont do such-and-such now so I will sit and read the paper and eat instead.

I lost some weight this week. I know this sounds stupid but although I weighed in last night at WW and knew I had lost some weight I didnt check to see how much. Maybe this is a good thing.

Some good news on the ankle - the prosthesis is okay but the surgeon could feel/hear what I was talking about. A sort of a grinding. He thinks that maybe a spur is forming near that tendon that runs down the front of the leg and the worst scenario is that it might cause this tendon to rupture. Mind you that is the worst scenario. Anyway off in early December for an ultrasound and maybe a CT scan and then we will hopefully know what the next step is going to be.

Other than that nothing to report. Have a new little friend at work - a swamp wallaby came down to the window yesterday. He looked so cute hiding behind the ferns and peering over. By the time I got my camera out (and no I still havent worked out how to download pictures) he was off.

Sydney is hot hot hot at the moment. Sleeping is difficult and relief doesnt look like it is coming anytime soon. A lot of the state, and other states as well, are at catastrophic fire danger. Wasnt sure I was going to get into the national park to work today but the warning is standing at Severe Fire Danger so it was okay.
Summer is well and truly here. The heat is a bad but it is the humidity that is the killer.

Anyway have a great weekend, talk soon............

Not a sad post just fact

Not after sympathy just letting you know where I am at.

Home again, on crutches with foot back in boot.

Have an appointment with surgeon early tomorrow morning after xraying.

May have done something stupid to a not fully healed new ankle. Hopefully not. I am such a doofus.

C'est la vie! Onward and upward! .......and all that crap.

A Fraud

I really must do something about that photo - looks nothing like me anymore - boy have I stacked the weight on. Funny I dont see it when I look in the mirror but I definitely see it when someone sneaks a photo of me. And of course my clothes - I dont even want to think of summer at the moment.

But Lucy looks the same.

I am finding losing the weight really hard not only because of my age because it is harder to do when there is just two of you. Funny that.

Ankle is still sore - oh yes I forgot - a couple of weeks ago I got out into the garden for the first time in yonks and I may have done something silly. This is a secret at the moment from Mark as I dont want an "I told you so" coming my way. Going back to physio tomorrow so I will discuss it with Robbie. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Seems to be getting better.

Back at yoga and loving it.

Another joint is gone. The joint at the base of my left thumb has died or whatever they do. Nothing can be done (Dr P has said that before and we will wait and see). Dr suggested wearing a wrist splint to give joint some support. Lighting stove is becoming a challenge and opening doors can be tricky but honestly who cares. I can eventually see me in one of those little carts terrorising the neighbourhood.

Biopsy on mole on ankle also turned out fine.

Bathroom is finished and hopefully separate toilet will be finished next week and I can reclaim the front verandah from being a builders site. Will post pictures as soon as I work out how to download them from new camera - Wonderful birthday present from children - Mark has bought me tickets for dinner and Wicked. Must sort that out soon.

My eldest sister visited from Queensland with her partner and dog. Lovely time had by all and the beautiful daughter took us for a drive around the old 'hood so we could see what was happening. Our old house looks so sad and neglected. It wasn't a flash house but it had a lovely garden and Dad always maintained it well. I'd really like to give someone a swift kick up the kaiser. The tour culminated with lunch at Woolwich Pier Hotel. All in all a pleasant day and a pleasant visit.

Such a busy time of year and the calendar is starting to fill up. I am trying to pace things this year - not going out Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday. It just exhausts us - the weekends are meant for rest and gardening of course. Cant wait to hit the nursery to spruce up front verandah.

Anne, see you arent the only one who can ramble. Have a great weekend everyone and you are all, always in my thoughts.

Chocolat

Something I have been pondering - Last week I bought a block of Lindt chocolate - Orange Intense. Dont ask me why - I dont even particularly like dark chocolate but I do like the orange/chocolate meld thing. Every night this week since Tuesday Mark and I have had a square each after dinner. Now since Tuesday I have virtually stopped feeling nauseous all the time and I have been sleeping better. Actually we both have been sleeping better. Does dark chocolate hold some magical powers? Reminds me of one of my favourite books - Chocolat by Joanne Harris. Mystical and Magical stuff.

Some other good things -
Lost 100g (LOL - but better than putting on)
Bacterial stomach infection has gone
On at least two occasions, in the early morning, my right ankle has actually looked like an ankle and not a swollen tree stump.

Now a recap
One of my sisters came up and spent last Sunday with me which meant that I didnt get any gardening done but it was lovely to sit and chat.

My other sister, supervising the sale of Mum's house in Qld, managed the sale within one week for a really good price. Way to go! One less worry.

Gareth's cast finally off his arm. He took it off himself. Back to the snow fields this weekend not that it has stopped him snowboarding. Boys!

Think my DSLite is helping me. Either way I enjoy doing it.

The red dust day was incredible. Could not believe the sky on my way to the gym for my shower (yes I am still doing this). Mind you I think we will be cleaning up for a long while to come. The red dust just blended with the dust coming out of the bathroom. Just heard that our red dust has fallen in Auckland! We really are a sharing and caring nation.

Bathroom was waterproofed yesterday, the new ceiling has gone in, the drains are being done today and the tiling starts on Monday (I hope). Lucy needs another bath as she has turned back in to a "builders dog".

If I had just talked a little louder at WW meeting last night I might have been in trouble - the question was: What do you think of when I say Lasagne, Fish and Chips and there was something else. Everyone else was saying things like "fatty" and all I could come up with was "yum". Bad bad Julie.

Anne I can now see you on Facebook and will be able to keep in touch and comment. Anni if you have time to read this - I am so jealous and you sound like you are having a ball.

Have a great weekend everyone and take care.

A Need to Talk

I was thinking this morning how sick and fed up I feel at the moment and then I thought that I could tell you guys.

I am trying really hard to get myself back in some sort of routine eating, exercise and just living but finding it extremely hard.

Not having a bathroom is extremely hard. I know I know that in the long run it will be all worth it but I am exhausted. I feel like Mark and I are part of of tribe of nomads setting off each morning in search of a shower. So many problems have come up with the old bathroom - we have virtually replaced all the plumbing in the house because the old pipes were leaking into the internal walls and now it is just a waiting game as we wait for the bricks to dry. Luckily the builder is meticulous otherwise we could have more problems later down the road. Anyway the plumbing and taps in the laundry have been replaced, the new plumbing is installed in the bathroom, the bathroom walls have all been rerendered, the new ceiling goes in today and the floor in the bathroom is being topped. Hopefully the tiles can go on next week but we will have to see how the drying out progresses. Today it is 30 degrees so that might help with the process.

Healthwise - I am sore and aching everywhere. Not just my new ankle which is still horribly swollen. Because my blood pressure has gone up again and that medication has been increased my RA medication has been decreased and I am slowly seizing up. Maybe the BP problem is caused by my weight or lack of exercise or both. It really is a catch-22 situation. My stomach is still acting up - I go for the Urea Breath Test next Monday morning and I dont know what to expect there. The antibiotics I took 6 weeks ago were supposed to clear up the bacterial infection but who knows. (Just spoke to Mark on the phone who is worried about how I feel and his presciption is drink "real" coke - LOL).

I want my old life back!

The song that keeps running through my mind is "Mother's Little Helpers" by the Stones - "What a drag it is getting old".

Anyway - I am trying (yet again) a new approach to losing weight. I have increased my points from 18 (really not at all realistic for me - I feel deprived) to 25 and will see how that goes. If I can lose weight slowly on 25 points a day I will continue if not I will reduce it by 1 point each week - looking for the happy balance. Not the approved method but I am past worrying about it and no one needs to know except me and you.

Now some positive - I really want to do part of the Seven Bridges Walk next month with Jess. I thought I would do the part of the walk in her area in case I have a problem and we could call on her colleagues to help me if they werent busy. At the moment I cant see me even completing one stage but I did go an buy new runners on Tuesday so that I can try and break them in beforehand. (The guy at Footlocker in HOrnsby was great but people make me laugh when they see my right foot with the scarring still very much in evidence - he didnt want to lace the shoe too tightly as he was so worried he was going to hurt me.)

Anyway, I do feel better now I have spoken to you - life is such a bitch sometimes.

Today

Today I sit here in my black clothes waiting for my children to come and collect me to take me to my mother's funeral. I wish I could fit into something more colourful but I cant so black it is.

I have bought the spot in a garden at the crematorium I know she would have loved, brought her ashes back from Queensland, arranged for the plaque with a little picture of a cat on it as a reminder of her beloved Angel, the dreaded tiger cat, written my little speech as no one else wants to speak, picked the music - Time to Say Goodbye (Con Te Partiro) by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli and Somewhere over the Rainbow/A wonderful world by Israel Kam...... (cant spell or pronounce his name), organised the food for a light lunch afterwards - let me see was there anything else.

Not everyone is coming - we made a conscious decision that it would only be immediate family and the interstate branch has decided not to come. Sad but understandable. They have probably already said their goodbyes. This has been dragging on for months.

What made me post this morning was reading a post about someones Grandmother. Mum's mum was the complete opposite to Mum. She lived in South Hurstville in an old weatherboard house with an enormous chook yard, a gigantic tree (may have been oak) in the side yard with a rope swing, lots of interesting outbuildings, no inside toilet and I loved going there. I remember she used to let me eat my vegetables raw because that was the way I preferred them. I remember sitting by her coal fire listening to the radio. She was a small woman who had been married to a harsh man who was luckily gone by the time I arrived. I loved her so much and due to troubles at home I spent a lot of time with her especially in the school holidays or when I was sick. She raised rabbits too. It was only later that I realised that these little creatures that we dressed up and wheeled around in a dolls pram were destined for someones dinner table. One of the many ways she eked out her meagre existence.
I am sorry my glorious daughter never met her. I think they share the same spirit.

Anyway I am getting teary remembering a time that has long passed.

Today another chapter of that story ends - I hope my mother has found peace. I think it eluded her during her life but we all deserve a happy ending.

Good Intentions

As was once famously mentioned

“Good intentions don’t amount to a hill of beans when alcohol is involved”

4 glasses of wine
beer battered fish and chips and salad
a giant sausage roll and sauce (what was I thinking)
1 large skim milk flat white (a tiny bit of sanity)

Also there was a lot and I mean a lot of walking involved. Something that I am not supposed to do at the moment. I only just made it home – my right ankle really was a cankle or in the advanced stages of elephantitis by the time I got to bed around midnight after leaving home at 3.

There was talk of attending the rugby grandfinal in two weeks time and then doing a pub crawl back to central and then dinner. (My God - I am going to have to get new friends - I cant keep up with these ones LOL). I have let Mark know that I probably wont be going to the rugby but I will meet them for dinner minus the pub crawl if it goes ahead.

Time to grow up and slow down.

Enchanted mirrors!

Well here I am again. My rehab from ankle operation is taking up a lot of my time plus it is amazing how quickly you lose flexibility and strength spending 10 weeks in a cast so pilates three times a week is on the agenda and gradually I am clawing my way back but this is going to take a while which is frustrating the hell out of me. Wow, wasnt that a long sentence.

Anyway, about the title enchanted mirrors. I think all my mirrors at home are enchanted by a benign fairy godmother. I look into them and I think great I look okay and then I go out and sometimes it is me catching a glimpse of myself in a window or as was today in a change room at Sussan.

Doesnt look anything like me or at least the mental picture I have of myself and I really must get some sort of mirror arrangement for the back of my head, how did I leave the house with my hair looking like that at the back. When did I get so big and I really mean big. Tried on a pair of jeans in Sussans and a top and both were too small and they were the larger size than I used to wear. Left without buying and feeling dispirited.

That area around my middle which us over 50s are constantly being told to worry about is now really something worth worrying about.

So I have sat down and tried to nut out a menu for the next week which I will endeavour not to deviate from.

So, just have to get through the rugby tonight and early dinner with friends in the city and drinks with more friends tomorrow night. Lordy how am I going to do this. Weak willed lily-livered person that I am.

But maybe it will be an Oprah Aha moment for me. I know this has been building for a couple of months now but I finally think (hope) I am at the limit of my self-abuse (poor body) and will start fighting my way back and believe me it will be a fight.

A bright spot is Jess and I are going to the STitches and Craft Fair tomorrow to enlarge my hoard of material for my patchwork project and I know that she will keep me on the straight and narrow. She might be small but she is tough.

By the way an update
* Mark turned 59 yesterday and we had a lovely dinner with friends at local Vietnamese restaurant
* Gareth broke his wrist snowboarding a couple of weekends ago but you will be glad to know he has had a fibreglass cast put on so he can still go snowboarding
* Jess's police netball team came first in their netball grade and play their semifinal today
* My boss of the last 16 years retired at the end of last term
* I have a new much much younger boss now who seems lovely and is taking it slowly I think so as not to upset us oldies
* Mum is finally coming to rest at Palmdale Cemetry on Central Coast this week
* Mark talking about partially retiring in October
* Bathroom renovations started this week - finally
* I bought a new sewing machine (my first one since before I got married) and while I have not actually used it yet it is out of its box and my study has been rearranged to accommodate it.

Off to get ready for the rugby now so I hope you are all having a great weekend and I will catch up soon.

I am going to try

I am going to try and get myself back into some sort of routine while I am on holidays.

I had my first physio yesterday, nothing too strenuous. It will be three times a week for a while I think.

Went back to pilates on Saturday. Not the normal teacher, in fact not a pilates instrutor, and while it resembled pilates it really wasnt. By Sunday night I couldnt lie down on the lounge and once I did get there couldnt get back up. So so sore. Who would have thought that 10 weeks of inactivity and eating would have done so much damage. I was okay on Monday so went back for another session (glutton for punishment) and this time it was beloved instructor and lots of old friends and it went fairly smoothly although last night my pelvic floor was a bit sad and required a heatpack.

Today I am getting my hair cut. Hasnt been done for over 10 weeks so I look abit wild and woolly. Looking at the time I had better get my skates on.

Put on 10 kilos (a kilo a week) mainly through boredom and inactivity. I am going to make up a very easy gym program, mainly upper body, today so that I can feel like I am doing something.

I need new gym shoes but have only been out of the aircast and slipper for a few days and my ankle swells up quite frighteninly. I need a least one new pair of pants to wear as nothing fits. I need new comfortable shoes to wear out and about. I need to do a lot of shopping in other words but after yesterdays activities my ankle is quite sore so other than haircut am staying at home today catching up on computer work.

We are off the the Hunter this Friday for our yearly visit with friends. We will be home on Monday. I am looking forward to going and catching up with everyone but I feel so blaah at the moment I wish I didnt have to go. But as blaah happens no matter where I am I mos well be with good company.

Next week is endoscopy and colonoscopy time. Can anything else go wrong with this poor old body. No really I am fine - heaps of people worse off than me.

I have read a few blogs - googlereader tells me I have over 160 unread ones and that is not including Anne. This may take a while.

Jess gave me a lesson in facebook last night. Lots of yelling involved. I really think that I am too old for this but I will keep trying.

Have a good week - off to get ready for hairdresser - hope it lifts me!

I'm still here, sort of...

I am still here. On the mend extremely slowly. Still not driving, well only once but soon to increase. I am so freaking sick of relying on other people to get me places. That sounds really ungrateful and I'm not - just used to independence.

Still wearing the aircast, especially when I am outside but luckily not to bed anymore so sleeping is returning to normal after nearly 6 weeks of very little sleep.

I've been back to Queensland again with Jess to help clear out Mum's house. We drove there over 2 days, had 2 days of solid work, and 2 days home. It was a big wake up call and I am really going to try and get rid of stuff I no longer use. Who knows I may open an e-bay account. I know my children will certainly not want even a quarter of all the stuff I have amassed. AND it is only STUFf!

I am back at work full time as of this week. Glad to be back but am exhausted. Sooooo glad it is Friday.

My final visit with surgeon just over 2 weeks ago scared the s**t out of me. The operation went well but it will take me 12 months to recover and for the bone to grow around the space invader that now lives where my ankle joint used to be. The wound is not healing which is a worry and the rheumatologist took me off my arthritis medication this week because it might be the cause of the slow healing. Hopefully I can start physio in a couple of weeks. I walk like a penguin.

Havent been to pilates, yoga or the gym in two months.

I havent been visiting blogs and I dread to think what my google reader account looks like. Probably about to explode. Holidays are only two weeks away and I will definitely devote a lot of time to dear blends (as Zanna calls them).

Oh new King lounge arrived two weeks ago. It is so comfortable and there is always a fight for the prime spot. Because of all the rain, the new bathroom is still a month away. Should be nice and cold by then. Mark wont let me organise any other projects till this is done and it is going so slowly it is driving me loopy.

I saw the other night that Costco is opening in Australia soon (Melbourne somewhere). I have read about this store on US blogs. Looks very interesting but I fear it will be like Aldi and Bunnings to me - it is too hard to find things so I dont bother.

OK, dragging my crippled self back into my warm cave where I will hibernate for a bit longer. This whinge is officially finished now.

Love to you special people and thanks for the emails.

I am my best person...

This week I was lucky enough to catch up with the second appearance of Elizabeth Gilbert on Oprah. She has moved back to the United States with Phillipe and lives in New Jersey now and is working on her new book about marriage.

I am sure everyone knows that she is the author of that wonderful book Eat Pray Love about the journey she took after several failed relationships. This book still sits in my bedside table and although I havent read it for a while the fact that it is there to be picked up when needed is comforting.

She said on the show the following:
"I am my best person when I have less on my plate"

This struck home with me - I am sure I am a much nicer person when I am not so busy/frantic etc. When I can take the time to meditate (and I am not good at it as I have a grasshopper mind), to stop and reflect, to let things go, to not worry over things I cannot change.

I am so looking forward to the movie of Eat Love and Pray that will star Julia Roberts as Elizabeth. I think it is down for release next year, I can only hope.

There is a Borders bookclub interview at here.

On a different topic but still related somehow, the decluttering is progressing slowly and the opening up of space in the house is quite liberating. Still a lot to do but I am moving forward at last, a direction for which I am so grateful.

Moving on

Life is slowly returning to normal.

Went back to work yesterday and was totally exhausted by the time I got home. Jess took me as I still cant drive and she brought me home, went to the pet shop for me, bought me Milo (secret weapon in fight against no sleep) and finally took me to the doctors. Luckily Mark out at a work dinner which I had opted out of so it was a quick dinner of leftovers and then to bed. Took half a sleeping tablet and for a change had a okay nights sleep. Dont remember him coming home although apparently I had a conversation with him.

I am working two days a week for the next three weeks and then I think I will have to go back to Queensland to sort out Mum's house. Trying to co-ordinate 4 other busy women so that we can all do it together is giving me a headache. This afternoon Mark, being her executor, has gone to the solicitors, who luckily are on the central coast. I think this is going to be a lengthy procedure. I am off to memorial park next Wednesday to pick out her final resting place for when we bring her back to NSW. Put her death notice into the Sydney papers. My little brain is starting to explode. It hasnt had to think this much in 4 weeks.

My job is to keep the peace between sisters and a slightly aggressive niece who told me last night (hopefully jokingly) that I was no longer her favourite aunt because I was too nice! Niggling is starting already. God give me strength.

Mum

Mum died yesterday. She slipped quietly away, never regaining consciousness. Just the way she wanted to go. No pain.

She was a difficult mother. A troublemaker, always stirring things up, she could be vicious and mean but she was still my mother. Perhaps not the mother I would have wished for but perhaps I was not the daughter she wished for. None of us were. It was not in my nature to let her ride roughshod over me or mine but in her own way I think she loved me.

She grew up in the difficult times of the depression. Dirt poor, with a father who took to the road and didnt provide for the family and I am sure this moulded her into what she became. Who knows.

My children's last grandparent has gone. An era has ended. I am grateful that Jess took me to Queensland the week before last to say goodbye. I know now that if I had not gone I would have regretted it for ever.

My eldest sister said that her face was so peaceful the last few days. I hope she is happy wherever she is. That she has found peace and contentment finally.

Nightmare or Bad Dream

My sleep was woken this morning by Jess's usual good morning phone call but she woke me from a bad dream. A perceived threat. It had something to do with blogging, friends and work. It left me with a strange and uncomfortable feeling - very unsettled.

I know I had been thinking about my blogroll and the number of people who dont blog anymore. I will really have to do some housekeeping soon.

Which leads me to another interesting fact. I signed up for facebook recently so that I could submit an article about, you guessed it, Lucy the Wonderdog. All very strange and scary but an interesting thing happened - a lot of people I know personally or used to know through blogs are doing or have done facebook. Their pages came up when I initially signed in. Not sure that I am going to follow this up as I feel I spend far too much time wasting on the computer as it is but I found it interesting.

The weather here is perfect for staying in bed lately. Torrential rain and a bit blowy (sorry for people who are out and about in it).

Today I am going to do the washing (see how exciting my life has become LOL). Of course I cant hang it out: a) it's raining and b) I cant get it down to the clothes line but I will have it washed and ready for DH to deal with when he comes home.

Oh well its midday and I must have a shower and then settle in to watch Ellen and Oprah and may even get my embroidery out today.

Life doesnt get anymore exciting than this - no I really mean it, it doesnt!

What's Happening

I am slowly trying to teach myself to walk again. Still use both crutches sometimes, still have the aircast on but sometimes I only use one crutch like a cane or in moments of sheer daredevilishness no crutches.

Still not sleeping well but at least do not wander the house as much at night.

Have decided that I am going back to work next week for two days. At least that is the plan and I will see how I go the first day. Have to work out how I am going to get there as I still cant drive.

Mum is being moved into palliative care wing in hospital. She has been in a room in the normal part of the hospital under palliative care but as this room in an acute response room it is needed for others. She spends a lot of her time sleeping now but she is hanging in there. As her doctor says "a tough old bird".

My sisters went to see the funeral directors yesterday before my middle sister (MS) flew home. We are going to bring her ashes back to NSW as requested. MS dropped in on way home from the airport and stayed for dinner so that they missed the peakhour traffic. Lovely night.

But still I'm not sleeping and it is driving me batty. Actually I probably am sleeping but just dozing and waking a lot.

New armchairs that I have ordered from Freedom are being delivered on Saturday week. They have been trying to deliver them for a while but with me being in hospital and then having to fly to Brisbane it has been impossible. Council clean up is the same weekend so it should work out okay.

Builder dropped in on Sunday to apologize for not starting the bathroom on time but really it is easier for me that it hasnt started. New date in a months time and by them I should be up and going again.

Am finally having a shower when I want to and not when there is someone around in case I have an accident. Mind you have to check in with daughter when I am going to have said shower and when I have finished. A brief look to life in the future.

Life is not terribly interesting when confined to home but I enjoy reading blogs. Off to attempt to make myself a cup of coffee. Have a good day.

Autumn weather and other things

Driving to Chatswood today through perfect Autumn weather - gorgeous soft mellow sunshine and the beautiful autumn leaves swirling around the car - made me realise how long it has been since I have actually been out of the house. My life for the last 10 days has been housebound. Tomorrow I will go out onto the deck and try and soak up some autumn weather - cant believe I am missing my favourite season.

Went to the surgeon today and he took the plaster cast off and the stitches out. The stitches hurt so much. I sat there with my jumper over my head, whimpering and my gorgeous boy hugging me. My foot is now in an "air cast" (ski boot type of thing) for the next 4 weeks. I thought I might be able to take it off at night but he said no. Only time I can take it off is for a shower and even then I have to sit. Bugger, I hate having things on my feet at night. I like cold feet not warm feet. Oh well four weeks of very little sleep I guess. It is now up to me when I ditch the crutches but probably not for another two weeks. Sigh.

Problems with Mum. She has apparently recently given all her jewellery to a cousin for "safe keeping" but when contacted said cousin said no Mum gave her the jewellery. Some people are so sad. Preying on old people should be outlawed.

Will give my eldest sister a ring tonight to find out what is happening. May fly to Brisbane later in the week but it all seems so morbid.

Hope your Wednesday was uneventful.

A new week

I've moved my laptop back into my study. No more bed blogging.

I'm daydreaming out the window - dark skies, sun's out but I know it is cold out there, green trees and bushes, noisy miners bickering on the deck, Lucy asleep on my bed because I have left the electric blanket on in case I have to go back to bed suddenly.

I had to laugh yesterday, Mark was absolutely exhausted after cooking dinner and lunch and doing all the ironing and putting all the washing away and cleaning up the kitchen. It was all I could do to not say "welcome to my world" but I didn't because I really appreciate what he is trying to do.

Jess is not working today and I am so looking forward to her visit. She always explodes onto the scene. Her entrances are always dramatic and make me laugh. She is like some little wild kitten, completely untamed. She will probably arrive bearing coffee (or she had just introduced me to vanilla chai skim latte which tastes too sweet to be good for my weight) and anything else that she thinks I might need. Actually while I love the coffee her presence is enough. I am so blessed to have her.

The nights are hardest although yesterday there were a few bumps during the day. You may have heard of the term "busy legs" (my doctor's term). I think only women in menopause have it. My definition is that when I am lying down, or even sometimes when I am sitting, I cannot keep my legs still. They have to be on the move all the time. Doesn't that conjure up a mad picture! Usually a dose of magnesium clears this up but it doesn't seem to be working at the moment and so I spend all night trying not to wake Mark and trying to get comfortable. Not conducive to a good nights sleep for anyone. If anyone has any other remedies I would appreciate it. This all might end on Wednesday when the plaster and stitches are removed. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Two more attempted sleeps!

Got my Rudd money the other day. Whoo hoo. Am going to buy a sewing machine. Nothing flash just for repairs and patchwork. I have a friend who is willing to teach me patchwork so this will be one of my aims this year. Something to keep my hands occupied. Oh, and knitting but I am kind of scared of knitting (ridiculous isn't it?).

Hope today travels well for you all. I'm off to iTunes to look up a calming mantra I read about on another blog. Music sometimes helps me as does yoga and breathing but as I said at the moment nothing is working.

Whingey semi-bad patient

Believe it or not I am over being unable to walk and I have run out of pain killers and think that I am now suffering withdrawal symptons. Damn damn damn

Sick of being in bed, sick of sitting, sick of the effort of having a shower exhausting me.

Now I am going to be really unPC. I am tired of people visiting me. I cant do this. I am tired and while I love them all I have had to get out of my comfort zone twice in the past two days to have meals with friends.

Anyway..............

Happy Mothers Day to you all. Or Godmothers day or what a great aunt day. You all deserve to be fussed over as you are raising or helping to raise a generation of incredible children and grandchildren.

Gareth has arrived with another pandora charm and I know Jess will bring the same when she finishes work. My bracelets are filling up, each a wonderful memory of who and when it was given to me. Not the super expensive charms just charms that mean something to my beautiful children.

I'm back

Well here I am. Bed bound but still here. The operation went well apparently. I can weight-bear on ankle with crutches. Painful but not too bad. Spent the first three days with a morphine drip and now am on endone and digesics which I am trying to decrease. Spend a lot of time being nauseous which means I am not eating much. Have discovered Mark is not a great carer. He rings me and asks me what's for dinner? Hello, I am in bed, nauseous, havent a clue what is left in freezer and couldnt care if I ate again at the moment. The questions I am being asked a sigh-worthy like, where are the vases? the milk carton is leaking what should I tip the milk into? Good god he is a grown man who I may have spoiled a little. He has no concept of what I am going through I dont think. Oh enough whinging.

Thank goodness Jess called in yesterday on her way home from work. She bought me coffee, I could have my shower and she stayed for dinner and put her father back into a good mood. She really is a ray of sunshine most of the time.

Back to see surgeon next Wednesday. Which seems really quick to me.

My mum has a form of leukemia prevalent in the elderly which is getting worse. She has returned to hospital yesterday and it looks like she will not be coming back home again. But she is a tough old bird so who knows.

Tiredness setting in. I have nearly read all the blogs but may not have commented. Zanna I am sure we have been sisters somewhere along the road and I will answer your tag as soon as I am able to.

Have a good day.

Last post (not literally)

Well this will probably be my last post until after operation (God this has been a long time coming).

Returned to work on Tuesday for four days (1 day to go) and has it been hard getting there. On Tuesday I got up at 6, Wednesday, 6.15 and today 6.30. It is so hard but I am past caring and once I get there I am fine. It has kept my mind off the pain and, even though I thought everything was uptodate I have been so busy.

Yesterday, when I went for my monthly blood test I happened to meet Jess for coffee near the Freedom Home store and bit the bullet and ordered the two ivory leather armchairs that I have been coveting for so long. Sent Mark an email so that he has a few days to think about it before I see him.

He will be home tomorrow. Lucy and I have missed him so much. Got an email this morning (not sure whether it was his time or my time) saying he was in London awaiting his flight home via Bangkok. They had better not off load him.

Gareth rang today to tell me how awesome (his words) he is. Just got his latest uni assessment/assignment back and he got a high distinction. Both the kids have got their rudd money or as they put it "have been stimulated". Jess is heading to IKEA to buy new furniture for her home office.

Not a lot to say today. Boring things to do like ironing, tidying house etc and early to bed.

Have a great weekend and keep your fingers crossed for me.

Secret

Jess doesnt want me to mention it to anybody until after I see if I get through this wedding tomorrow but my operation is scheduled for Saturday 2nd May as long as I dont have anymore blisters etc.

Visit to doctor a success.

This parking permit I have for 6 months is proving a godsend. Jess was able to park, in Chatswood (very very busy) virtually outside his building. It was also unlimited which is always good because doctors dont run on time.

I have just tried on my ski-boot thingy to wear tomorrow to protect my foot. I will look ridiculous but who cares. This is more important. If I could get out of going to the wedding I would because it is going to be a difficult day with taxis (on Anzac Day!), boats - getting on and off and a wedding party where I will have to sit (strictly no dancing allowed).

Had trouble finding something that fits me anymore because over the past two weeks I have blobbed out. Virtually no exercise and eating pretty much everything. Strange but I am looking forward to returning to my normal life hopefully within the month.

One more week before operation, two weeks in plaster and four weeks in my ski boot for real. At this stage the surgeon said I will be able to weight bear which I know means not walking the dog but hopefully means some movement.

Since all the children have sort of left home (visit often) I downgraded our internet because I thought we didnt need to have so much download stuff. Big mistake. Forgot Mark works from home and I have been visiting lots of those 'Britain you've got talent' sites lately and we have run out of download and are at dialup speed again. How did we ever put up with the slowness. Fought my way back onto the internet and upgraded again but it takes 24 hours. All should be back to normal soon thank goodness.

House is starting to look so good and clean. Study was a challenge and have not really resolved it but it looks better except I've just noticed the windowsill. Today is finishing the lounge and dining room which has proved bigger than I expected and maybe moving on to the family room.

Mark is supposed to ring up and order the new lounge for family room today so everybody keep your fingers crossed that he remembers/has time. If it had have been up to me this lounge would have been ordered in February but sometimes we have to step back and let our other half make a very expensive decision.

Have a great day.

Where Do I start?

Am sitting in my study wondering where to start with the decluttering and cleaning.
How on earth did I manage to accumulate so much paper, books, magazines and craft stuff.
This must be the worst room in my house.
Feeling swamped and ready to give up before I start.
Or it could just be the weather and/or pain level.
Oh well, as my daughter says "pump up princess".
Time to start but maybe a cup of tea first.

Just another Tuesday

Am posting late today because woke up very very late after Mark went to work. Lots of pain but found some stronger digesics which seem to have taken the edge of it.

Pain maybe coming from yesterdays Pilates but I doubt it. Dont extend myself too much at the moment and Deb watches me like a hawk to make sure I am okay. She teaches the Menezes method and I have sent away for a DVD of this type of pilates so that I can keep doing it while I hopefully am recuperating - soon.

No word yet. Still tentatively booked for 2nd May.

Talked to the person I have decided to be my personal trainer as soon as the gym lets her have that position. We get on really really well and she knows all about me and is going to work out a rehabilitation program when she is officially a PT. I was going to wait until the gym offered a special on PTs but have decided that as soon as I am able to I am going to recommence exercising. I miss it soooo much.

Gave myself a quick kick up the backside today. I have been letting things slide lately (secretly hoping that someone will pick up the slack) but got in today and vacuumed and dusted our bedroom and the guest room. Moved furniture (dont tell anyone or I could be in big trouble), pulled things out from under the bed etc. Have a huge stack of stuff to go out in council cleanup at the end of the next month. The decluttering is starting to work.

I am wasting time while tonights Biggest Loser records. I cant stand watching it in live time with all the recapping and ads. So I record it and then fast forward. I must admit that this year's bunch are quite nice. Must have been hard for the scriptwriters to drum up any "shock horrors". I suppose Tiff and Bob have been my favourites. The thing I cant stand is the tears but I suppose it must be emotional to be away from loved ones for that long.

Mark is still at work and probably wont be home for another hour or so. He works incredibly long hours either at work or at home. The joys of dealing with people on the other side of the world. He is off to Toulouse on Sunday but will hopefully be home the following Friday.

It is still raining here but not as much. Bad accident at lunchtime on the F3. Truck driver killed. Heard all the sirens, then a police car went down the street and then a helicopter was hovering overhead. Thought something was wrong but not sure what so locked the doors (usually when helicopters are that low they are looking for someone). Jess rang so I asked her what was happening as there had been nothing on the radio and she checked and rang me back with news about the accident. Thought it was cute that I had locked all the doors. I guess I will be show and tell at the station tonight.

I'm off to the nursery tomorrow to buy some more plants to replace 3 that insisted on dying.

Hope you all had a good day today.

Another week

We had a good weekend. Friday night was a spur of the moment dinner with friends. Steamed barra, small roasted potatoes and steamed greens and homemade tartare sauce. It was the nices meal I have had for a while.

Saturday I was going to try and get to pilates but Jess needed a new tyre on her car and for some reason was stressing out about having to do organise it. I dont understand her sometimes. Anyway visited one tyre shop and they didnt have it in stock but gave her a price and then came home and I rang around until I found the best price and who also had it in stock. Made appointment for Saturday morning before pilates thinking this wont take long. An hour and a half, two new tyres and a wheel alignment later all thoughts of pilates had disappeared. Oh, and I also paid for them as this was not in her budget. She is good with her budgetting so suggested she might see what she could put away for car maintenance in future.

Went to the rugby on Saturday night. Another lacklustre game. I dont know whether it is the new rules or what but Super 14 rugby is appalling and boring. I cant believe that I made the effort and trust me it was a big effort considering the state of my ankle to go and watch them again but I have decided that we are going to save ourselves $600 odd dollars next year and not bother. We can watch it on TV in the comfort of our own home.

Because of all the unwanted exercise I spent yesterday in bed. And it was a great day to spend in bed too. Raining and blowy. Actually I can hear the rain hitting the deck roof now but unfortunately I have things to do today. So up the painkillers and off I go. Might just finish my rereading of an old favourite book first.

Winter seems to have finally thought about arriving here although it is not that cold. Might dig out the long sleeved tshirts today.

Have a marvellous Monday.

Best not talk about it

Went to weight watchers last night. Recorded loss of 100g but I manipulated the figures. I usually wear my sneakers but I wore thongs instead. I have probably put weight on but we wont talk about that. I miss exercising so much especially now that the weather has turned autumnal (that may be a made up word).

Last night was not a good night food wise again and the wine wagon fell on me again. I am either going to have to go to bed at 7 or work out a strategy to get me through this time of night. Suggestions welcomed.

My google reader count is steadily going down. It was up to a massive 198 but now down to well under 100. The only thing that stops me is that it keeps playing up and signing me out so after a while I give up for the day.

A friend called in yesterday and I was talking about my efforts to reduce the number of magazines lying around the house and how I didnt seem to be able to just recycle them. I had to flick through them again and pull out recipes, hints etc that "might come in handy". I am going to have to now go through this pile again too as it is growing quite large. She was the same but she also said that it had dawned on her that she could probably find a recipe on the internet so why was she clipping recipes. Good point.

I emailed the builder about the extra project we wanted done. His wife said he was lying in the corner of the room in a foetal position sobbing. Apparently he has more work than he needs which is great for him but not so good for me. I may have to kidnap him.

Spoke to my resident handyman about changing my study around and lowering benches. Seems willing to comply. Of course I would like it to happen this weekend but I think I have Buckleys. I have decided that I have just about finished folkarting. I have a couple of projects to finish and that will be that but I dont want to give up the group. So I may take my embroidery with me sometime and just sit and sip tea, sew and chat.

Further jobs accomplished yesterday - glass jars to pickle lady at local markets, box of surplus mugs to Lifeline and clothes that had been bagged and dumped in lounge room months ago finally sent to charity bins and of course, more mags disposed of.

Another beautiful day here - planning gym session with the weights and grocery shopping and coffee with Jess. She is working at the Show this afternoon. Pilates tomorrow morning (new instructor) and rugby tomorrow night.

Have a good weekend.

Cold roast potatoes with spicy tomato sauce....

Cold roast potatoes with spicy tomato sauce, 2 slices of pumpkin seed bread, orange slice and shortbread cream. Yesterday or more importantly from 6 pm onwards was not a good day and my stomach didn't think so either. Am still paying for these indiscretions. Enough said!

Went back to GP. She couldn't believe what had happened to me. Quite comical now. Results of monthly blood test show that I am anemic (although I was taking 2 iron tablets a day), low sodium and low protein levels. Have to eat more protein because protein reduces swelling apparently and have to get my iron levels back up somehow or I may need a blood transfusion when I eventually make the operating theatre.

Actually got into the garden for a little while yesterday. Just doing some judicious pruning. Not sure whether it is the right time to be doing it but looks tidier.

Visited the gym. Just did strength training - upper body plus some stomach crunching and stretches. I think it was the gym session you have when you aren't having a gym session - a Clayton's gym session.

More magazines hit the recycled bin. Even though I did tear out a few more pages yesterday than previously have done will go through those pages today and probably cull. I always have good intentions about these articles or recipes but in all fact life is usually too busy to revisit them and I forget about them.

Finished the Demon crossword in this month's Lovatts BIG Crossword book.

Had coffee with Jess.

Got rid of some clothes in the charity bins. Still more to take but Mark has stuffed them in a big big bag which I can hardly lift so will have to make some smaller bags.

As you can see, life is very slow and fairly relaxed at the moment. Boring to some but to me it is really bliss. I am normally so busy and so tired that I can barely function so I am enjoying this time immensely. My sister wants me to come to Queensland, my girlfriend wants me to come to the Gold Coast but I have thanked them all for their kind invitations but I am going nowhere. I am happy to be at home and since I am briefly back on my meds, even Mark has remarked on the fact that the permanently pained look has gone from my face. Mind you it will be back next week when meds stop again in preparation for surgery but I am determined to take it easy. I am not going to jeopardise another chance. Slippers or sneakers is my mantra now.

Happy days to you all.

Holidays - Bliss

You can tell I'm on holidays - I have lots of time to do stuff. The days are beautiful (sometimes still a bit too hot and humid - it is April after all) and I love being at home.

Have deferred all my deferrals for a couple of weeks until next attempt at operation.

Yesterday's baby step was okay. A couple of very thinly sliced homemade bread with a little bit of butter was my biggest sin. No wine - Day 2.

Lots of little jobs done:
More magazines into the recycling bin
Light bulbs replaced and glass covers washed
Kitchen benches tidied up so I have more room to spread out when I am cooking
Pencil/pen container near phone cleaned out (the stuff that gets shoved in here is mind boggling)
House generally tidied and things put away.
Finally sent our tax papers back to the accountant

Things I would like to purchase this holidays (but maybe not):
A dehumidifier for the house
A new sewing machine
A small camera
A new computer (working on the powers that be for this one)

Have a happy day!
A

Onwards and upwards today.

A Baby Step

After three days of trying unsuccessfully to get myself back on track I was finally successful yesterday. I felt good that I managed it but I physically felt sick. Now this may sound strange but I know it was my body trying to trick me again. Whenever I feel nauseau I eat carbs and everything settles down. I dont know why it happens and I dont know why I do it but it is a cycle I have fallen into. Anyway I survived Day 1 - here I go on Day 2.

Have worked out my meals for this week and hopefully will be able to follow it without too many spanners being thrown into the works.

Am going to have to sort out all my deferrals from the gym and weight watchers. See if I can defer the defferals for a couple of weeks.

Sore on foot is healing well and should be gone by time of next appointment with surgeon. I am afraid I am a sneaker and ugg boot girl from now until I reach hospital except for the wedding in a couple of weeks where I will wear my skiboot thingey to protect my foot. I am now officially paranoid.

Am using this time to sort out a few things. Have finally signed my tax and all ready to be posted off today. Getting rid of magazines that I have kept for years. Being ruthless. Still having a look through them before trashing but am pulling less things out. I love recipes but know I will never get to cook half of them so what is the point and nowadays there is always the internet.

Have told builder what we would like in the bathroom. Awaiting his response. We may have to defer this project a couple of weeks too as cant quite comprehend foot in plaster, crutches and no bathroom.

Happy Easter Tuesday everyone. Many many moons ago (and I am showing my age now) this used to be childrens day at the Royal Easter Show. Have a great day.

Update - Bad News

Hey guys
Bad News
Arrived at hospital today at 6 a.m. for operation. They couldn't do it.
Had a sore on my foot from my foot being so swollen that shoe rubbed skin off. Not worth the infection potential to my ankle.
I was so disappointed and in tears but I knew deep down it was the right decision. Shit I need this ankle so that I can at least start walking again eventually.
The hospital staff was wonderful and of course my surgeon was diligent. Anyone in Sydney area needs a good foot and ankle surgeon let me know. I can recommend one.
My daughter drove me there this morning and has stayed with me all day. God how did I manage to have such a wonderful person.
For a while it looked bleak (and might still be). Surgeon is booked out until after June but he is trying to arrange "out of hours" surgery time, maybe on Saturday 2nd May. Foot will be hopefully healed by then. Slippers are the derigeur footwear from now till then.

I have a wedding to go to but Jess and I discussed it today and I am going to wear my skibootie thingy to protect my ankle and foot and a normal shoe on the left foot.

I have been slack as far as the diet has gone but as of tomorrow I will be back on the wagon again. To use an Oprah phrase "I think the wagon fell on me" during the past two weeks. I am going to weight myself tonight so I once again have a starting point. I had suspended my weight watchers membership but will give them a ring on Tuesday and try on work it out. Also my gym.

I was at work until some ungodly hour last night organising everything for the next month but the way things stand at the moment after the school holidays I will work a week and then have a month at least off.

Anyway, just an update. Am going to take it easy and will catch up with everyone soon. Expect a lot of comments on old blogs. I have a lot of reading to do.

Love to you all.

Apologies

Hey guys, I can only say sorry for not blogging or reading lately. I am so focussed on losing weight (not always successfully), trying to fit in exercise, bringing all at work uptodate and more, getting my house in order before I go into hospital that there are just not enough hours in the day.

Anne I hope everything is going well with Peter.
Zanna, everytime I hear something about RioTinto I worry about you.
Suzy, you caring makes me smile.
Jen, I hope your son is behaving himself and everything is fine on your side of the country.
Molly, I miss your photographs.
Linda, I hope you have found your dream job.

The good news is I will soon have unlimited time to catch up and read. Expect lots of comments. I will be two weeks in plaster and then back into my big skiboot. I am so looking forward to being about to lie around for a month. Mind you nothing will get done at home and not sure how we will survive food wise but I dont care at this moment.

Must be off, boss has just rung in with urgent email to go now.

Patience

Sorry I have been a bit slack lately but I have been catching up and reading lots and lots of blogs. Interesting blogs, old friends blogs, about food, about weight loss, about life. I dont always comment but I am there. Probably could be classed as lurking but I try not to.

I have been busy at work trying to get everything done before I go into hospital. Only four weeks to go now and am looking forward to the rest. Trying to keep up with friends, exercise and doing the bare minimum in housework, keeping up to date with the ironing and washing and the biggest loser. My Foxtel IQ is chockablock full of programs I have recorded but not had time to watch.

Weight loss has slowed down but still happening and that is my fault. Too many social engagements where I cant or dont say no. Enjoying the Weight Watchers meetings and am making an effort to stay after I weigh-in as I like the leader and I find the people (wont say women because there are a few men there too which surprised me) inspiring.

I have to understand that it is going to take time to get this small amount of weight off. I have to have patience. I also have to get into the mindset that I am worth it. I am not depriving myself by not eating junk food (chippies hmmmmm) or drinking wine (have switched to low alcohol). I am making a choice or at least trying to. My body doesnt need it - my mind does.

Latest hurdle is waking up in the middle of the night hungry. I drink water, have a half a cup of warm skim milk and sometimes eat a biscuit or a slice of bread or some potato chips. (I didnt bring that last temptation into the house for obvious reasons.) I know I dont need it but I do it anyway. And then..... I get annoyed with myself. Move on I say, but it will happen again tomorrow night and the next and the next. Maybe my hormone meds need tweeking.

Enough whining more wining - damn no, that's what got me in this little mess in the first place and I havent even mentioned my love of cheese.

Wandering off into the sunset......

Biggest Loser Synopsis

I love this series.
There are so many nice people on this show this time.
Amanda is my favourite. She is the person I call to mind when I am at the gym and dont think I can finish my set. Bloody Hell! This woman can do it, so the bloody hell I can I.

People I like (who cares?)
Teresa
Bob
Meagan and Julie
The younger of the brothers, Andrew I think (the older may win them the series)
Amanda and Shaun (the hold hands all the time and I am so impressed by her determination)

I have just watched nearly a whole week of BL. Girls night by myself. Mark watching rugby with workmates. Me drank wine tonight. Did ironing.

This year they appear so more positive then they have in previous years.

Anyway in Sydney it is pouring with rain. I have once again put it out to the universe to send something to Victoria to help them. I am at the point when I cant read anymore about the fires. The mega money that has been donated and the govt assistance better get to them fast and the insurance companies had better step up and the banks better back off.

Anyway I have lost another 900 g this week. I know it doesnt work for everyone but weight watchers seems to work for me. I know how to do it but I need the meetings. My goal is to reduce my weight so when I am on crutches I dont have too much weight to carry around.

In three weeks I have managed 2.8kg (not boasting) it has been extremely hard.

Bought a Wii this week. I know I know I got a WiiFit for Christmas but as you all probably know I am a luddite. Anyway, the kids wil turn up and sort it out for me or else I will step up and work it out myself.

Anyway, BL has finally finished for this week. Am catching up on Desperate Housewives now.

Should really go and sort out my house. Grocery shopping everywhere, ironing finished (hallelujah), washing half done and drying (because it is raining) quarter done.

Guys I will catch up with you all this weekend I promise (rainy Sunday forecast). I am either so slack or bloody busy trying to stay fit, run a house (more badly than I have ever done before) and work full time.

But life is wonderful at the moment (scary to say that) and I hope you all are in a similar position.

PS: Jess's partner has found a job and started this week. So proud in these difficult times, she loves him so much. This may be the start of something big. Keep fingers crossed.

The Universe

I know this will sound sort of loopy but about a week ago, on the spur of the moment, I addressed the Universe on behalf of my daughter and her partner. He desperately needed to find a job, had applied for lots and lots of jobs with few responses and my baby was starting to stress with carrying the burden of being the sole wage earner.

Well.....
the interview started, and today he was offered a job. I am so happy for them although I think they are considering moving closer to the city (and further from me).

Lost another 500g this week even though I went out to a work dinner on Tuesday night and ate and drank everything that was put in front of me. I was a bit worried because I thought I had blown it but two days of back on track helped. I was hoping for just maintaining but a loss was a bonus.

I know how to do this (I am sure we all do) so why do I keep ambushing myself? It's like: I lost 500g this week I can have a glass of wine with dinner tonight. 'bout time I realised the implications.

Anyway the other good news is that I fitted back into my skinny black jeans (could get them over my thighs). Of course I had to wear a loose top as there was still a bit of muffintop going on but hey, I was so happy.

Ankle operation has been put forward to 2nd April. Got the paperwork yesterday.

Mark has said that I can order the lounge I want. The problem is me. It is soooo expensive. He said get what I want this time. The builder is coming tomorrow to talk about the renovations. All happening in our household.

Looks like it is going to be a scorcher this weekend. Temps in the 30s and 40s. I know I will regret this statement in August but I am so over summer and we still have February to go. Looking forward to autumn - my favourite season.

Hope everyone has had a great week and will have a great weekend too. My wish for you all.

The week that was plus more

Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Mark actually suggested that we go looking at lounges on Australia Day. I suppose there is a first for everything. So off we went to King Furniture and even though they are horrendously priced I knew he would love the construction (engineers are like that). We had a great time with a great salesperson who wasnt too pushy and left with leather samples and catalogues. Much measuring later (Mark measuring not me) and I sent off an email last night with a request for a new price because the suite we had liked was a bit too big so just awaiting that and step one in the remodelling of the family room has been completed. It wont be delivered until after Easter but that will fit in with the plans for knocking walls out and polishing floors (I hope).

Back at work this week after 5 weeks holiday and chaos has reigned. My office looks like a cyclone has blown through it and I dont work well in mess but at the moment both work and home offices are disgraceful. Didnt help that I had to take a day off for a first aid course so actually only worked three days and got pulled off normal work today to work on another project. I have a headache!

Good news - no injection this week. Side effects becoming too great so GP refused to give it to me. So nice not to be the one pulling the plug on this stuff this time. Off today to have more blood tests to see what damaged has been done if any. But for the first Friday in months feel human.

Lost 1.4kgs this week.

Jess and I saw Marley and Me last week and cried ourselves silly. A lovely movie. Mark and I finally got to see Gran Torino on Sunday after months of waiting for it to be released in Australia. I will have to buy it for him when it comes out on DVD he really enjoyed it but then he is a rabid Clint Eastwood fan.

Had lunch with Catherine aka Caramel KitKat when we went to IKEA. This gorgeous woman is moving to Melbourne so I can only say it is Sydney's loss. Jess came with me and I dont know what she was expecting (yes I do, someone my age) but she thought Catherine was a stunner. Mind you so did I - she is looking so well. Thanks Catherine for taking the time to catch up and come out in that terrible heat.

I am back to being slack again with reading blogs just because I am a bit time poor at the moment and as mentioned before dont work well in chaos so I am going to instigate lists again until I can get back on top of the stuff at home and keep in contact with everyone at the same time.

My gym program is fairly basic at the moment but I am trying to go everyday. Doing cycling to get some cardio into my routine every day (sometimes easy and long or sometimes short and hard) and weights twice a week. Pilates and yoga once a week and on Sunday I am going to try to go swimming unless we have to go out. I dont know what else I can do. Hopefully I will be able to walk again after the op.

Now to put everything I have written into practice must go and do housework. Have a great weekend.

A Lunching Lady

Sorry if I appear to have dropped off the edge of the earth but I have been a lunching lady for January. I have caught up with stacks of people, heard their news, imparted mine and just generally chilled.

All coming to an end next Tuesday when I finally return to work. In a funny way I am looking forward to it I think.

Anyway my news:
Finally went to seek ankle doctor yesterday (cant remember what they are actually called). Lovely man, not so lovely news.

As of 9th April I am going into hospital for an ankle replacement. Bummer that it is at Easter but that was how the dates worked out. I'll be in plaster for two weeks and then into my big ski boot thingey (great that I get to use it again). Have asked to go into rehabilitation locally when I get into hospital and that is dependant on me getting some scooter chair to support my leg. Dont ask me why but I will have to arrange with friends who live at Bondi to get it for me because that is the only place I can hire it from.

Bad news is that apparently it will take me 6 to 12 months to recover so our trip to Europe will have to be deferred once again until next year. Also bad news is that I will have to give myself injections daily for a while to counteract DVT which is scarey but I am sure I will be able to do it. Not much choice actually.

Weight has gone up and down but stayed basically the same which is not good because it was too much but I will just keep trying and hopefully I can fit back into my jeans by winter.

Re previous topic of grumpy old men - well I told my darling this morning that he was "a bad tempered prick" and that is a direct quote. I became a grumpy old woman and surprising he turned into a nice person again. I have had enough of grumpiness and walking on eggshells so that I dont upset the equilibrium. I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! and if someone is going to act like a spoiled child they will be treated like a spoiled child.

Im off to read everyone else news now, have a good long weekend Australians...

Happy New Year

Well I seemed to have survived yet another New Years Eve.

7 hours of solid partying (when will I remember how old and infirmed I am) and a day spent sleeping and recovering.

On New Years Eve finally got around to buying Shauna's book - The Amazing
Adventures of Dietgirl. This amazing woman has realised something that even though I kind of know it too, still hasnt sunk into my head properly.

Just eat well, exercise to the best of your ability (I especially like the vampire training method) and dont give yourself a trip to guiltsville when you do, allow yourself some leeway. It is not the end of the world.

I really really recommend reading this book - beg, borrow or steal - no dont do any of these because she wont get any royalities. It is uplifting and inspiring.

So what am I going to do different this year - well for a start, no resolutions. They only make me feel bad when I dont keep them.

I am going to try and jump off this diet mousewheel I have been on for nearly 40 years. Really it has been feast or famine, literally. I just have to not eat mindlessly for no reason (how's that for bad grammar)! It is my choice.

I am going to try and learn how to meditate - damn this little grasshopper mind of mine. Never lets up! Apparently, according to the Mayo clinic, I can use the mind to control pain. Hey we all know that really, look at childbirth and that wonderful breathing technique. Still use it to this day when something is hurting.

And that's it. May 2009 be a year that all the little mousie treadmills fall over and we all learn to just enjoy life as it happens. Mind you this is a big call coming from this super control freak but I will try.......