Update

Today I am going home from hospital. Early. Finally.

This has been so much harder than I thought it would be.

Just little things:
I was in ICU for 36 hours with very little sleep.
The worse moment was when the nurse had to take out the two drains before I had to come back to the ward.
The removal of the epidural was less traumatizing.
Lying on my back for 60 hours was difficult.
I felt that I had been forgotten when brought to my room but that turned out to be just the nurse that was on duty.
The food has been revolting. They don't really provide for people with dairy allergies.
I have survived on cold peanut butter toast, dubious sandwiches and jelly and herbal tea.
On the bright side I may have lost some weight even though I haven't had much exercise. Gareth brought me a ham, avocado and tomato sandwich yesterday.

The pain hasn't been too bad. Bearable.
My life started to return to semi normal when all the drips and catheters were removed.
Have started physio .

Have an appointment on Friday at local GP for the staples to be removed. Even have a special little tool to take with me. Am terrified.

And then, it is approximately 6 weeks until I can drive again.
Cannot carry anything over 1 kg. There goes my handbag - see previously post.
No bending and twisting.
Start walking 10 mins twice a day increasing 5 mins every week until I get up to 40 mins twice a day.
Physio exercising three times a day - including pool exercises when the staple holes heal up.

I now have some new hardware in my body. Two rods and four screws now holding part of my back together.

Update of the update - I'm home! I've had a cup of coffee and some real food. Oh happy days (cue the music)
More later

It's been a while

So much has happened since last time.

Twelfth Night at the Opera House was very good and Gareth really enjoyed it.

Jess passed her test with flying colours and is now awaiting her new posting. Again fingers crossed everyone (seems to work really well) that she gets the command she would like to be at.

Weight is going down slowly. I have lost 4.6kgs since I began this time. I might get back into my jeans yet.

I have had an endoscopy and found the cause of the pain. I have a healing medium size ulcer. Have to continue with medication and have another endoscopy next year to check how it goes.

My iPad has arrived and it is gorgeous. Just like a big iPhone but you cant make calls on it. I read the paper on it in the mornings. A few things I have to sort out but I will eventually.

Today is my last day at work until the end of January next year.

Tomorrow is Oprah day with Jess and on Wednesday I am off into hospital to have my lower back fused thanks to a very understandng neurosurgeon who wanted to operate on Tuesday and accomodated me on Wednesday instead. I will be in hospital for 10 days so will be out of contact for a while - at least until I can sit up and Mark brings me my iPad and iPhone. I wont be able to drive until early February and will have to wear a corset (hopefully looking really slim).

I will let you know about Oprah - I am looking forward to it but I hope it is not too hot.

Just in case I dont get back to you (hardly likely I know) have a wonderful Christmas and a hsppy new year.
xxx

Handbag stocktake

As I lugged my handbag into work today I thought, no wonder I have a sore back. This is the contents of my bag today

Red Leather Wallet which contains cards and notepad plus pencil and pen
Sunglasses (no case as I cant find it)
Coin Purse
Black wallet for extra cards and cash
Diary to use as a food tracker
iPac (work)
Digital camera
pain killers
2011 Diary
External HD
Hankie
Glasses (in case)
Another card holder for the excess cards I have (mainly store ones for rewards)
and this is before the iPad arrives.
Good grief!!!!
Now what is in yours?
Edit: Forgot the trusty iphone

On a sad note, the weight I was so excited to lose last week has returned. Not as much as I lost and I guess the difference was two restaurant meals. I really have to learn to do this better. Any hints greatly appreciated.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was very good. Maybe not for small children though. Definitely dark undertones and adult themes. Jess and I got to go with lots of young people. The girls in front of us, still in school uniform, were very funny and lovely. The younger boys from one of the North Shore's top private schools were hysterical to listen to. Anyway a good movie and a lovely dinner afterwards.

Saturday I went to the Sydney Opera House with Gareth. We had lunch first at Studio Cafe and then in to see Twelfth Night by the Bell Shakespeare company. I really enjoyed it and so did he. They are a wonderful company and the twists they put on Shakespeare are really great. Gareth really enjoyed it too and I think I may have found a person to go with finally. He actually said that it was awesome on facebook.

Have a good week and keep your fingers cross on Wednesday for Jess sitting her detective exam/interview.

the good the bad and hopefully no ugly

Starting with the good news - the scales told me I lost 1.2 kgs last week. After weeks of 100g and 200g losses (yes I know a loss is still a loss) you could have knocked me over with a feather at this weeks weigh in. I am back in the 60"s, just.

The bad is that everyone has tried to get me an emergency appointment with the neurosurgeon but they all hit the bane of so many peoples lives - the doctors receptionist. Firstly I found out that the rheumatologist's receptionist had not passed the MRI results on even though the email I received from her said she would. That had wasted nearly two weeks. Then the GP rang on Monday as I had spent three days in bed because the pain has escalated and she was told there are no emergency appointments and given the name of another doctor who is probably ok but this is my spine and I really want the best surgeon so I will wait until January for my appointment. GP has increased the slow release morphine dose and upped the painkiller and I've got my disability parking back again.

Yesterday I went back to work and found out that a friend who worked in the park and who I used to have coffee and gossip with had committed suicide on Saturday. Even now I am having trouble with this and tearing up. I should have been a better friend. I know loneliness and depression were part of the problem. Damn we get wrapped up in our own lives and don't reach out to others because we are too busy. I was alone at work yesterday and my beloved daughter who is on holidays and studying for her detective exams came down and spent the day with me so that I wasn't alone.

I have been a bit slack lately with reading you blogs. Not any more. I am going to get myself an iPad and I am going to carry it with me at all times so that I can find out what is going on in your lives at any moment.

Jess and I are going to see Harry Potter on Friday and then Gareth and I are going to see Twelfth Night by the Bell Shakespeare Company on Saturday. Very very different things but I love them both.

Finally, my thoughts are with the families and friends of the trapped miners. Have just heard the news of the second explosion and that there are no expected survivors. Gut wrenchingly crappy news. Namaste - May peace be with you all - eventually.

It's nearing Christmas time and

I am confined to bed again. Didnt't make it to work today. Cant walk. Rang the neurosurgeon yesterday about being put on the cancellation list and asked had they received the MRI report. The answer was no. So rang the rheumotologist and asked had they sent it and the receptionist said she had not send it because she didnt know that she had too. Unfortunately I had an email from them saying that was what they were going to do. I know mistakes happen but I thought I have been waiting to hear from someone about the results and nothing had been done.

I have been trying to keep mobile but I think last Wednesday's yoga was the last time for this year which makes me sad. I enjoy it so much but the pain is now too great. Have also put my gym membership on hold until next year.

I have spent today in bed and probably will spend the weekend in bed too. I can't not walk. I have to go and see Oprah with Jess! LOL. Glad I have my priorities right. Only another four weeks of work - four fairly important weeks of work. Please, I need a break.

On top of all this I have to have an endoscopy in two weeks time. Keeps getting better doesnt it.

The back pain is being caused by degeneration to the spine probably by the arthritis and also this time I now have a cyst on my spine which is pressing on the nerve. I think it is nerve pain that I am feeling and painkillers don't seem to work with nerve pain.

Oh well, a quiet weekend ahead. Poor Mark - thank goodness he has retired from work. He has to take over everything now, as well as helping the builder, etc etc.

Enjoy yourselves.

Pandora charm award (finally)

I have lost another 200g this week. Painfully slow but still....
A pandora charm, an owl for wisdom, has joined the buddha (for calmness) on my necklace. A new charm for every kilo.

Exciting news, Jess has been allocated tickets in the ballot to go and see Oprah on the 14th December and is taking me. Woohoo! I didnt know anything about this so was very excited to get the news. Have already put in my request for long service leave for that day.

Back or whatever it is, is still painful. Had an MRI on Friday. Just part of my contributing to keeping the health system afloat in NSW. Hopefully will get some feedback today.

Still having a problem with possum in the cavity. I think we have upset him by removing part of the eaves and the outside brick wall. Mark was out there last night building a possum highway because he was afraid that he couldnt get down. So cute (Mark that is not the possum - no the possum is cute but vicious and smelly and I dont want him to live in the roof.)

Out to dinner twice on the weekend and had Italian both times and am paying for eating cheese. The rash is back. But I dont care - I love Italian and I knew when I was enjoying it that this would probably be the outcome but it will be gone in a couple of days and it was worth it.

Going to see Leonard Cohen tomorrow night at the Acer Arena at Homebush with a girlfriend. I heard that his concert last time he was here was brilliant and I am hoping for a repeat performance.

Have a great week everyone. Under 7 weeks to Christmas - dont panic!

What's buzzing this week?

Sorry sorry sorry - have been very very busy and sick and all the normal stuff.

After losing 1.2 kgs in one go I have lost 300 g over the past 2 weeks. Very very demoralising as I have been sick and not wanting to eat a lot like I normally do and I have been keeping a food diary via the internet and have kept well below points and not even added in bonus exercise points.

Have been going to gym twice a week, walking Lucy four days a week and yoga once a week and it doesnt seem to make any difference.

All this exercise has been happening through pain (doctor has increased dosage of painkillers) but it doesnt seem to make any difference. So while this week I am still tracking the food, I am doing very little exercise.

Scans and xrays showed all sorts of nasty things have happened to my back. Dr A (Rheumotologist) has asked me to get an MRI done and then he will ring the neurosurgeon and try and get me moved up the list a bit.

Mark (god bless his little cotton socks) is worried that I will once again stuff up Christmas by being sick. As if I do this on purpose.

Anyway, catchups:
If you get a chance go and see Jersey Boys. Incredible show. Great singing, sets etc etc. Of course it helps if you like the music.

I have bought a lovely long dress for Christmas. All reds and oranges. Please please let it be a lovely hot Christmas this year and not back into winter woolies.

Renovations have started again. Do have a picture of the starting work.
The outer brick wall has been removed and work has started on the inner brick wall. Dust like you wouldnt imagine but the idea of having a long table/s the length of the deck and the family room for Christmas day is keeping me happy. It was amazing to see what the inside of the cavity looks like - no wonder we have had trouble putting in electricals - trying to get them past all those concrete "dags" but apparently the roughness of the bricking has something to do with the rendering of the inside walls - better perhaps.

Anyway, new bifold doors will go across this space - goodbye backdoor and window. The stairs for the deck have to be resituated or else that first step will be a doozy and I can fall quite easily down the back steps without any help thank you very much.

Mind you I dont think it has stopped raining since these renos started so blame me - it always happens. Garden looks wonderful though.

Last trivia of the year this Friday night. We have won the last two out of three so keep your fingers crossed that we will continue to mow down all the opposition before us. Me competitive - never!

Hopefully my weight will dip a bit more next week. Isnt it funny - this weight has snuck on insidiously over the past 18 months using stealth and camouflage and now I want it gone - NOW! So unrealistic but normal I thinks.

Hope all you lovelies in Aussieland have a great day today and back a winner in the Melbourne Cup. Sometimes it is hard to work by yourself in an isolated location. Oh well have one for me.

Have a great rest of week and weekend.

Things I have managed

In the last week I have managed to finally lose 1.2kgs mainly through not stuffing myself with food or overdoing the wine. Not rocket science but nonetheless hard for someone who has quite enjoyed stuffing herself and overdoing the wine.

Even went out to dinner two nights and still managed to keep my appetite under control.

Been to see "Eat Pray and Love". Enjoyable light chick flick. They probably could have made three movies concentrating on each country Liz Gilbert visited in that year but nonetheless got the main points across I think.

Have put my back out yet again. I am so over my health. Cant get into see the neurosurgeon until January so GP has put me on a low dose morphine patch to cope with the pain. Doesnt seem to working all that well but then again I have not stopped living my normal life even if walking Lucy does take a lot longer than it did. Off to get CT scan and xrays on Wednesday.

Went back to yoga last Wednesday. Slightly painful because of abovementioned back, but I managed and glad to be back there again. Teacher still wonderful.

Bestfriend and her husband arriving on Thursday and then two hectic days of dinners out and off to see Jersey Boys on Friday night. They leave on Saturday to continue their trip further south and I have plans to watch the first movie "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" if I can find it at the video store on Saturday night while I recover.

Sunday is beloved middle sister's birthday so off to visit her.

It is so busy at this time of year - no wonder everybody gets frazzled.

Mum's estate is finally being wound up this week which is good. The amount of work that Mark has done to sort it all out has been mammoth and I know he will be glad that it is finally finished.

Builder hasnt been sighted re doors. Hopefully soon.

That's all. Hope you had a great week and are having a great week.
xxx

Thank you

Thank you for all your birthday wishes. I had a lovely day. My family told me that for my birthday I was going skydiving, night skydiving while holding sparklers. I didnt really believe them because heights and I dont seem to get on too well. My friend told me that at least it was at night and I wouldnt see the ground. So reassuring. Anyway it turned out to be a lovely dinner at "AdLib" in Pymble. Nice food and good service. Also another pandora charm from eldest sister, flowers, a new crossword dictionary and a electronic crossword solver. A subscription to a puzzle magazine is apparently on the way. (You can tell I do like crosswords).


Also this beautiful azalea came into flower on my birthday as it does every year. My late much loved mother-in-law gave it to me on my 25th birthday which you probably have guessed is eons ago. Appropriately it is called "silver anniversary". It has survived many moves and survived. It used to cascade over the stone edging on the garden but apparently it was killing The Grass so I have had to cut i back but it is regrowing again within its boundaries. Also this year there is a genetic mutation that seems to have occurred. One branch of flowers is different to the rest of the bush. Very strange.

The other milestone is that I have finally finished reading the Stieg Larsson trilogy. I have had these books for literally years but while I absolutely love his women characters I have trouble reading about the bad men characters. I cant really explain it but yesterday since I was sick yet again I knuckled down and picked up The Girl who Kicked the Hornets Nest and finished it. I loved it as I have loved the others. I reread the last chapters twice - I guess I didnt want it to end but end it has as he has passed away and there will be no more books about Lisbeth Salander.

It is a long weekend here today in New South Wales and it is raining as it rained yesterday. I will eventually get back out in my garden but I dont know when. Another weeks schools holidays and then back to work for the final rush towards the end of the year.

Tourists in our home city

Today I dragged my darling husband into the city to do a bit of sight seeing. He didnt want to go but came with me under sufferance (I can be very persuasive sometimes).

We caught the train to St James station and then had a look through St James church. I think, the oldest church in Sydney. Absolutely beautiful. Had a look through the crypt too where there is a childrens chapel.

Then off to David Jones for lunch in the food hall. An antipasto platter and a glass of sauvignon blanc. Just right. Mark had the plowmen's lunch.

The we walked through Hyde Park and had a look at the photographic exhibition that is on there. Giant photos on canvas. Interesting and of course such a beautiful day.

Decided to walk down Macquarie Street to Circular Quay admiring the gorgeous old churches and sandstone buildings on the way. Through the Sydney Hospital to the domain and then down past the State Library, the Conservatorium and the Botanical Gardens. All the statues were dressed up for the festival that is happening at the moment.

This was Shakespeare and Co
near the library.














Then down the Circular Quay and onto a ferry to Milsons Point. Actually got off a Kirribilli wharf and walked up under the harbour bridge (a bit windy) up to Milsons Point station and then onto a train home.

A lovely day doing something that we dont usually do and a little bit of training in walking for me. Painkillers along the way helped.







PS Builder came over last night and there is talk of the family room renovations being started soon. We went and talked to the bifold door company this afternoon. Keep your fingers crossed that this is finished by Christmas.

A new tack

Awoke this morning to a beautiful sunny day. I love the early morning at the moment but I guess it will regress when daylight saving comes in soon.

Arrived at work and it was misty and mysterious looking. Couldn't see the boats anchored across the bridge. Wanted to take a picture but the sun that was trying to break through the mist was too bright and I kept getting what looked like a pole in the middle of the picture.

Looked out my office window a little bit later and saw the most amazing sight. There must have been 50 cormorants sitting on the seawall drying their wings and just generally catching up. Rang Mark to tell him as I thought the fish might be running but he thought it must be because of the rough seas at the moment. He was out pulling out the frangipani (frost finally got it this year) and planting out my olive tree. Would love to turn that part of the garden into a garden or a chook run but that would take more of his valuable grass and the moaning would be unliveable with.





(Pictures by my boss)

Such a beautiful day and I went for a stroll at lunch time. No fish swimming around but that might be due to the cormorants who have since moved on but probably scared the fish witless. The little swallows that nest under the bridge were out and about picking up mud at low tide for their nests.

Hundreds of little crabs scurrying around in the mud and hiding when I come near. So cute. How do they know I am here?

Something flowering and I dont know what it is but it smelt wonderful. Will find out when the guys return and try to remember for next time. Might have been a pittosperum - yes just looked it up on wikepedia and that is what it is. Smells heavenly.

Baby ducklings out and about with Mum and Dad Duck. Five little ones this time. I hope they survive.

A few more hours of work and then off to the hairdressers and some shopping and then home to walk Lucy. Hope the weather holds for me.

Spring makes me feel so contented.

A Week Like No other

Friday 17 September 2010
Firstly, my deepest sympathies to Anne. You have been in my thoughts constantly for the last couple of days. Hope you are coping. I cant imagine what you are going through but know that your family and friends as well as your blends will be there for you.

Secondly I am back on the methotrexate and am really foggy. This is my third attempt at this medication and hopefully my last. The only reaction so far has been this fogginess and of course extreme tiredness. Plus a sudden loss of memory.
Back to fortnightly blood tests.

Have not been able to get back to pilates in ages as my stomach pains make it impossible.

Monday 20th September 2010
If anyone has a pilates dvd with sessions that last about 20 mins let me know. I need to do something soon.

I know that I am not supposed to weigh myself everyday but I do. I understand why it is a bad thing because between Saturday morning and this morning I have put on 1.3 kilos and I dont think I have done anything terribly wrong. Bugger Bugger damn damn.

Okay got that out of my system. Am moving on.

A question of balance

Whew - we have finally nearly finished Mark's birthmonth. It has been hectic and a lot of fun.

The warbird flight was brought forward from 11 am last Saturday week to 8 am and I was wondering how I was going to get 8 people down to the local airport to watch but it all turned out well. The pilot actually did the aerobatics over the house we were staying at so we just sat out on the terrace and watched Mark have the ride of his life. I swear, he didnt stop smiling all day.

The rest of the weekend was lovely too and finally last weekend he had his party at the golf club and once again had a ball. Mind you he is the original little party animal and age certainly hasnt slowed him down too much. My bestie and her husband flew down from Queensland and stayed for the weekend too so it was full on.
Party on Friday night and not in bed until 2.
Mark up again at 6 to play golf.
The rest of us had a leisurely start to the day and then caught the train into the city and went to the David Jones foodhall and had lunch at the antipasto bar and taste tested our way around, had coffee, went shopping and then caught the train home to a beautiful chicken curry prepared by the birthday boy when he got home from golf. Nobody needed any rocking that night and we were in bed by midnight.

Up again the next day and off to lunch at Buddha Belly at Terrey Hills to meet up with friends and then out to airport to drop our visitors off and then off to a sausage sizzle with the neighbours and then home and bed.

Didnt want to get out of bed this morning but there was the promise of another lovely Sydney winter day, not a doona day, so I eventually got out of bed and was only minutely late for work.

Planning for the Tasmanian trip is starting to come together. Got lots of recommendations about what we should see and do and where to stay.

Now the title of this post - Balance.
I have noticed that more and more people are talking about balance in their life. People perceive balance in lots of different ways but it is amazing that in the end balance is still balance. (Of goodness I am getting all mystic.)

Anyway while we were away in the Hunter with my wonderful children, my son and I had a long talk about eating habits and weight. He has lost some weight by just following simple "rules:
No fried food
No sugar
Eat dinner early
Eat more fruit

Now he never could be accused of being fat or even overweight, but has trimmed down so that he can fit back into a favourite pair of jeans and stopped the weight training because it was thickening up his neck muscles and he couldnt do up his dress shirts anymore. LOL.

No counting points, showing some restraint and I guess taking responsibility. Taking this slowly, and being superstitious I am not going to talk about this anymore. Just to say I am attempting to slowly change my habits but I am not going to beat myself up anymore about it.

I want to fit back into my clothes
I want to give myself a fighting chance against the disease that is trying to cripple me
basically I just want something better with more balance.

Not a big ask.

Completely on a different track
Anyway I have also taken up crocheting again. I had all this wool that I was going to knit into squares but my hands wont let me but I have discovered that I can still crochet so I am happily making squares for the new blanket for Lucy the wonderdog and next year I will see if I can donate crochet rugs to the "Wrapped with Love" project. It is awesome - I have something to do with my hands of an evening that I quite enjoy doing.

So, if anyone out there needs some knitting needles let me know because I dont think I will be using them anymore and I have got stacks.

Whew! What a busy weekend.

Not feeling well lately and it seems to hit me on Friday night and makes Saturday mornings painful and therefore no pilates which is killing me.

The no dairy diet is difficult (being a big cheese lover) but has helped immensely. The few times I have chanced it or inadvertently had dairy I have paid for it very soon after with an immediate flare-up of the eczema but on a whole am managing to keep it under control. I just want to heal now but that will take months.

We went to see Let It Be at the opera house on Saturday. We went into the city early and had a few drinks in the Rocks, caught up with some friends and then went to the show. It had Doug Parkinson, Jon Stevens, Jack Jones and John Waters in it and was excellent. Didnt get home until midnight and I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Dragged myself out of bed and got ready to go out to lunch and we were just lucky to miss the most incredible storm that raged through Sydney yesterday. Pouring rain, hail and thunder all within about 10 minutes. The restaurant actually turned the heaters on because the temperature dropped quickly but everything was back to normal within 15 minutes and more importantly the washing got dry by the time we got back home. Lovely lunch with lovely people.

So today, have walked around a small area of the national park I work in. Breezy down the southern end and the smell of the salt water was invigorating. Sunny cloudless blue skies, magpies, cockatoos, a swamp heron and plovers but did not sight any schools of small fish. Watched women getting ready to go kayaking and felt a bit envious but my time will come for lovely indulgences. It wasnt a brisk walk just a stroll because my ankle is sore from Saturday's trip to the city and I want to give it time to recover. So no gym today either just a bit of shopping and I have to buy a new black pashmini type thing because of course I lost my beloved one on Saturday. Probably take Lucy for a walk towards sunset. It is such a nice relaxing time of the day to be out walking. Something about the sun setting seems to soothe me - dont know why.

The nights this week will be taken up with cooking food for the weekend. We are off to the Hunter again on Friday to celebrate Mark's 60th birthday with family. I can't remember whether I mentioned it but I have booked a flight for him in an old fighter plane. Hopefully the weather holds for him as it is the pivotal part of the weekend, keep your fingers crossed.

Enjoy your week - stop, turn your faces to the sun and breathe deeply. Spring is stirring although I dont think winter has quite finished with us yet.

PS: didnt get a chance to post this on Monday and would you believe when I went for my walk at lunchtime on Tuesday the creek was literally alive with fish. It was incredible to watch them darting around and not just little ones either, some really big ones. I tried to describe the big ones to a workfriend and his response was that I had just described a fish. Also managed to buy another black scarf/shawl pretty much identical to the one I lost but it was expensive. Cooking for weekend is progressing well - lasagne and soup made, meat ordered and casserole to be made tonight in slow cooker. Other than that I have managed to lose my credit card but luckily the butcher has it and has promised me that I can have it back as soon as they have filled up their cars - clowns.
Really going this time and pushing publish post button otherwise this could turn into a novella.

From my sister

Part of an email my sister sent me -

With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much
information and wisdom in our heads that when
there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will
think, ¨Good grief, look how smart I am!¨

A great way to look at yourself (or myself) I think.
:)

Mindsets

Funny how if you think something for long enough it becomes fact.

My particular mindset at the moment is - gee I am hungry. Yes I am hungry but I am not starving. Hungry is not a bad thing it might mean that my body might decide to eat some of the stored food (this little squirrel must have thought it was going to be a tough winter because she has put away rather a lot of food stores). I dont need to eat something immediately. All that it does is makes me bigger. A few gentle comments from my beloved has got me back on track. He is worried about the damage that I am doing to myself when my body is quite capable of damaging itself without my help.

Anyway saw the surgeon today and he is happy with the new ankle (not so new now - nearly 16 mths old). Have to get an MRI on the other ankle because something is going on there but nothing as bad as what has happened.

Bought a cute little pad from KikkiK about 21 days to make something a habit. Things like staying within daily point allowance, walking 10,000 steps, drinking my bottle of water, having alcohol-free days etc. I keep it on my bedside table and the last thing I do before I go to bed is tick off what I have accomplished that day. It makes me try harder. I always was the child that wanted the gold star.

Well done to the All Blacks. It was like watching a trainwreck and I think that I will join Peter Fitzsimmons and start calling them the Australiasian Allblacks. A word of warning (from past history guys) dont peak too early. Save something for next year.

After a couple of days of wild and woolly weather, today is a glorious winter day with blue skies and sunshine.

I can feel a hint of spring. The jonquils are out in my garden, the azaleas are beginning their annual flower show and I've noticed the beautiful big dusky pink magnolia buds are starting to open. I wish I could have a magnolia but, sigh, I have been banned from buying one. I do have a port wine magnolia from which I have struck numerous cuttings and planted surreptitiously in various parts of the gardens. Am I in for a lecture when he discovers this.

Anyway I am off to do some more work. Have a great day/week.

MIA yet again

Sorry I have been MIA yet again.

Been having to work some stuff out. AND it has become more difficult in a way.

For over 7 months I have been suffering with eczema and nobody was interested. Not the GP not the dermatologist. The last dermatologist I saw in early July wanted to do yet another biopsy. That was never going to happen. Due to the meds I have to take my healing process is so slow. The GP suggested cortisone cream and putting tegaderm over it (which is kind of like sticky gladwrap). But if you saw the surface area I had to cover you would be going out and buying shares in Nexcare.

Anyhoos have been surfing the internet and researching eczema and something caught my eye and memory. Two years ago when I had a procedure which I cant remember the name of but was both ends and no big deal the doctor mentioned lactose intolerence might be the reason for the stomach pains. Of course I didnt take any notice - hey why am I paying these guys all this money so that I can ignore them.

Anyway the long and the short of it is since last Friday afternoon (a week) I have virtually cut out lactose from my diet as best I can. I am really afraid to say this and am frantically touching wood but I have not itched once since and slowly, so very slowly the itchy red spots are healing.

I need to tell you that I was at the p*ssed off stage before the revelation. No one was offering me any viable and longterm answers. Maybe this wont be a longterm answer but let me tell you - sleeping through the night without scratching myself to pieces is marvellous.

I am back to building up my exercise at the gym (not too strenuous), doing pilates once a week and walking Lucy twice a week. I see the ankle surgeon next week and I think there may be problems but I dont care.

My weight is still horrendous but one thing at a time.

It is Mark's 60th birthday next month and I think he is nearly retired. He has bought a new laptop and downloaded all his personal stuff off the work computer in readiness for its return.

We are spending the weekend of his birthday up at the Hunter with the children and his brother and sister and his brother's wife. We have rented a house for the weekend and I am sending him up in an old fighter plane for the ride of his life. The bonus is that the people who own the house have said that Lucy can come too. A visit to the dog beauty parlour is in order.

Jess and I went to Rozelle Markets last Sunday and I found a pottery beer stein for Mark which he proudly took to drinks on Sunday night. Then we drove to Haberfield for coffee and arancini but they dont make arancini on Sundays but the soy flat white was nice. Jess will go back when she is posted back to Gladesville and get some arancini for me during the week. After that we went to IKEA to return some cushions and then home for afternoon tea with friends. Nothing got done at home but it was a lovely day.

What else - the Tour de France is finished for another year. I am suffering MasterChef withdrawal but I have the new magazine and am planning to make Alvin's drunken chicken. I love Lie to Me and Undercover Boss is becoming a favourite along with Doc Martin.

Rugby tomorrow night. Go the Wallabies! (Anne and Sue dont hate me)

Friday night, can hear the rain again on the roof outside my study and I am so happy to be able to sleep in a little bit tomorrow morning and a lot on Sunday. Have a good one.

PS - Oh by the way I have indulged myself with another Spencer and Rutherford bag. On special of course and it hasnt arrived yet but I feel warm and fuzzy just thinking about it. I think I need to join handbags anonymous.

Winter Solstice

Hooray, we are halfway through. In theory the days will start getting longer but Mark reckons that the next three months will be the coldest. Let's hope he is wrong.

Been off colour again. Could be the medication I think. We went to a wedding on Saturday and I took my tablets with what I thought was water but actually was lemonade. Not too sure that they went together and the lemonade may have removed the protective coating on the tablets too quickly.

Lost 100g this week. Not great but a loss is a loss but 100g could be the difference between going to the toilet or not before weigh-in.

My sitting in the sun has not been too successful. Managed two days last week. I think this is one of the wettest winters we have had but I wont complain as it is nice to be out of drought at least in Sydney.

Was playing with the idea in my mind this morning that maybe the next time I have to have a major operation I may retire so that I can concentrate on regaining my health as my number one job. We will see. I do love my job and the people I work with. Maybe it was just because it was raining this morning and Mark and Lucy were having a "doona day".

I hope you all have a wonderful week ahead of you.

Something's not right

God I feel strange. Slightly empty, a bit disorientated, sad, lethagic, uninterested, generally blaaah. I just want to curl up and hibernate. Maybe I am a bear.

It could be SAD I guess. I really dont get out in the sun much nowadays. Lunches are usually spent either at my desk or in the lunch area. Not good. Sun is still coming up when I go to work and getting dark when I get home. Need to get out in the park at lunch time for 10 minutes to rejuvenate my battery. This will be my aim this weekend and next week.

Roll on winter solstice. The day light hours will start lengthening again soon. This morning was freezing and frosty. Jess's windscreen was iced up. It was 3 degrees in the car park at work this morning and I have had a variety of heating implements powering away to keep me warm. Have finally taken my coat off - now just three layers of clothes.

Am supposed to be going to gym this afternoon but thinking of giving it a miss. I know this is not the right way to think but that is where I am at the moment.

Sorry to unload but needed to tell someone.

MIA

Sorry I have been MIA lately.

Trying to exercise a bit more and trying to teach myself to walk again.

Completed 23 days without alcohol and am now aiming for 4 days off at least a week although I did think about having one tonight.

I swear I can feel snow in the air. It is soooo cold outside and apparently getting colder as the week goes on. Not too cold for possums though. Lucy has just gone berserk because one thundered across the roof above my study.

Weight loss has been okay but not great.

Jess and I went and saw Sex In the City 2 last night. Honestly dont bother unless it is part of a girls night out. They are looking old, the fashion was horrible most of the time and most of it was set in Abu Dhabi not beloved New York. Not much of a story line and boring. But in saying all of that Liza Minnelli's rendition of Single Girls was wonderful and boy she has great legs and the scene with Miranda and Charlotte having a heart-to-heart about motherhood was funny. I have loved this show for 12 years but I think it is time to put it out of its misery.

Have given my old mixmaster to Jess and am now in the process of picking the colour of the new one as previously mentioned. It has to be a happy colour - Jess likes the bright red one but I am leaning towards the orange one or maybe the bright green one. I am really enjoying cooking at the moment (thanks Master Chef for re-igniting my love of it). I have a new stick blender. Once again Jess got my old one - she does well out of me. BTW she made Matt Moran's frangipane tart from last Friday nights show, for dinner on Monday night. It was lovely. The girl is fearless.

Had to see a dermatologist last week about skin. I have been using cortisone cream on rash but she wants me to leave it for a week so that she can do a biopsy. Honestly, not going to happen. I am fed up with arthritis at the moment and am probably heading towards denial but I dont care.

Anyway off to finish checking emails and do the ironing. Mark out for drinks with a mate (rather him than me - too cold). Not sure who gets it but if you are having a long weekend like NSW this weekend enjoy yourselves. Another day to have a sleep-in woo hoo.

I've lost a little bit of me - woohoo!

(This turned out to be quite a long one - sorry)

Managed to misplace 500g last week. No alcohol appears to have worked because there has been minimal exercise. Probably could have done better if I was a little more diligent but I tend to lose the plot on the weekend foodwise.

I am back with my lists/timetables of what I have to do everyday. I do love lists and I do know they can be self defeating but when they work they work really well. I managed to get the housework done in stages throughout the week without too much trouble although as mentioned before there was not a lot of structured exercise.

I took Lucy for a walk last Monday and it was so hard. Just a short flat walk but obviously my muscles had packed it in yet again because it felt like I was walking on marshmallows. That short walk put paid to my plans for walking in the "Million Paws" walk on Sunday. I realised that I couldnt do it which was disappointing.

On a brighter note I went back to pilates on Saturday morning. First time since last November. New teacher so had to explain again my problems but it was wonderful. I was very very nervous but so glad that I went. I felt I had achieved something. If nothing goes wrong (touch wood) I plan to go back to yoga in July.

Also spent yesterday gardening. In the last 12 months my gardens have become a bit like the wild woods. Mark has done a bit of hedging but I have to watch him like a hawk. He is very good at "boy pruning". I cant tell you how many plants I have lost to that form of gardening. Anyway the rose garden is now looking a lot better and I will do some more in that garden next week if I get the chance. Plus I swept and decobwebbed.

My poor baby had a bad week last week. Because of the lack of manpower she had to spend two days going through rubbish at the tip looking for evidence. I dont really want to know what she encountered but I believe that Sydney does not recycle well. We took her out to dinner on Friday night which was lovely. She is such a treasure.

I bought myself my usual weekly supply of flowers for the house this week and I bought some extra yellow tulips to keep in the kitchen near the sink. They make me smile everytime I have to do something in the kitchen. I am also plotting on how I can get a new mixmaster. I would like a KitchenAid one and I havent decided on the colour yet - apple green, purple or orange are in the running. Another reason to smile when I go into the kitchen.

I am loving the latest MasterChef season even though I think that some parts of it are ridiculous and a bit harsh. I really hope Jake does well and I am coveting Alvin's glasses. Some contestants are annoying but not many (just two really). What I love about this show (whether it really is or not) is the consistently upbeat nature. After last Friday nights master class I am going to practise cooking pork tonight with yet another attempt at getting the crackling right.

Well, I am going to have another crack at walking Lucy today providing the rain holds off. If it rains I may go into the gym and just walk there for a little while. Have to get those muscles working properly again.

Was so thrilled to see Jessica Watson sail in the heads on Saturday afternoon. She looked so calm and powerful at the tiller of her yacht until she reached her family. Brought tears to my eyes too. She kept saying that she was just a normal teenager who had a dream. What a great role model. And the other special thing was when the other round-the-world sailors boarded the yacht to help her bring it into the dock. Jesse Martin and Mike Perham. So nice.

All in all it was a very satisfying week last week.
I hope this week is just as good and that everyone is also going to have a good week too.

Days of Wine and Roses are over

(Maybe not the roses)
Weigh in - same weight - no loss no gain. I must be grateful for small mercies.

Not surprised really. Horrible weekend for someone supposedly watching her food intake. Friday night out was a total disaster. Too much wine, far far too much wine. You would think that a woman my age would know this but noooooo. So so sick to begin with and then absolutely no energy on Saturday.

So I have hitched my little red wagon to Zanna's and am not going to have any alcohol for 23 days. Why 23 days I dont really know, it was a number that popped into my head but it also takes me to the end of May. Then we will see.

I nearly capitulated last night (day 2!) when friends dropped in for drinks but I stuck to diet cordial and mineral water but I felt a bit grumpy. Maybe that is just part of the the drying out/detox feelings.

Had a lovely mothers day with my gorgeous children + one. We had a wonderful breakfast locally which left the rest of the day free to potter. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves too.

On a brighter note, foot feeling a lot better and am actually wearing shoes today rather than ugg boots. Will be taking it slowly and might even take Lucy for a small walk today. Will try to elevate it during the day and must remember to do physio exercises every day.

If you havent got the latest WW magazine have a look at it. There are some really nice winter warming recipes in it. I made the Veal Paprika last night and it was well accepted. I just make it for 4. I have a small portion, Poss has probably enough for 2 and there is another portion to put away for either later in the week or his lunch now that he is home and semi retired. Works out well.

I hope you all have a great week.

Week One (again) done and dusted

I lost 700g this week. Only 4300g to go in this 10 week challenge to myself. Not sure what sounds better 4300g or 4.3 kilos.

Back on meds again and starting to feel slightly better. Definitely not taking as many (if any) painkillers lately. Foot is feeling less sore and I think my original diagnosis of severe deep bruising was correct. Still a bit sore and still wearing ugg boots most of the time but only now, because I dont want to rush back into shoes and aggravate it again and put the healing back. Probably next week.

So looking forward to being able to walk again or even god help me doing housework and gardening. I might be delirious!

Have a great week everyone.
:)

Autumn ramblings

Okay have stuffed something up big time. Have hardly been able to walk, lots of pain. Am wearing my Ugg boots all the time because all other shoes hurt so much. Physio thinks it is just soft tissue damage and that it will take 3 weeks to mend and if it doesnt it is back to the surgeon again.

As a result last weeks weight loss efforts were dismal.

So on Saturday, I sat down with ice on my foot and went through the box of all the weight watchers booklets that I have accumulated over the years. Quite liked the "Time for Success" series which has weekly menus in them for the first 12 weeks. Discarded a lot of weekly pamphlets which I didnt read when I went so there is very little chance I will read it now and put everything in order and made a shoppping list.

I then went shopping on Sunday for supplies for the week. It was a very impressive shopping trolley with lots of great fresh food in it.

I made a "Zanna salad" for the week so I dont have to faff around every night and I set up a spreadsheet on my computer with my projected weight loss (still aiming for 500g a week) and a column for weekly weigh-ins. I dont think I will weigh in daily as it might make me complacent (something that has happened many times before).

Hopefully I will be able to control my eating as there is no exercise being done any more.

Contacted rheumatologist last week too via email and asked him if I could go back onto my medication before the 1st June appointment as I am living on painkillers just to have a normal day. Emailed reply - yes back on medication and have to see him this Friday.

Asked Mark last week to look at our pantry and devise a plan to rearrange everything because I can no longer get down to the bottom shelves where I actually kept all the canned goods and groceries. Darling man came up with a plan and I spent yesterday rearranging it all, cleaning and relining shelves and I must say that it seems to working well and looks so organised. Time will tell.

I hope you are all having a wonderful week. Finally getting cooler here in Sydney and sleeping is getting easier. The heaters will be brought back into the house this week and I will change to the winter doona next weekend. There will be some serious snuggling going on in my house. I love autumn.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done!

I am moderating my comments because I was starting to get some weird ones but as usual I do get a bit behind.

Have put on more weight so have re-evaluated what I am doing and have decided that to aim for 1kg a week may be a wee bit ambitious. Have scaled it back to 500g per week for the next 10 weeks. I am looking more and more like my next sister who I love to pieces but who is really really overweight and I dont want to look that much like her.

My ankle is really really sore at the moment. Have a feeling that the last couple of weeks have done a lot of damage. The wedding in Townsville was beautiful but it was very hot, I walked and, dont tell my surgeon, danced far too much.

Then had to, and I mean had to, accompanied my beautiful daughter to the Easter Show. Lots more walking but sat whenever I could. Saw the diving, racing pigs which were so cute and the agility trials for the dogs. Had oysters and wine and bought an "old lady" shopping trolley to carry our stuff around.

More swelling, more ice.

Then had to, and I mean had to, go shopping with aforementioned beautiful daughter because she has moved to a new division and no longer has to wear her uniform. So it was shirt, vest, coat, shoes etc buying. I was very envious of her. Everything she tries on looks amazing. Made me feel proud but really frumpy.

By the end of the day , more ice and more swelling and then had to go out for dinner to Kirribilli by public transport.

I'm back on the painkillers and hobbling. I'm back at work and flat out again. I'm hungry because I am trying not to overeat. I need help.

On a happier note, Master Chef is back on TV again. Started last night and I love it again. So sad for the ones that had to go home on the first show but they should be proud that they were in the top 50 of the thousands that auditioned. The pressure test was making a pav. I have never made one and it has made me want to try. Except I would probably eat it all so I wont.

Hope everyone is okay and having a great week.

Busy Time

If any of you get the chance go and see Carole King and James Taylor. We went up the Hunter Valley on the Easter Long Weekend and saw them at Hope Estate. From the opening bars of the first song I felt 18 again. So many great memories and their show was unbelieveable. Carole King at the tender age of 68 had so much energy she took my breath away. As an added bonus Lior was the support act. Great night was had by all.

We had lunch out on Sunday at a restaurant we have been to many times up there and I had the most amazing Lobster Bisque. If we go back to this restaurant in July when we go up for our friends weekend I will have this again so that my best friend Chez can taste and help me work out what is in it. I think I got most of the ingredients but of course couldnt get them all. It sounded like a taste test on MasterChef as I worked out what the ingredients were.

And speaking of MasterChef - woohoo it is back on April 19. Can't wait.

The latest Donna Hay magazine has arrived on my doorstep and it is full of wonderful winterish recipes. I can't wait to start experimenting. There are so many to try.

But it will all have to wait as we are off tomorrow to Townsville for a wedding. Poor Lucy - alone again. I dont think Gareth was much company last weekend but hopefully this is the last time we are away for a while. Between Jess and Gareth - hopefully they will be able to look after her.

Mark is easing into retirement and spending his time fixing windows and repainting them. If I had my way I would replace them all with aluminium but he is enjoying himself so be it.

Haven't hopped on the scales. Probably a bit scared too.
I will get there but I dont know how long it is going to take me. Seems like forever.
Have a good week
xxx

Week Two - Day one

Yesterday was good. On track went to gym but had problem sleeping last night. Is it a menopause thing? or just the fact that summer doesnt seem to want to end.

Today was a disaster - up early to attend workshop in city - because daylight saving has not ended yet it was dark when we left home. Luckily M drove me.

Got to workshop at Central and guess what - tables and chairs weren't on the agenda. Stood most of the day. Is this a new thing to stop people from falling asleep? Very very tired - food consumption went out the window as it normally does when I am stressed but.....

tomorrow is another day and I will be back on track again.

Spoke to sister tonight and poor thing, she has been in pain since she broke her wrist/arm three weeks ago. Two doctors had diagnosed it as a compound fracture but all in alignment - because of the pain she went to specialist today and has found that there is a displaced bone in her wrist. Unless she wants to undergo an operation involving screws, clamps and god knows what else, since her wrist has already started to mend, he advised just letting nature take its course. She might have a slightly crooked wrist. Here's hoping she gets better soon.

Miss piggy is having an early night tonight.

Week One - Day 7?

Monday morning - I weighed in this morning and managed to lose 1.8 kgs this week. This looks impressive but really it isnt as I put on 1.5kg the week before to put it all in perspective but at least I am on the downward slope again.

Got to the gym on Friday night. Was not going to go all the way home from work right until I got near the top of my street and then for once the little voice said, you know you will feel better if you do, and I kept going and it was right.

Three more days of work until the end of this school term. Have to go to a workshop in the city tomorrow so hopefully wont overindulge in the lunch and morning and afternoon tea provided. I find it hard to estimate this kind of food so tend to not bother recording but I will be sensible tomorrow.

Mark is cooking dinner at the moment which is amazing. He is a good cook but since he has semi retired he hasnt volunteered to do any of the cooking.

He is dropping me in the city tomorrow and then taking my Dyson vacuum cleaner back. It is one of the ones that has been recalled due to a fault. Will not have a vacuum cleaner for a little while - oh well them's the breaks.

New motto - Eat less move more.

It is coming - I am so excited

Finally it is coming



I cant wait.
(and I also learnt how to embed youtube videos - woohoo)

Week One - Day Four

Slight miscalculation yesterday and ended up eating baked beans (good protein and fibre though) for dinner so that I came in under my calories.

Something funny I noticed - I was hungry last night before dinner but after my rather small meal last night I wasnt hungry. I dont quite understand it but was thankful anyway.

Sleep was okay too.

So today (Friday) I am going to attempt to go to the gym after work for an hour. Hopefully between now and this afternoon I wont crash and burn.

Physio was yesterday and is progressing. Jess wants me to go to pilates tomorrow but still feel not quite ready yet. Plan to go during the school holidays when old teacher is teaching. I feel more comfortable with her then the new one but after I intend to go back to Saturday mornings at the beginning of next term. Also plan to go back to yoga.

Have a great weekend everyone - weigh in is Monday morning.

Week 1, Day Three - confessions of a jatz addict

Truimph - whoo hoo.

Managed to salvage day After having a bad start with the jatz. Was so careful for the rest of the day and even went to the gym and did my light work out.
Re gym, am slowly increasing weights and reps but it is still relatively light.

Sometimes during the day I am like the energizer bunny and sometimes I feel like a wrung out dishcloth. The moods swings have been amazing.

Last night, about an hour after dinner, I was suddenly hungry. Craving carbs (read jatz). Made myself a cup of herbal tea and went to bed to watch Burn Notice, took half a sleeping pill about 15 mins before lights out and slept quite soundly without an assault from the hungry voice.

Hopefully I will only use the sleeping pills until I can retrain my body/mind back into a sleep pattern and get over whatever is keeping me awake.

Good times ahead.

Day Two

The voice won last night. The weather has turned sticky again so that didn’t help. I lay in bed for an hour or more, eventually took half a sleeping pill, waited a bit longer listening to Mark snuffle, got up and made myself a cup of herbal tea and had 3 jatz. Then 3 more and then 3 more. Nine in total. Went back to bed and then, to make matters worse, slept through the alarm.

BUT have wrote this transgression in my food diary and have gone through today’s food list and removed some things I had planned to eat to compensate for the jatz.

The next time I have the urge to eat something that I know I shouldn’t, I hope I can remember prior to eating it that I will have to compensate by removing something I had planned to eat.

I am drinking my water but am continually hungry ( and whingy).

Tomorrow will be better.

Short and Sharp

Disaster yesterday morning. After a lovely weekend with visiting friends got on the scales and had put on 1.5k in a week. @#$%

Back to square one.

Less food obviously but I want to manage it without actually being on a diet. You know, incorporate it in my normal day. Well maybe not my normal day because that obviously doesnt work.

Kept my calories within check yesterday but spent the greater part of last night awake and wanting to go to the kitchen and eat or drink something. What a headcase.

Today's menu includes a sandwich but I think I will go over my allowance because the beautiful pumpkin seed bread (2 slices) is worth a lot of points so I will need to rethink the carbs at lunch in future maybe cornbread or a wrap. Something I can still toast.

Happy News and a Brand New Week

The happy news is that the baby elephant that they thought had died in its mother's womb has been born this morning at 3:27am ALIVE! The male calf is not out of the woods yet and still may not make it but I have put out an email on my work network and am hoping that the power of positive thinking will make him strong. That and the fairy dust I am throwing of course.

This post was supposed to come out on Monday. A brand new day for a brand new week but as often happens,life intervenes.

I have had two fairly ordinary weeks. Lost the plot yet again.

Back on my eating plan sort of. Going to the gym and doing little things. Physio thinks I may be able to start walking slowly on treadmill now. Will see how I go this afternoon because although I was told I can use the crosstrainer it still worries me.

Bought a kindle and it has arrived but while I have charged it at work have not had time to register it etc etc at home because I need passwords and keep forgetting to bring it to work. It can join my twenty or so books on my bedside table one I get it up and running.

Hard time for my sisters last week. One was in hospital having womens problems resolved and now has to do nothing for at least six weeks. This may prove to be an impossibility because she never stays still long but as it is her third similar operation she had better.

The other was away down the South Coast on a mini holiday when she lost her footing on a track down from a lighthouse and fell and broke her wrist. In a lot of pain and she is not good at pain.

I am going to get out my Wii Fit this week and work out how to use it. The children have used it but not me and I have had it since Christmas 2008. Gadget girl strikes again.

Jess and I went to see "The Blindside" last night which stars Sandra Bullock. This was a lovely movie and Sandra Bullock was great as Leigh Anne Tuohy who, if she is anything like the charater that Sandra Bullock portrayed, is an amazing woman with an amazing family. I didnt realise that it was based on a true story. Mark wouldnt come but I think he would have enjoyed it if he had - the big softie.

His retirement is going slowly. Went to work yesterday and really didnt want to be there. Working from home today and as the weather has changed and it is raining Lucy the Wonderdog will be glad.

Am trying to catch up with blogs (nothing to do work). There are 240 odd backed up in my reader but I will get there. I was on facebook a lot more than usual lately while Gareth was away but now I probably wont be there too often as I cant believe how much time I can waste on it. The hours just fly by.

Going to see King Lear this Sunday. I do so love Shakespeare. I also have to buy a dress for this wedding in Queensland. I guess Townsville in April will be warm. All our flights and accommodation are booked, wedding present bought. Children have decided not to come as it all worked out too expensive and Jess's partner was not invited.

Okay I had better get back to work. See ya.

I'm Back

Firstly I want to thank Zanna for my award and I am working on the response.
Secondly, Sue I will get to you today. I thought it was you on Facebook but just wasnt sure.

Well, big news - I drove down to the rheumatologist at Chatswood this morning in peak hour. Took me about 45 minutes and I was pretty nervous and my ankle is a bit sore but I am also elated to have some measure of independence back. Mind you I had to check in when I arrived there and when I arrived at work. I think if Mark and Jess had their way I would be wrapped up in cottonwool and not allowed out again.

News fromm rheumatologist not so good. The rheumtoid factors in blood test negative but that apparently still doesnt mean that I dont have RA. Anyway something is attacking my body, quite aggressively. At this instance, I am stopping taking Arava medication as it doesnt seem to be doing anything and waiting 3 months for it to get out of my system and then having another blood test to see if there is any reaction. Of course if there is a flare-up then I guess I will be back earlier.

The joint at the bottom of my thumb on my left hand will need replacing but I have deferred that for a while because I have had enough of hospitals. The other joints on my right foot are disintegrating and will need to be fused - once again deferred until the pain becomes too much. Left foot - ankle okay but toes and mid foot not looking great. Will cross that bridge when I come to it.

Anyway enough doom and gloom. We just spent four glorious days in Kiama at the rugby 7's. Jess and Marc came too. Two lovely lunches at the Crooked River Winery and put it to Jess that it would be a lovely place to get married and have the reception. More guest friendly than the Hunter which is her pick at the moment. Anyway have planted the seed. Wanted to go for a paddle yesterday but because of the tsunami warning was not allowed on the beach. Mark and I got kicked off twice. Bad old people! Nearly made it to the water line the second time. Lucy the Wonderdog stayed with my sister and I think she was thoroughly spoiled and was quite sad to come home to our place. Obviously we dont give her the attention she has become used to. She moped around the house with a really sad look on her face. Oh, by the way, West Harbour won the rugby. Nice time had by all with too much wine and food and I am not getting back on the bloody scales until next Monday. Hopefully I can reverse some of the damage,.

Gareth arrives back home on Friday morning. Have been keeping up with him on Facebook and he appears to be having a wonderful time. One of his mates actually videoed him snowboarding and he makes it look so easy. Gen Y sure knows how to have fun.

Sorry for the slackness in not commenting. Back at work and busy busy busy. Dr appointments are taking up a lot of time too but should start to get back to normal soon.

Take care
xxx

Results

I cant tell the joy I am feeling at the moment. I feel my life is slowly returning.

Visit to surgeon yesterday seemed really positive. Leg muscles are completely wasted of course but I can now not wear the aircast during the day when I am inside. He would prefer me to still wear it outside and when going up and down steps just in case I fall over.

Had a long talk about the other joints in my ankle and what will happen when and if they have to be fused. Not as worried as I was.

I can also return to pilates and yoga with the understanding that there will be things I cant do anymore. I can return to the gym and do weights, cross-trainer (which surprised me), cycle (not spin) and weights. No treadmill.

Swimming is back on the agenda but I think it will be at home for the rest of summer as fatigue does set in quickly.

Physio restarts tonight with a new physio.

Walking Lucy can start but ease into it slowly with little easy walks.

Since the beginning of the year I have lost nearly 5 kilos just by watching what I eat as there has been no exercise involved. I would have like to have lost more but I am still happy with what I am doing so far. Hopefully with some exercise it will help. Mark reminded me about the fact that muscle does weigh more so I think I will take some measurements as well.

After the surgeon we walked down to the MBT shop. MBT stands for Masai Balance Technology. I bought some cute/ugly sandals after a lesson in how to walk in them. I would have loaded a picture so that you know what I am talking about but this stupid computer at work (and I shouldnt complain about that) wont open the product page up.

Anyway speaking about work I had better get back to it.

Not a lot of good news

Went to see the new rheumotologist on Friday. Took all my xrays (my god they were heavy) and last two blood tests. Liked him a lot. After looking through things he was not happy about the condition of my ankle. The other joint under the new joint is in pretty bad shape and once again I have been told to be very very careful. Damn I'm not even out of the aircast yet and more problems are looming on the horizon.

He sent me for more xrays of my hands and my other foot and ankle and I have to go and have a blood test and come back and see him again in 2 or 3 weeks. His poor receptionist - she fitted me in at the beginning of March at 7:40 a.m. The other good thing was he was running only 10 minutes late and apologised profusely. Didnt have to wait 90 minutes like I have been doing. Anyway I will have to ring and cancel appointment with old rheumotologist as I have no intention of going back there. This new doctor is in Chatswood but I really dont mind the travelling if I can see some improvement.

Although he scared me a little bit with his diagnosis of my xrays I feel strangely enthusiastic.

Also Anna found an MBT store near him so next time I go to Chatswood, I will see if they are open and have a look at their shoes. I have been interested in them for a while so it was nice to read your post. I will check first to make sure that they are suitable for my poor old ankles.

It is raining, raining, raining at the moment. Hasnt really stopped all day and seems to be getting heavier and heavier. Think the garage is leaking like a sieve and heaven help under the house. Probably flooded.

Washing machine broke down today. I have no idea when I will be able to get someone to come and fix it unless GOM can stay home one day this week.

Spoke to Gareth in Alaska tonight on dodgy internet connection. Seems to be extremely tired but in a better condition than he was a couple of nights ago when he was greatly hungover.

My software arrived for my computer this week. Was able to get it really cheaply through work so I finally have word and excel and lots of other new things I havent had time to look at. Even installed it myself.

Also found out how to put my calendar onto my iPhone plus put some selected music on the iPhone too for the times when I dont have the iPod with me. GOM got a USB port put into his new car so that I can finally listen to my iPod through the mediahub rather than having to use a Belkin in the cigarette lighter.

Still not sleeping well but I think it is changing. No more midnight snacking or even warm milk. Was just taking half a sleeping pill but havent even done that for the last two nights. Just move to another room so I dont keep GOM awake by fidgeting. Sleep for a couple of hours and then come back to my bed.

Lost 700g at last Mondays weigh-in. Should have lost more but went overboard when we went out to dinner with friends on Saturday night so last night when we went out I was prepared. Had a light breakfast and lunch so that I could lash out a bit on dinner and a couple of glasses of wine. I think it worked because there was no damage on my friend the scales this morning.

Anyway, it is getting late and I have some book reading to do. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

A bit of a shock

Had a call from Jess last weekend to say that she was putting herself and partner on a diet - I dont quite know why but anyway I told her about calorieking. When she came around she said that she thought it was a wonderful site so since I hadnt visited for a while I went and had a look.

In spite of all my good intentions about not counting points or calories and that I could do this on my own I decided to record my intake for 1 day.

Well......
By lunch time I had nearly used up the calories I had been allocated for the day. Hmmm - I think I can see a bit of a problem here. No wonder I am having trouble. Being sedentary doesnt help but still I was eating good food but just lots of it. I think it is called portion control.

Anyway I have continued on this week weighing, estimating and recording and not once have I managed to come in at the suggested calorie intake level for losing weight. Some days, even though I have tried, I have eaten nearly one and a half the amount of calories I should.

So my suggestion is if you think you are doing the right thing and still not losing any weight or worse, putting it on, record what you are eating for a couple of days - you might get a shock.

Anyway back at work this week. Relying on other people to drive you to and from work is the pits because I end up working long days waiting for people and by the time I get home there isnt any time to do anything else other than the basics. So many things to do at work that I sometimes dont quite know where to start. The phones havent been working properly which meant a lot of walking or yelling between offices, the smoke detectors went off yesterday afternoon for no reason and when one goes off they all go off and the noise is mind-numbing and they had to be disconnected and an emergency call put in to the maintenance company. Technician had just arrived yesterday when I was going home and luckily one of the teachers volunteered to stay behind.

Still not sleeping well no matter how tired I am becoming. Start and finish in my bed but sometime during the night I move to the guest bedroom because I hate keeping GOM awake. He too has to sleep.

New rheumatoligist visit next Friday. Managed to get a copy of the last blood tests from GP so I have something to take with me as well as all the x-rays. Thanks Anna for sending me that blog. Havent read it all but have added it to my reader list.

Jess got her new table and chairs this morning. Would you believe delivery was at 6:30.
Gareth leaves for Alaska on Monday. He has tickets to see the skeleton events at the winter olympics. His ex-girlfriend got them for him. He is also hoping to see the snowboarding. They are going to be a long 5 weeks for me but at least this time I have skype.

Have a good weekend everyone and I will catch up soon.

On the home stretch

Well the cast came off yesterday and am now in an aircast boot for 4 weeks. Convinced the doctor that I would be alright sleeping without it - sleeping being the operative word but must admit that I worried that I would rip the inner stitches apart in my sleep. And I have to remember to put the boot back on when I get up in the middle of the night. A tricky manoeuvre when you are half asleep.

Also had my shower routine in the cast down pat and this morning was a bit of a disaster but I guess I will get there. The great thing about people, and me in particular, is that we adapt - maybe not as gracefully as we should but still we adapt.

Back to see doctor in 4 weeks with an x-ray. Thanks for the fingercrossings.

GOM picks up his new car today. Another black Subaru Liberty but I got a look at it yesterday and it is so much bigger than the model he has. I dont quite understand why we need such a big car - there is just us most of the time and of course, Lucy the wonderdog when she is invited out.

Heard from Jess today. Who am I kidding she rings me two or three times a day. They are thinking of coming back a day early as their friends have decided to come back early. Whoo Hoo - oh I mean that's sad. So she could be back on Friday instead of Saturday. Yay coffee together on Saturday maybe. If not, then probably Sunday. I miss her presence so much and so does her kitty, Kara. Mark and I go up and feed her everynight and play for a little while with her but I think she misses Jess horribly. I'm glad I am not the only one.

Gareth is still trying to find a new flatmate. Someone is coming to look today. He is also in the final countdown of his preps for his trip to Alaska. 11 days and he is off for 5 weeks. Will miss him but he has hooked up skype for me so we can talk when he is away and I can still have my weekly dose of Gareth.

Am enjoying my arthritis book immensely. Some very interesting things in it about strength training. Was reading it while I waited at physio, doctors, credit union etc etc yesterday and underlining things I wanted to remember. Will go through it with page markers too and list some of the things that are interesting such as the chapter about oils:

High anti-inflammatory oils - Fish oil and flaxseed oil
Moderate anti-inflammatory oils - Canola, Evening Primrose, Soybean, Blackcurrant seed, Olive and Borage
Pro-inflammatory oils (rich in Omega-6 Fatty Acids) - Safflower, corn, sunflower and cottonseed

The high and moderate anti-inflammatory oils are known to suppress inflammation and the last four encourage it.
Most processed food contain the Omega-6 Fatty Acids Oils - biscuits, crisps etc.

It got me looking a packages.

Also took the BMI test - knew I shouldnt have. I know that this test is not conclusive and should be done with stomach and hip measurements too but it was a bit scary and I think that the measurements would have been even more scary.

Anyway, so much to take in and so many plans to formulate and follow through.

My Plan (yes yet another one)

My plan last week starting from Monday was to lose a kilo a week until I am back where I should be for health reasons. Well guess what I put on 100g between major weigh-ins (the minor weigh-ins went up and down like a yo-yo).

You dont have to be Einstein to work out why - basically the midnight munchies (or more accurately the between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. munchies) were the problem. Now I think I am a fairly intelligent person and I know that eating during the time I should be sleeping is stupid but that didnt stop me at all.

The mind-numbing despair that comes at that time of the night/morning when you are somehow wide awake but desperately craving sleep is debilitating. BUT no excuses - still did the wrong thing and I knew it.

Have also discovered over the past two days - a bit late but nonetheless - that if I get up have a drink (chamomile tea or warm milk and half a banana) and instead of watching tv/reading/playing DS I go to the bed in the spare room I can lie down and fidget as much as I want without disturbing GOM. Bliss! I have been waking up a few hours later and going back to my bed and I am okay. The cool weather is also helping (it was a pleasant cool yesterday in Sydney but it was minus 4 degrees at Thredbo).

Got back onto track yesterday and the scales looked better this morning.

Had my first attempt at meditation yesterday. As usual my "wildmind" (a phrase I read in a blog this morning) ran, well wild. I think it is also called monkey chatter. I kept bringing myself back to the breath but it was no sooner back then off it ran again, chattering wildly. I will keep trying.

A small glimmer of hope arrived in the mail yesterday - a book. I had seen it at the physios when he put the cast on my leg and since I cant get out had found it on the internet and ordered it. This all happened before Christmas. It finally arrived yesterday. The book is "Strong Women and Men Beat Arthritis by Dr Miriam Nelson". I have only read a small part of it but find myself a bit overwhelmed by what it says. She could be speaking directly to me. I am so looking forward to the chapters on exercise and diet and know that I will be integrating some of the exercises into my day when I can.

The decluttering of my study is progressing slowly but well. I actually threw out all the "Table" magazines I had yesterday without going through each one. The rationale is that I have not looked at them in years and all this information is available on-line.

Also got another box of books to take to Lifeline. Still more to go but I dont want to scare GOM with the scale of what I am doing. How one (me) person could have accumulated so much paper is truly mindboggling and slightly scary.

Off to physio to take cast off tomorrow and then to surgeon for revisison. Keep all your collective fingers crossed for me.

Tired

Only 4 more nights of purgatory until the cast comes off. Thank goddess! Another night with little sleep and having to be up early this morning to wait for grocery delivery (why I elected to have it delivered so early I dont know) has sent me spiralling down although I had a good result on those things that rule my life - the scales.

Was going really well this week foodwise until I went to my sister's for lunch. I guess that is something I have to learn how to do even after all these year - or else become a hermit.

I am nearly being driven mad trying to convert from a PC to a mac. Thankfully the Apple help desk is, well, helpful and relatively easy to get on to as I speak to them nearly every day.

Excuse any negative vibes that are coming out of the computer this morning but I am exhausted and at the end of my tether.

Enjoy your weekends.

All alone, finally

GOM has gone out. Armed with my library reservation list, banking and shopping list. The house is relatively quiet except for my iTunes playing quietly in the background. Peace for a short time.

For someone who is retiring he sure is working hard. The bloody phone never stops ringing. Calls from France at all hours and of cause Sydney. How will this airline fly without him? He ties up the phoneline and steals my printer. Okay I have finished whinging now. I really really do love him dearly but this 24 hour 7 days a week is starting to grate. I know once I am mobile it wont be like this. We have always had our different interests.

Oh and while he is out he is thinking of getting a new car. The deal will be that Gareth will buy the Liberty at trade-in price and Mark will get a new Liberty or Mark will keep his old Liberty and we will lend Gareth the money to buy a new Impreza. My Impreza will then come back home to my garage where I can watch it and count the days until I can drive it again. I know it is good that it is being driven, and I know he will be super careful but remember this is the child that wrote his own car off just before Christmas because he wasnt concentrating on what he was doing. I just dont think about it most of the time.

On books I have finished two books in the last three days. I had started both books in December but was having trouble reading them. Since the first operation in May, my brain has been like a little grasshopper - springing from one thing to another, never completing anything. Decided to knuckle down and either:
Read the ends and return
Just return
Read them

After exploring the first idea, discounted and decided to make myself read them. I am glad that I did because I felt almost normal again when I realised that I was really enjoying them and didnt want to put them down to eat or cook.
The were
The Secret Scripture by Sebastian Barry and
What my bestfriend did by Lucy Dawson

Both completely different books which I guess shows my eclectic tastes.

So armed with the book reviews from an old Notebook magazine (Nov 2005) I checked out the local library for copies.
These books are
Julie and Julia by Julie Powell
Veuve Taylor by Henrietta Taylor
A Thousand Days in Venice by Marlena de Blasi

Ahead is a busy weekend. We are going to see "Wicked" tomorrow night. Then on Sunday there is a 60th birthday golf day (not for me to attend unfortunately as I think I would be a hindrance although I could sit in the clubhouse) and later a farewell for an elderly neighbour (she would hate that I described her as that) who has sold her house and is moving to the Mornington Peninsula to be nearer her daughter. This woman taught both my children to swim oh so many years ago. I still have a video of Gareth saying, "I'll try Mrs X, I'll try" in a plaintive little voice when she asked him to dog paddle across the pool and as for Jess the first time she was taken into the pool she screamed so much that a neighbour rang to see who was being murdered in the pool. Good times. Unfortunately her very fit and always active husband succumbed to Altzheimers over the last couple of years and is now in a home also on the peninsula. It is sad seeing the old neighbourhood change but change I know it will.

Anyway I'm off the iron. It takes my forever to iron sitting down but I eventually get there.

101 things in 1001 days

I am a bit late starting this. I have read it on other blogs and stolen some other peoples ideas otherwise I would be here for 1001 days trying to complete this list.

Start Date: January 7, 2010
End Date: October 3, 2012
Completed: 0/101

1. Finish writing this 101 list by January 31, 2010
2. Clear out bookcase and donate books to local Lifeline charity
3. Donate clothing, high heeled shoes and bags to charity bins this summer
4. Call sisters once a week in next year (J 0/52) (D 0/52)
5. Remember friends and family's birthdays
6. Take a photo at the same time every day for a month
7. Reach final weight goal of 8kg less than I am now and stay there
8. Do a body composition test
9. Walk 10,000 steps a day starting from March 2010
10. Return to yoga in April
11. Return to pilates in March
12. Return to gym for at least 2 sessions per week starting March
13. Hire a personal trainer in March
14. Learn to meditate
15. Update my blog
16. Start making my own muesli again
17. Take a home-made lunch to work every day
18. Complete 101 recipes in 1001 days (0/101)
19. Eat at 10 new restaurants (0/10)
20. Keep a journal for every day of 2010
21. Go to a farmer's market
22. Go to Rozelle markets
23. Get tattoo
24. Have fish and chips on the beach at sunset
25. Go on a picnic
26. Do the Bondi – Coogee coast walk
27. Go to London, France and Italy with my main man
28. Get a massage
29. Get a pedicure every 6 weeks
30. Do a drumming workshop
31. Start quilting project and finish
32. Whip garden back into shape and keep it there
33. Harass builder about bifold doors onto deck
34. Expand my mini vegie garden
35. Paint christmas presents for friends
36. Make my own Christmas cards and have them ready to go
37. Walk across the harbour bridge
38. Do part or all of the 7 Bridges Walk in 2010
39. Take more pictures
40. Declutter my house one room at a time
41. Clear out boxes stored under my house - one box at a time
42. Redecorate the main bedroom
43. Organise/update of front verandah/front door
44. Read 34 books (0/34)
45. Visit the museum
46. Go to Canberra for art exhibition or floriade
47. Visit the art gallery of nsw
48. Go the ballet
49. Visit Anne in NZ
50. Visit Anne (different one) in Qld
51. Bottle my own italian tomato sauce
52. Become a WIRES volunteer
53. Travel the Farmgate route
54. Go to pictures at least 6 times a year (0/6)
55. Organise and rationalise cookbooks
56. Take off makeup and cleanse every single day
57. Give away/donate old videos
58. Reorganise cookware cupboard with better shelving
59. Coffee with daughter at least once a week when she is not working or away on holidays
60. Visit Tasmania
61. Visit Margaret River
62. Count alcohol free days
63. Drink 2 litres of water a day (0/1001)
64. Update this list each month
65. Host one dinner party/bbq per month in 2010 (6 people minimum)




to be continued

There will be more but I have spent enough time in front of the computer today. This is harder than I thought it would be but I can see the benefits of doing this. If you havent already made a list, start today.

Dark Moments

Last night or more accurately early this morning as I wandered the house, turned the air conditioner on and off, played with my DS, read a little, lay on the lounge I was thinking once again about being overweight yet again and about going to a wedding in Townsville in April.

I actually thought to myself - when March comes and I am up and around again I will lose this extra flab.

Then a moment of clarity and honesty - who am I kidding. In the 6 weeks I will have I wont be able to do it. I am not superwoman, I am getting older and therefore the weight is harder to dislodge. I have to start now. I have to take some sort of responsibility now, not later, not in 6 weeks time - NOW.

But I dont want to diet. I dont want to count points or track. These two things are things that set me up for failure and the spiral back to feeling hopeless again.

Well I've told you the donts but I really dont know what the dos are or more accurately the dos that I will be able to do.

I know I have to cut down on the amount I eat. Stop the mindless snacking (thank goodness all the Christmas food has just about gone). Eat more fresh fruit and vegetables. Drink more water. Limit alcohol intake.

Devise some sort of exercise program that I can do sitting or lying down.

I know what I have to do - the test is doing it. Part of me really really wants to but part of me doesnt.

That is the part that sat on the lounge early this morning crying about the fact that I wanted my life back. Just one of those moments when everything seemed at its blackest. It has passed. I am calm again.

I have a few ideas about coping but I wont bore you with them unless I do them and they work.

Going quietly mad

You may have noticed that I am posting a little bit more lately. I am going slightly mad sitting here unable to exercise or do anything around the house.

Sounds good doesnt it and it is in theory but I am going stir crazy.

Anyway I have changed my picture today which was relatively easy for me (luddite that I am) and I have an email into Zanna about changing the template on my blog.

I have been researching new hairstyles and think when I am finally released from home detention I will go with a tapered bob like Ellen Barkins. The good thing is to achieve this style my hair needs to grow a bit and since I cant get out that is what it is doing. My hairdresser has actually offered to come and cut my hair for me but I think I will sit it out.

Also I come from the age when you were younger you used to pluck your eyebrows to within an inch of their hairy little lives. Guess what, something I didnt know then but know now - after a certain age they dont grow back and actually disappear especially if you are fair. So I have started practising how to draw them in lightly. I must admit I think it looks strange but I feel that by the time I go back to work I will be used to it.

My gorgeous GOM (grumpy old man) has started downloading all his personal emails off his work email account. This retirement talk is starting to look serious. I wonder if, when it does happen, he will mind if I leave him a list of jobs to be done every day. I might just share my jobs list with him and tell him to feel free to do anything off it while I'm not there. Sounds like a plan and when it happens I will let you know how it goes.

He changed the sheets on the bed this morning and we had a discussion about what colour sheets he should put back on the bed. I told him to pick any colour as I just didnt care at the moment (I really can be very picky about colour coordination and I am sure he thought it was a trap). I told him it was his choice until I was well enough to do it myself and told me I was obviously well enough to hinder him. Whatever!

Last September some girlfriends gave my a gift voucher for Jacqui E and I have been in an out several times but couldnt find anything that I wanted. Jess snuck past enemy lines last week (I cant remember which day as they are all the same at the moment) and liberated me for a short time by taking me to the local mall for coffee. We also went to Jacqui E and I got two tops and a pretty cardigan for a little bit more than the gift voucher. One of the tops was reduced from $99.95 to $19.95. Makes you wonder doesnt it how much it originally cost to make. I might be wrong and they might be selling it at a loss to clear the stock but as I am old and cynical I doubt it.

At the moment he is outside, in the rain, mowing the back lawn because the grass is too long for Lucy the Wonderdog. When she absolutely has to go outside in the damp she prances around on tippytoes. Amazing and funny to watch.

Anyway I am off to make GOM's life a misery again. So much time and so little to do.

Happy New Year

Well, here we are in 2010. I wish all of you who I really count as dear friends a wonderful one.

Christmas was good to me. I got the new Stephanie Alexander cookbook, a Japanese maple bonsai and wait for it.....
a new iMac.

Gareth says that I have restored his faith in Christmas. He said that a lot of the excitement has gone out of Christmas because everyone seems to know what they are getting except for me and the computer. The history is that Mark is hopeless at buying presents which is partly my fault because usually when I want something I just get it and it doesnt leave a lot of scope for present buying. And I thought that we weren't buying presents this year as we have bought tickets to the Carol King/James Taylor concert at Hope Estate in the Hunter at Easter so I thought that would do.

On Christmas morning we went up to Jess's for breakfast and I got my cookbook and bonsai and I was happy. Mark had gone out and bought himself Christmas presents since I couldnt get out and brought them home and I wrapped them and put them under the tree. After everyone had opened their presents Jess carried this big box over to me and I was to say the least surprised. When I opened it I was astounded. I needed a new computer but I didnt think I was going to get a Mac. I had suggested buying one a couple of weeks ago to replace my laptop but was told no. Sneaky bastard.

Anyway I have spent the past 10 days playing with my new computer. Have transferred my iTunes and photos from pc. Have established a calendar (iCal) which now has everyones birthdays in it as automatic reminders. The only thing I haven't done is transfer my working files as I have not bought the office software yet. I can get it cheaply through work but have to wait until school goes back at the end of this month. Worth the wait and I can still use by pc if I have to.

Last night, new years eve, was spent at the golf club. A friend, who wasn't coming with us as he had decided on a quiet night at home, offered to drive us there. He turned up in a tuxedo, chauffeur's hat and black dress thongs (footwear). When we got out the front of our house in the driveway he opened his boot and pulled out two chairs, a small table, champagne, beer and a dip and crackers. It was a lovely and hilarious start to the night.
(Hooray I managed to upload a picture - I love my mac!)

Anyway I had better be off as we have had a rather late start to the day. Am working on ideas for what I would like to achieve this year - mainly trying to get through this year without having to go to hospital again would be lovely but that is something that is beyond my control so I am concentrating on things I can control.

Love to you all - happy new year
xxx